Wednesday, January 31, 2007

GERM by Robert Liparulo

This week, the Christian Fiction Blog Alliance is introducting GERM(WestBow Nov 1, 2006) by Robert Liparulo


Robert's novel paints a scenario so frighteningly real that six Hollywood producers were bidding on movie rights before the novel was completed. His acclaimed debut novel, Comes A Horseman, is being made into a major motion picture by producer Mace Neufeld and his short story "Kill Zone" was featured in the anthology Thriller, edited by James Patterson.

Robert is an award-winning author of over a thousand published articles and short stories. He is currently a contributing editor for New Man magazine. His work has appeared in Reader's Digest, Travel & Leisure, Modern Bride, Consumers Digest, Chief Executive, and The Arizona Daily Star, among other publications. In addition, he previously worked as a celebrity journalist, interviewing Stephen King, Tom Clancy, Charlton Heston, and others for magazines such as Rocky Road, Preview, and L.A. Weekly. He has sold or optioned three screenplays.

Robert is an avid scuba diver, swimmer, reader, traveler, and a law enforcement and military enthusiast. He lives in Colorado with his wife and four children.

He is currently working on his third novel.


If you breathe, it will find you...

The list of 10,000 names was created for maximum devastation. On it are business leaders, housewives, politicians, celebrities, janitors, children. None know what is about to happen...but all will be part of the most frightening brand of warfare the world has ever known.

The GERM...a more advanced form of the Ebola virus...has been genetically engineered to infect only those people whose DNA matches the codes embedded within it. If your DNA is not a match, you simply catch a cold. But if your DNA is a match, within days your internal organs liquefy and you die a most painful death. There is no cure.

The release of the virus would usher in a new era of in which countries are left without any form of defense, where one person or millions could be killed with 100% accuracy yet result in no collateral damage to property or those not targeted.

That time isn't coming...It is now!

GERM is coming. Pray the assassins get you first.

I can't say enough good things about this book. I love Bob Liparulo's writing...check it out. This is the first know the subject be prepared!

Hardly resembling a man anymore, the thing on the bed jerked and thrashed like a nocturnal creature dragged into the light of day. His eyes had filled with blood and rolled back into his head, so only crimson orbs glared out from between swollen, bleeding lids. Black flecks stained his lips, curled back from canted teeth and blistered gums. Blood poured from nostrils, ears, fingernails. Flung from the convulsing body, it streaked up curtains and walls and streamed in dark pools on the tile floor.

Egads...I love this man's writing!

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

25 Ways To Tell You Are Grown Up

Good Tuesday...Yahoo...American Idol tonight! Oh, btw...when you get to the bottom of the list, there are two missing *snort*...and they're going to stay missing!

1.) Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.

2.) Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.

3.) You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

4.) 6:00AM is when you get up, not go to bed.

5.) You hear your favorite song in an elevator.

6.) You watch the Weather Channel.

7.) Your friends marry and divorce, instead of 'hookup' and 'breakup'.

8.) You go from 140 days of vacation time, to 14.

9.) Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as 'dressed up'.

10.) You're the one calling the police because those %&@* kids next door won't turn down the stereo. (And the word stereo dates you too, because there's no such animal any more!)

11.) Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.

12.) You don't know what time Taco Bell closes any more.

13.) Your car insureance goes down, and your car payments go up.

14.) You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.

15.) Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.

16.) You take naps.

17.) Dinner and a movie is the whole date, instead of the beginning of one.

18.) Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3:00AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.

19.) You go to drugstore for ibuprofen and antacids, instead of condoms and pregnancy tests.

20.) You actually eat breakfast food and breakfast time.

21.) "I just can't drink the way I used to do", replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again!"

22.) 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work. (Welllll!)

And last but not least in Ways to tell that you've grown up.

23.) You read the entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't fins one to save your sorry old butt!

Monday, January 29, 2007

Egads...That Hurts!

Well good Monday morning! I hope it finds you all still healthy and happy. I had a great time this weekend, doing taxes, and working on my screenplay. Well the first part wasn't so much fun....but the screenplay sure is. Here's a good funny....enjoy!

A woman named Jill stood up at her church's Testimony Meeting, or as some churches call it, "Cry Sunday", one Sunday morning, took the microphone from one of the church ushers, and bared her soul to the enrapt congregation:

"I want to tell you about the awful accident that my husband, Jim, has suffered this past month. He was riding his Harley, lost control, ran off the highway and hit a tree. He was rushed to the hospital, and could have died, but thank the Lord, all he suffered was a broken scrotum."

