Thursday, November 30, 2006

65-Year-Old Woman Gives Birth!

Whoa...It's Thursday already! Sheesh! I'm not even done with the things I should have gotten done on Monday. I want a recount...LOL...Or at least a few more hours in a day!

I know...Stop throwing things at me. So I've got a death wish. Don't blame it on me. Blame it on my computer...Hey I like that. Yea, it's my computer's fault> I only have dial-up so I don't get to work at light speed like all of you who use the DSL at work.

Hey check out the new magazine on my right sidebar, Christian Women Online...Just click on the cover. It will take you to the website.

Well the ladies aught to like this little funny, courtesy of my friend Ric Marion.

With all the new technology regarding fertility, a 65-year-old woman was
able to give birth to a baby recently.

When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, her relatives came
to visit. They asked, "May we see the baby?"

"Not yet," said the mother. "I'll make coffee and we can visit for awhile

Thirty minutes had passed, and another relative asked, "May we see the new
baby now?"
"No, not yet," said the mother.

After another few minutes had elapsed, they asked again, "May we see the
baby now?"
"No, not yet," replied the mother.

Growing impatient, they asked, "Well, when CAN we see the baby?"
"WHEN HE CRIES!" she told them.

"WHEN HE CRIES??" they demanded. "Why do we have to wait until he CRIES??"
"BECAUSE, I forgot where I put him..."

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Christian parents are finally offered a true Potter alternative...All the adventure of Harry Potter...None of the sorcery!

This week the Christian Fiction Blog Alliance is doing a blog tour for Landon Snow and The Island of Arcanum by R.K.Mortenson, published by Barbour Publishing (October 2006).

About the AUTHOR:

R.K.Mortenson is an ordained minister with the Church of the Lutheran Brethren. He has been writing devotional and inspirational articles since 1995. He currently serves as a navy chaplain in Florida and lives with his wife, daughter and son in Jacksonville.

This page at Barbour's site provides a few good links, two as recent as last week: The top link there goes to a story about Randy's adoption experiences, the second link goes to the Landon Snow short at Clubhouse magazine.

Randy got the idea for this series one late night, when flute music woke him from a sound sleep. As he stood at his window, trying to locate the source of the sound, he spied a library across the lawn. Suddenly, he envisioned an eleven-year-old sneaking out of his bed and stealing to the library in the dead of night...And thus Landon Snow was born.


In the latest adventure of Landon Snow And the Island of Arcanum, Landon, once again visits his grandparents in Button Up, Minnesota. If your familiar with the first two books, Landon Snow and the Auctor's Riddle, and Landon Snow and The Shadows of Malus Quidam, you'll know that Landon's adventures always start at the Library in Button Up.

This time, Landon's most dangerous journey yet, begins in a rowboat-shaped tombstone that floats. And it's lucky for him that it floats because a few drips from the library ceiling turns into a powerful waterfall.

The stone turns into wood. The stone book propped up in the prow of the boat turns to paper. The left page says "ANCHOR". The right page says "AWEIGH".

"Anchor aweigh?" said Landon.

Holly whispered, "Did you hear that?"

No one has time to respond, however. The next instant saw the water before them dropping away as the water behind them grew into a giant swell, pitching them headlong into the abyss.

Landon will have to protect his two younger sisters, Holly and Bridget, who wind up in the boat with him headed towards The Island of Arcanum. On the Island, the animals of Wonderwood are imprisoned and the evil shadows of Landon's nemesis, Malus Quidam lurk!

With the help of some old friends, a horse named Melech, an odd fellow named Hardy, a girl named Ditty, and the poet/prophet Vates--Landon seeks to unlock the island's dark secrets and escape with the animals intact.

But first, he must navigate his way through unchartered waters and battle the villainous Archans...Can Landon and his friends rescue the animals from deep within the island's stronghold?

My personal opinion of these books is that I just love them. The premise is good for kids. There's all that fantasy excitement that kids love, but with none of the magic or sorcery that christian parents try so hard to keep their children away from.

The stories are great fun...LOL...I even found myself cheering for Landon...Good job, Randy!

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Do The Math!!!