The congregation gasped in horror. The men in the congregation were obviously uneasy and writhed in their seats.

"Jim has been in terrible pain all month since the accident. He has trouble breathing. He has trouble swallowing his food. He can hardly lift anything, he's in so much pain, and he has missed work because of it.

He can't lift our children up to hold them and give them the personal love that they need. Worst of all, we can no longer cuddle and have intimate relations. He is in
constant pain, a pain so terrible that our love life has all but slipped away into oblivion.

I would like to ask you all in the congregation to pray for Jim, and pray for us, that his broken scrotum will soon heal and be as good as new. A dull murmur erupted within the congregation as the full impact of this terrible accident sank in, and the men in the congregation were visibly shaken up with the thought that, "There but for the grace of God go I."

Then, as the murmuring settled down, a lone figure stood up in midst of the congregation, worked his way up to the pulpit, obviously in pain, adjusted the microphone to his liking, then leaned over and said to the congregation:

"My name is Jim, and I have only one word for my wife, Jill. That word is: sternum."

Friday, January 26, 2007

Men Are Like...'s Friday...and it actually snowing out there. No blizzard in sight, but it's nice to see the flakes! Have a great weekend, and come back safe and sound on Monday!

Men are like....

1. Men are like...Laxatives...They irritate the crap out of you.

2. Men are like Bananas...The older they get, the less firm they are.

3. Men are like...Weather...Nothing can be done to change them.

4. Men are like...Blenders...You need One, but you're not quite sure why.

5. Men are like...Chocolate Bars...Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.

6. Men are like...Commercials...You can't believe a word they say.

7. Men are like...Department Stores...heir clothes are always 1/2 off.

8. Men are like...Government Bonds...They take soooooooo long to mature.

9. Men are like...Mascara...They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

10. Men are like...Popcorn...They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

11. Men are like...Snowstorms...You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

12. Men are like...Lava Lamps...Fun to look at, but not very bright.

13. Men are like...Parking Spots...All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

Now send this post to all the remarkable women you know, as well as to any understanding good-natured, fun kinda guys you might be lucky enough to know !!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Americans Are Spoiled Brats

Hey it Thursday. I shall not...*snort*...I shall not talk about American Idol, or the girl that said she couldn't sing and was tone deaf but deserved to be the next american idol because she was willing to let them teach her to sing!...LOL...Let's just pick on Americans!

I got this from my friend BJ's Blog

A recent Newsweek poll alleges that 67 percent of Americans are unhappy with the
direction the country is headed and 69 percent of the country is unhappy with the
performance of the president.

In essence 2/3's of the citizenry just aren’t happy and want a change. So being the Die Hard American that I am, I started thinking,

‘‘What are we so unhappy about?''

Is it that we have electricity and running water 24 hours a day, 7 days a week?

Is our unhappiness the result of having air conditioning in the summer and heating in the winter?

Could it be that 95.4 percent of these unhappy folks have a job?

Maybe it is the ability to walk into a grocery store at any time and see more food in moments than Darfur has seen in the last year?

Maybe it is the ability to drive from the Pacific Ocean to the Atlantic Ocean without
having to present identification papers as we move through each state?

Or possibly the hundreds of clean and safe motels we would find along the way that can provide temporary shelter?

I guess having thousands of restaurants with varying cuisine from around the world is just not good enough.

Or could it be that when we wreck our car, emergency workers show up and provide services to help all involved. Whether you are rich or poor they treat your wounds and even, if necessary, send a helicopter to take you to the hospital.

Perhaps you are one of the 70 percent of Americans who own a home.

You may be upset with knowing that in the unfortunate case of having a fire, a group
of trained firefighters will appear in moments. Of course using top-notch equipment to extinguish the flames thus saving you, your family and your belongings.

Or if, while at home watching one of your many flat screen TVs, a burglar or prowler intrudes; an officer equipped with a gun and a bulletproof vest will come to defend you and your family against attack or loss.

This is all in the backdrop of a neighborhood free of bombs or militias raping and pillaging the residents.

Neighborhoods where 90 percent of teenagers own cell phones and computers.

How about the complete religious, social and political freedoms we enjoy that are the
envy of everyone in the world?

Maybe that is what has 67 percent of you folks unhappy.

Fact is, we are THE largest group of ungrateful, spoiled brats the world has ever seen.

No wonder the world loves the U.S. yet has a great disdain for its citizens.

They see us for what we are.

The most blessed people in the world who do nothing but complain about what we don't have and what we hate about the country instead of thanking the good Lord we live here.

I know, I know. What about the president who took us into war and has no plan to get us out?