Good Tuesday! Everything is pretty quiet out there in the Blogoshere. My friends in Washington state seem to be having a touch of snow...LOL...egads! Sorry guys, we'll get our own dousing soon enough!

This little bit of fun, I procurred from my friend Joe over at Joe's Jottings. LOL...I'll let you figure out how it works!

A Missouri farmer passed away and left 17 mules to his three sons.

The instructions left in the will said that the oldest boy was to get one-half, the second oldest one-third, and the youngest one-ninth.

The three sons, seeing the difficulty of dividing 17 mules into these fractions, began to argue.

The uncle heard about the argument, hitched up his mule, and drove out to settle the matter.

He added his mule to the 17, making 18.

The eldest son then got one-half, or nine.

The second eldest got one-third, or six.

The youngest got one-ninth,or two.

Adding up 9, 6 and 2 equals 17.

The uncle hitched up his mule and drove home!

Monday, November 27, 2006

The Hormone Hostage

Well good Monday! I hope everyone had a great holiday weekend, ate too much turkey, took too many naps, and generally had so much fun that you hated to go back to work today.

Since, in most cases, the woman of the house did the cooking this holiday, you guys aught to take heed to the following passage!

The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when
all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his own
hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license
in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, co-worker or significant other!

They are all rated in one of the following four categories.


What's for dinner?
Can I help you with dinner?
Where would you like to go for dinner?
Here, have some wine.

Are you wearing that?
Wow, you sure look good in brown!
WOW! Look at you!
Here, have some wine

What are you so worked up about?
Could we be overreacting?
Here's my paycheck.
Here, have some wine.

Should you be eating that?
You know, there are a lot of apples left.
Can I get you a piece of chocolate with that?
Here, have some wine.

What did you DO all day?
I hope you didn't over-do it today.
I've always loved you in that robe!
Here, have some more wine.

12 Things PMS Stands For:

1 Pass My Shotgun

2 Psychotic Mood Shift

3 Perpetual Munching Spree

4 Puffy Mid-Section

5 People Make me Sick

6 Provide Me with Sweets

7 Pardon My Sobbing

8 Pimples May Surface

9 Pass My Sweatpants

10. Plainly; Men Suck

11. Pack My Stuff

12. Potential Murder Suspect

Pass this on to all of your hormonal friends and those who might need a good laugh

...Or men who need a warning.

And remember: Money talks .... but Chocolate SINGS!!!

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving all!

While you're waiting for the turkey to cook, check out this book:

This week, the Christian Fiction Blog Alliance is posting about Calm, Cool, and Adjusted by Kristin Billerbeck


Kristin Billerbeck was born in Redwood City, California. She went to San Jose State University and majored in Advertising, then worked at the Fairmont Hotel in PR, a small ad agency as an account exec, and then,
she was thrust into the exciting world of shopping mall marketing. She got married, had four kids, and started writing romance novels until she found her passion: Chick Lit.


Calm, Cool, and Adjusted is the third book in the Spa Girls Novels.

Billerbeck did a great job with the characterization of Poppy, a quirky Christian chiropractor who is a health nut. I'm talking real NUT. She is so obsessed with health that she forgets about living. When she finally realizes that she is over the edge obsessed, she doesn't know how to stop herself.

Best friends since Johnny Depp wore scissors for hands, "The Spa Girls" live very separate lives, but stay in touch with routine visits to California's Spa Del Mar.

The third novel in the Spa Girls Series focuses on Silicon Valley chiropractor Poppy Clayton, who is as calm, cool and adjusted as they come. Or is she? Known for her bad fashion sense, a love for all things natural and the inability to get a second date, Poppy is beginning to wonder if she might be misaligned herself. Her route to self discovery will be an unnatural one - a plastic surgeon, a dilapidated house in Santa Cruz, a flirtatious client, and a blind date from the dark side.

It's all enough to send a girl - and her gal pals - running for the comfort zone of their spa.

A Whole Lot Of Nothing...'s Wednesday! That work day of the week for me. I gave myself the rest of the week off! Well tomorrow is Turkey Day, which brings two things to mind. Number one...I am truly thankful for my church family, my hometown friends, my blogging friends, and my Lord Jesus!

Then on another note, it brings the second thing to mind...turkey...LOL...and not the feather plucking kind. Nope, I'm not going to give him a link by mentioning his name.

These words I'm borrowing from Sarah Nelson's editorial entitled The Peoples Choice, "It used to be that publishing declared its morality, its values, its world view by the books it chose to publish. Now, it seems, the business declares itself by what it refuses to publish...I admit it's a weird turnaround. But, hey, I'll take it."

Progressing With Time...

2000 B.C. - Here, eat this root.

1000 A.D. - That root is heathen. Here, say this prayer.

1850 A.D. - That prayer is superstition. Here, drink this potion.

1940 A.D. - That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill.

1985 A.D. - That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic.

2000 A.D. - That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.

Four Catholic Ladies...

Four Catholic ladies were having coffee. The first Catholic woman tells her friends "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic woman chirps, "My son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, the people call him 'Your Grace'."

This third Catholic crone says, "My son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say 'Your Eminence'."

Since the fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence, the first three women give her this subtle "Well...?" And she said "My son is a gorgeous, 6' 2" hard bodied stripper. When he walks into a room, people say, "Oh, my God..."

And last but not least...

Do you know the punishment for bigamy?? Two mothers-in-law.

A beggar walked up to a well dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said, "I haven't eaten anything in four days." She looked at him and said, "My God, I wish I had your willpower."

The last fight was my fault! My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months? I don't like to interrupt her.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Kids Are The Cutest

Good Tuesday, and with the developments of yesterday, it is definitely a good day. That abominable book is no more...Praise the Lord! But Charlie Rangel is still on the loose! LOL!

Here's some really cute shorts!A Woman went to the Post Office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. "What denomination?" Asked the clerk. "Oh, good heavens! Have we come to this?" said the woman. "Well give me 50 Baptist and 50 Catholic ones."

On a very cold, snowy Sunday in February, only the pastor and one farmer arrived at the village church. The pastor said, "Well, I guess we won't have a service today." The farmer replied: "Heck, if even only one cow shows up at feeding time, I feed it."

During a children's sermon, Rev. Larry Eisenberg asked the children what "Amen" means. A little boy raised his hand and said: "It means 'Tha-tha-tha-that's all folks!' "

A student was asked to list the 10 Commandments in any order. His answer? "3, 6, 1, 8, 4, 5, 9, 2, 10, 7".

I was at the beach with my children when my four-year-old son ran up to me, grabbed my hand, and led me to the shore, where a sea gull lay dead in the sand. "Mommy, what happened to him?" the little boy asked. "He died and went to Heaven," I replied. My son thought a moment and then said, "And God threw him back down?"

Bill Keane, creator of the Family Circus cartoon strip tells of a time when he was penciling one of his cartoons and his son Jeffy said, "Daddy, how do you know what to draw?" I said, "God tells me." Jeffy said, "Then why do you keep erasing parts of it?"

After the church service, a little boy told the pastor: "When I grow up, I'm going to give you some money." "Well, thank you," the pastor replied, "but why?" "Because my daddy says you're one of the poorest preachers we've ever had."

My wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to our six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?" I wouldn't know what to say," she replied. "Just say what you hear Mommy say," my wife said. Our daughter bowed her head and said: "Dear Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"

Monday, November 20, 2006

Well good Monday morning. I feel like I've been gone for a month...LOL...Blogger hated me last week! After losing several posts I decided to be kind to my laptop and quit...while IT was ahead.

Well in the news....that disgusting book by that disgusting person that killed two people and got away with it! I won't mention his name because I don't want Google using me to give him any more publicity!

And the latest...the incoming chairman of the House Ways and Means Committee, Democratic Rep. Charles Rangel is going to introduce a bill to bring back the draft!

All I can say is congrats to all who put the Dems in explain this one!!!! My momma always said, "Be careful what you wish for 'cause you just might get it!"

Here's the funny for the day:

God Scandal...

Turmoil rocked Heaven this morning as allegations arose that God had had an affair with a former worshipper. The scandal was begun when a 21 year old woman, known only as Mary, claimed that she had given birth to God’s "only son" last week in a barn in the hamlet of Bethlehem.

Sources close to Mary claim that she "had loved God for a long time", that she was constantly talking about her relationship with God, and that she was "thrilled to have had his child."