The president who has a measly 31 percent approval rating? Is this the same
president who guided the nation in the dark days after 9/11? The president that cut
taxes to bring an economy out of recession?

Could this be the same guy who has been called every name in the book for succeeding in keeping all the spoiled brats safe from terrorist attacks?

The commander-in-chief of an all-volunteer army that is out there defending you and me?

Make no mistake about it.

The troops in Iraq and Afghanistan have volunteered to serve, and in many cases have died for your freedom.

There is currently no draft in this country.

They didn't have to go.

They are able to refuse to go and end up with either a 'general discharge', an 'other
than honorable' discharge or, worst case scenario, a 'dishonorable' discharge after a few days in the brig.

So why then the flat out discontentment in the minds of 69 percent of Americans?

Say what you want but I blame it on the media.

If it bleeds it leads and they specialize in bad news.

Everybody will watch a car crash with blood and guts. How many will watch kids selling lemonade at the corner?

The media knows this and media outlets are for-profit corporations. They offer what sells.

Just ask why they are going to allow a murderer like O.J. Simpson to write a book
and do a TV special about how he didn't kill his wife. Insane!

Stop buying the negative venom you are fed everyday by the media. Shut off the TV,
burn Newsweek, and use the New York Times for the bottom of your bird cage.

Then start being grateful for all we have as a country.

There is exponentially more good than bad.

I close with one of my favorite quotes from B.C.Forbes in 1953:

"What have Americans to be thankful for? More than any other people on the earth,
we enjoy complete religious freedom, political freedom, social freedom. Our liberties
are sacredly safeguarded by the Constitution of the United States, 'the most wonderful work ever struck off at a given time by the brain and purpose of man.'
Yes, we Americans of today have been bequeathed a noble heritage. Let us pray that we may hand it down unsullied to our children and theirs."

I suggest we sit back and count our blessings for all we have. If we don't, what we have will be taken away. Then we will have to explain to future generations why we squandered such blessing and abundance.

If we are not careful this generation will be known as the 'greediest and most ungrateful generation'.

A far cry from the proud Americans of the 'greatest generation' who left us an untarnished legacy.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Email Etiquette

Yea, I know I already used the little head-banger guy, but I really like's me! Well it's Wednesday...and let me tell you one thing! After tonight's episode of American Idol, if anybody...including big mouth Rosie O'Donnell whines one more time about how the judges are denigrating the contestants on national TV, my head is going to spin around, split open and I'm going to start spewing pea soup!

And I know your asking what...or who, pray tell got my hackle up? Well, right on national TV, this jerk guy gets up there, and to a rendition of Elvis' Burning Love, this idiot proceeds to unzip his fly and pull out a white bandana, it's the least bit sexy, and going to turn anybody on.....YUCK....double YUCK. IDIOTS!!!

Heh, heh...Well let's get to another pet peeve of!

Big companies don't do business via chain letter. Bill Gates is not giving you $1000, and Disney is not giving you a free vacation. AppleBee's is not giving away gift certificates, and if Hotmail was going to delete your account, sending another chain letter would not prevent this.

There is no baby food company issuing class-action checks. You can relax; there is no need to pass it on "just in case it's true." Furthermore, just because someone said in the message, four generations back that "we checked it out and it's legit," does not actually make it true.

Nobody, and I mean nobody (with the possible exception of the FBI, if you have terrorist connections) can tell who you forward your email to. Yahoo, Hotmail, AOL, and ICQ can figure out whether you're active by looking at their own computers. They do, after all, provide the service.

There is no kidney theft ring in New Orleans. No one is waking up in a bathtub full of ice, even if a friend of a friend swears it happened to their cousin. If you are hell-bent on believing the kidney-theft stories, please see And I quote: "the National Kidney Foundation has asked any individual who claims to have had his or her kidneys illegally removed to step forward and contact them. So far no one's showed up." That's "no one" as in "zero." Not even your friend's cousin.

Neiman Marcus doesn't really sell a $200 cookie recipe. And even if they do, we all have it. And even if you don't, you can get a copy at: Cookie Recipe Then, if (and only if) you make the recipe, and decide the cookies are that awesome, feel free to pass the recipe on.

We all know all 500 ways to drive your roommates crazy, irritate co-workers and creep out people on an elevator. We also know exactly how many engineers, college students, Usenet posters, and people from each and every world ethnicity it takes to change a light bulb.

Even if the latest NASA rocket disaster(s) did contain plutonium that went to particulate over the eastern seaboard, do you really think this information would reach the public via an AOL chain-letter?