In a press conference this morning, God issued a vehement denial, saying that "No sexual relationship existed", and that "the facts of this story will come out in time, verily."

Independent counsel Kenneth Beelzebub immediately filed a brief with the Justice department to expand his investigation to cover questions of whether any commandments may have been broken, and whether God had illegally funneled laundered money to his illegitimate child through three foreign operatives know only as the "Wise Men". Beelzebub has issued subpoenas to several angels who are rumored to have acted as go-betweens in the affair.

Critics have pointed out that these allegations have little to do with the charges that Beelzebub was originally appointed to investigate, that God had created large-scale flooding in order to cover up evidence of a failed land deal.

In recent months, Beelzebub’s investigation has already been expanded to cover questions surrounding the large number of locusts that plagued God’s political opponents in the last election, as well as to claims that the destruction of the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah was to divert attention away from a scandal involving whether the giveaway of a parcel of public land in Promised County to a Jewish special interest group was quid pro quo for political contributions.

If these allegations prove to be true, then this could be a huge blow to God’s career, much of which has been spent crusading for stricter moral standards and harsher punishments for wrongdoers.

Indeed, God recently outlined a "tough-on-crime" plan consisting of a series of 10 "Commandments", which has been introduced in Congress in a bill by Rep. Moses.

Critics of the bill have pointed out that it lacks any provisions for the rehabilitation of criminals, and lawyers for the ACLU are planning to fight the "Name in Vain" Commandment as being an unconstitutional restriction on free speech.

LOL...I don't write 'em. I just copy 'em!

Thursday, November 16, 2006

In The Beginning...

Hey...good Thursday...I feel like I haven't talked all week...Blogger hated me Tuesday, and I lost it...the post that is! I've found a new source of material for jockularity...enjoy as we coast into the weekend!

In the Beginning...

In the beginning God created the heavens and the Earth. And the Earth was without form, and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep.

And Satan said, "It doesn't get any better than this."

And God said, "Let there be light," and there was light. And God said, "Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit," and God saw that it was good.

And Satan said, "There goes the neighborhood."

And God said, "Let us make Man in our image, after our likeness, and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air and over the cattle, and over all the Earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the Earth. And so God created Man in his own image; male and female created he them. And God looked upon Man and Woman and saw that they were lean and fit.

And Satan said, "I know how I can get back in this game."

And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

And Satan created McDonald's. And McDonald's brought forth the 99-cent double cheeseburger. And Satan said to Man, "You want fries with that?"

And Man said, "Supersize them." And Man gained 5 pounds.

And God created the healthful yogurt, that woman might keep her figure that man found so fair.

And Satan brought forth chocolate. And Woman gained 5 pounds.

And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad."

And Satan brought forth Ben and Jerry's. And Woman gained 10 pounds.

And God said, "I have sent thee heart-healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to cook them."

And Satan brought forth chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter.

And Man gained 10 pounds and his bad cholesterol went through the roof.

And God brought forth running shoes and Man resolved to lose those extra pounds.

And Satan brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil to change channels between ESPN and ESPN2. And Man gained another 20 pounds.

And God said, "You're running up the score, Devil."

And God brought forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition.

And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fat fried them. And he created sour cream dip also. And Man clutched his remote control and ate the potato chips swaddled in cholesterol. And Satan saw and said, "It is good."

And Man went into cardiac arrest.

And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

And Satan created HMO's.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Scoop by Rene Gutteridge

This week, the Christian Fiction Blog Alliance is posting about Scoop by Rene Gutteridge

Scoop is a delightful laugh out-loud funny story about 20 year old Hayden Hazard, who is one of seven siblings in a clown family. Her parents die in a freak accident and Hyden decides to take a job at Channel 7, as the assistant to the news producer.

This homeschooled, sheltered girl is thrown into the world of an egomaniacal weatherman, an aging newscaster, who has gone overboard with the Botox and no matter how tragic the story, announces it with a frozen grin, and the reporter who has taken a liking to Hayden and is assualted on the air while doing a story on pig zoning.

Somehow this little station has blundered onto a significant story, and with Hayden praying in the workplace and annoying her boss, this turns into a great romantic comedy!

"Scoop opens with an absolutely terrible pun... and it's all downhill from there. Well, I suppose that depends on how you describe "downhill." If you're talking about quality, humor and enjoyment, then this book goes steadily UPhill."
-----Tim Frankovich ""


Rene Gutteridge is the author of several novels, including Ghost Writer (Bethany House Publishers) The Boo Series (WaterBrook Press) and the Storm Series, (Tyndale House Publishers. She will release three novels in 2006: Storm Surge (Tyndale) My Life as a Doormat (WestBow Press, Women of Faith)Occupational Hazards Book #1: Scoop (WaterBrook Press).

She has also been published over thirty times as a playwright, best known for her Christian comedy sketches. She studied screenwriting under a Mass Communications degree, graduating Magna Cum Laude from Oklahoma City University, and earned the "Excellence in Mass Communication" award. She served as the full-time Director of Drama for First United Methodist Church for five years before leaving to stay home and write. She enjoys instructing at writer's conferences and in college classrooms. She lives with her husband, Sean, a musician, and their children in Oklahoma City.

Monday, November 13, 2006

Home Remedies

Good Monday to ya' all! I hope everyone had a great weekend, and if you didn't...there's always next weekend!

I could not pass up this list. It made me snort coffee! I procured this from my blogging friend Dennie McDonald! God bless her mom!

Amazingly simple home remedies

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget all about the toothache.

8. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are: You only need two tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

9. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

10. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.

Thoughts for the day: If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance, so be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when you might need them to empty your bed pan.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Update on The Cubicle Next Door

UPDATE: As of Sunday AM, The Cubicle Next Door is #5 on Technorati's popular book list. Go CFBAers! You all Rock!

Friday, November 10, 2006

Beverage Alert...and Maxine

Hey go checkout the interview Jessica Dotta did with me over at Novel Journey for the CFBA!

Wahoo! I made it to Friday. What with all the election hoopla, this week just flew by. Alas another week of my life gone...never to be reclaimed! *sigh* I aught to make movies, so that I know what I do all week. Alas, I'd probably ask for my money back!

Alert....cover the keyboard!

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!"

That won him the top prize for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night."

She said, "Aye, what was your toast?"

John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in Church beside me wife."

"Oh that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's toasting buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize, the other night, with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye and I was a bit surprised me self! You know,he's only been there twice! Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Election and Conversion

Good Wednesday...well the election mud-slinging is all done for another two years. I makes me feel good to exercise my right...the people have anything going to change? NO, it isn't!

Why you might ask? Because the Democrats won't change much of anything, including the war, and they will blame their inability to "fix" the problem on what the Republicans did. Then the country will elect a new President, who will blame the last administration for all the problems they inherited and their inability to fix them.

They will stay in power for the next eight years...unless they really mess up. By that time the country will be tired of them and change parties again...and the new administration will blame all the problems they inherit and their lack of ability to fix them on the last administration....are you seeing a pattern here!

Here's something to laugh about! Check out the joke!

John Smith was the only Protestant to move into a large Catholic neighborhood.

On the first Friday of Lent, John was outside grilling a big juicy steak on his grill. Meanwhile, all of his neighbors were eating cold tuna fish for supper. This went on each Friday of Lent. On the last Friday of Lent, the neighborhood men got together and decided that something had to be done about John, he was tempting them to eat meat each Friday of Lent, and they couldn't take it anymore.

They decided to try and convert John to Catholicism. They went over and talked to him and were so happy that he decided to join all of his neighbors and become a Catholic. They took him to Church, and the Priest sprinkled some water over him, and said, "You were born a Baptist, you were raised a Baptist, and now you are a Catholic."

The men were so relieved, now their biggest Lenten temptation was resolved. The next year's Lenten season rolled around. The first Friday of Lent came, and just at supper time, when the neighborhood was setting down to their tuna fish dinner, came the wafting smell of steak cooking on a grill.

The neighborhood men could not believe their noses!


They called each other up and decided to meet over in John's yard to see if he had forgotten it was the first Friday of Lent?

The group arrived just in time to see John standing over his grill with a small pitcher of water. He was sprinkling some water over his steak on the grill, saying, "You were born a cow, you were raised a cow, and now you are a fish."

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

The Cubicle Next Door

This week, the Christian Fiction Blog Alliance is posting about The Cubicle Next Door by Siri L. Mitchell.

If you like blogging...which you must if you are reading will think this book is blogarific. After each chapter, there is a blog entry. The book is written in first person and contains some hilarious blog antics.

Imagine that you are an anonymous blogger, one who uses a silly name instead of your own, then imagine blogging about your work. Now imagine blogging about your cubicle mate of the opposite sex and calling him by an anonymous name.

I know some who have done just that.

But now imagine that your cubicle mate has discovered your blog and begins to read it out loud to you. EVERY MORNING.

The Cubicle Next Door is set in a civilian's view of working on a military post. That in itself is funny enough...then add that the main character is a tree hugging, anti-SUV lover, with a thing for Bollywood movies. (Her favorite it Bride & Prejudice.) Suddenly this civilian hippie is thrown into a cubicle next to an Air Force Pilot/Teacher who SUV. Can't you feel the love?

Also, The Cubicle Next Door has some wonderful moments of self discovery.

A delightful is an excerpt for you:

The Cubicle Next Door

by Siri L. Mitchell Released Aug 06

Excerpt from Chapter 1:

“So what do you think, Jackie?”

What do I think? Funny Joe should ask me that. He’s just finished reading my blog. He’s just quoted me to myself. Or is it myself to me? Do I sound surreal, as if I’m living in parallel universes?

I am!

The blog—my blog—is all about Joe. And other topics that make me want to scream. But the clever thing is, I’m anonymous. When I’m blogging.

I’m Jackie, Joe’s cubicle-mate when I’m not.

And that’s the problem.

Joe is asking Jackie (me) what I think about the Mystery Blogger (also me). And since I don’t want Joe to know the blog is all about me and what I think of him, I can’t tell him what I think about me.

My brain is starting to short circuit.

So if I can’t tell him what I think about me, I certainly can’t tell him what I think about him, so I’m going to have to pretend not to be me. Not me myself and not me The Cubicle Next Door Blogger—TCND to my fans.

I have fans!

If I were clever I’d say something like, “Look!” and point behind him and then duck out of the room when he turned around to look.

But there’s so much computer equipment stacked around my desk and so many cables snaking around the floor that I’d break my neck if I tried to run away. So that option is out.

I could try pretending I didn’t hear him. “What?”

“SUVs. So what do you think about them?”

But then we’d basically end up back where we started.

So how did I get myself into this mess?

It was all Joe’s fault.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

It's Tuesday...GO VOTE!

It's Tuesday...GO VOTE!!!!

This joke made me laugh out loud!

A young doctor moved out to a small community to replace the aging doctor there. The older doctor suggested that the younger doctor accompany him as he made his house calls so that the people of the community could become accustomed to him.

At the first house they visited, the younger doctor listened intently as the older doctor and an older lady discussed the weather, their grandchildren and the latest church bulletin.

After some time, the older doctor asked his patient how she had been feeling.

"I`ve been a little sick to my stomach," she replied.

"Well," said the older physician, "you`ve probably been over doing it a bit with the fresh fruit. Why don`t you cut back on the amount of fresh fruit you eat and see if that helps."

As they left the house, the younger doctor asked how the older doctor had reached his diagnosis so quickly.

"You didn`t even examine that woman," the younger doctor stated.

"I didn`t have to," the elder physician explain. "You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there. Well when I bent over to pick it up, I looked around and noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash can. That is probably what has been making her ill."

"That`s pretty sneaky," commented the younger doctor. "Do you mind if I try it at the next house?"

"I don`t suppose it could hurt anything," the elder physician replied.

At the next house, the two doctors visited with an elderly widow. They spent several minutes discussing the weather and grandchildren and the latest church bulletin.

After several minutes, the younger doctor asked the widow how she had been feeling lately.

"I`ve felt terribly run down lately," the widow replied. "I just don`t have as much energy as I used to."

"You`ve probably been doing too much work for the church," the younger doctor suggested without even examining his patient. "Perhaps you should ease up a bit and see if that helps."

As they left, the elder physician said, "Your diagnosis is probably right, but do you mind telling me how you came to that conclusion?"

"Sure," replied the younger doctor. "Just like you, I dropped my stethoscope on the floor. When I bent down to pick it up, I looked around and there was the preacher hiding under the bed!"

Monday, November 06, 2006

Hot Tips!

Good Monday morning!

Calling all writers. Check it out. Terry Whalin of the Writing Life has created a Daily Writing Tip. You can copy the code into your sidebar and have a new writing tip everyday. Try it, you'll like it!

It's right there in my left sidebar. Just click where it says "Add this to your website!"

Didn't find a joke I liked and it's late...okay so I did find one...

Expensive Smells

An old Italian woman is riding the elevator in a very lavish New York City office building.

A young and beautiful woman, smelling like expensive perfume, gets into the elevator. She turns to the old Italian woman and says arrogantly, "Giorgio Beverly Hills, $100 an ounce!"

A couple of floors later, another young and beautiful woman, smelling like expensive perfume, gets into the elevator. She turns to the old Italian woman and says arrogantly, "Chanel No. 5, $150 an ounce!"

Three floors later, the old Italian woman has reached her destination. As she exits the elevator, she peers at both women, bends over and farts, then bellows, "Broccoli, 49 cents a pound!"

LOL...sorry about that!

Friday, November 03, 2006

Godfather's Lawyer

We made's TGIF...(Thank God It's Friday) Have a great and safe weekend! Let's try another lawyer joke!

A Mafia Godfather, accompanied by his attorney, walks into a room to meet with his former accountant.

The Godfather asks the accountant, "Where is the 3 million bucks you embezzled from me?" The accountant does not answer.

The Godfather asks again, "Where is the 3 million bucks you embezzled from me?"

The attorney interrupts, "Sir, the man is a deaf mute and cannot understand you, but I can interpret for you."

The Godfather says, "Well ask him where my damn money is!" The attorney, using sign language, asks the accountant where the 3 million dollars is.

The accountant signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about." The attorney interprets to the Godfather, "He doesn't know what you are talking about."

The Godfather pulls out a 9 millimeter pistol, puts it to the temple of the accountant, cocks the trigger and says, "Ask him again where my damn money is!"

The attorney signs to the accountant, "He wants to know where it is!"

The accountant signs back, "OK! OK! OK! The money is hidden in a brown suitcase behind the shed in my backyard!"

The Godfather says, "Well....what did he say?"

The attorney interprets to the Godfather, "He says...go to hell...that you don't have the guts to pull the trigger."

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Kerry...and Lawyers

Good Thursday! It is snowing here in upstate New York as I write this...Sigh...'tis the season.'s a picture of a little note that our boys in Iraq sent to John Kerry after the joke debacle...sheesh that guy knows how to get himself "not elected" even when he isn't running!

And since I'm an equal opportunity basher, here's one for my lawyer friends! LOL!

One afternoon, a well-to-do lawyer was riding in his shiny limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass.

Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate the situation.
He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We HAVE TO EAT GRASS!"

The lawyer then said, "Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you!"

"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree."

"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.

Turning to the other poor man he said, "You come with us, too."

The second man said, "But sir, I also have a wife and six children with me!"

"Bring them all!" the lawyer answered. They all jammed into the huge limo.

Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

Genuinely touched, the lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really
love my place, the grass is almost a foot high!"

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

It is November 1st, time for the FIRST Day Blog Tour! (Join our alliance! Click the button!) The FIRST day of every month we will feature an author and their latest book's FIRST chapter!

This month's feature author is:

This blog is featuring a contest to win a
copy of Nancy's new book, Coldwater Revival. Just put in a comment and you
may be the winner!

Just three weeks before her wedding, Emma Grace Falin has returned to her hometown of Coldwater, Texas, consumed by a single, burning desire. She must confront the guilt and shame of a devastating event that has haunted her since childhood.

"...What a stunning debut novel."
--Wendy Lawton, Literary Agent, author of Impressions in Clay

"An astonishing debut! Coldwater Revival is a hauntingly beautiful story made doubly so by Nancy Jo Jenkins stunning, lyrical writing. I was mesmerized from cover to cover."
--Deborah Raney, author of A Nest of Sparrows and A Vow to Cherish

Read the rest HERE