There is no "Good Times" virus. In fact, you should never, never ever forward any email containing any virus warning unless you first confirm it at an actual company that actually deals with viruses. Try And NEVER delete a file, or change your computer's settings, because of a chain-letter warning.

If your TO: list is regularly longer than the actual content of your message, you're probably going to Hell.

If you still absolutely must forward that 10th-generation message from a friend, at least have the decency to trim the eight miles of headers showing everyone else who's received it over the last 6 months. It sure wouldn't hurt to get rid of all the ">>>>>>" that begin each line. Besides, if it has gone around that many times, I've probably already seen it!

Chain letters do not bring you luck. Consider the pathetic son-of-a-gun you just received it from. Is he particularly lucky? Is he driving a new car? Are the supermodels beating a path to his door? Is he comparing financial statements with Bill Gates? Does he have any friends he hasn't met through cyberspace? If not, sending out his chain letter, which is guaranteed to annoy all your friends, is not going to bring you any luck, either.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

13 Reasons To Smile

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.

Marriage changes passion.

Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it.
So I said "Implants?" She hit me.

How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss America?

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Wow...that was fun!"

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."

Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!

Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?

Wouldn't you know it...
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.

Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside? .
Bumper sticker of the year:
"If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English, thank a soldier"

And remember: life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

I could pass up the opportunity to tell women...

The next time a man tells you
he doesn't need to buy the cow when the
milk is free...tell him...

"Yea, and women don't need to buy the
pig when the sausage is free!"

Monday, January 22, 2007

Kids Are Creative

Hey it's Monday already! Another work week stretched out there in front of you. But hey, we've got Amreican Idol and 24 to get us thru it! Here's some cute jokes about kids in church. Enjoy!

A little boy was in a relatives wedding. As he was coming down the aisle, he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd. While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar.

So it went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR, all the way down the aisle. As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit. When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, "I was being the Ring Bear."

One Sunday in a Midwest City, a young child was "acting up" during the morning worship hour. The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew
but were losing the battle. Finally, the father picked the little fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle on his way out.

Just before reaching the safety of the foyer, the little one called loudly to the congregation, "Pray for me! Pray for me!

One particular four-year old prayed, "And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets."

A little boy was overheard praying: "Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it I'm having a real good time like I am."

A Sunday School teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."

A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, looking at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out of the Bible. He picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that has been pressed in between the pages.

"Mama, look what I found," the boy called out.

"What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked.

With astonishment in the young boy's voice he answered, "It's Adam's suit."

The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went. Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again.

After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, "If he gets loose, will he hurt us?"

Six-year old Angie, and her four-year old brother, Joel, were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang and talked out loud.

Finally, his big sister had had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church."

"Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked.

Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the door? They're hushers."

My grandson was visiting one day when he asked,"Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?"

I mentally polished my halo, while I asked, "No, how are we alike?"

"You're both old," he replied.

A ten-year old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming quite knowledgeable about the Bible. Then, one day, she floored her grandmother by asking, "Which Virgin was the mother of Jesus? The Virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?"

A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was. Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou shall not take the covers off the neighbor's wife."

Friday, January 19, 2007

Kids are Quick

It's Friday...have a great weekend. This has been a great week with the beginning of American Idol and 24 coming back....ahhh....TV nirvana!

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria.

TEACHER: Why are you late, Frank?
FRANK: Because of the sign..
TEACHER: What sign?
FRANK: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow"

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't
have ten years ago.

ROBBIE: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."
MILLIE: I is...
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, "I am."
MILLIE: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry
tree but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't
punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the ax in his hand.

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your
brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No. It's the same dog.

TEACHER: Harold what do you call a person who keeps talking when people are no longer interested?

HAROLD: A teacher.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Email Alerts

Well we made it to Thursday...what's funny today? American Idol is being hysterical! And now....Rosie ODonnell has decided to take off on a new rant. I guess she's tired of annoying The Donald! Now she's trashing the American Idol show...and Paula...and Simon could care less!

Okay here it stupid e-mail rant!, myself and I are not stupid...but my e-mail is laughably stupid. Not only because it is annoying me to distraction...but because some of it is so far out there!

This didn't come in, as in the form of a question, but as one of the regular and mainly misplaced alerts that my friends seem so hell-bent on foisting on the unsuspecting population of North America. It is no wonder that the rest of the world thinks Americans are idiots!

But I digress...the email alerted me in this fashion:

Someone told me last week that hanging a CD in the windscreen can send police radar guns crazy, thus avoiding a reading. Since hearing this I've noticed a few truckers with a line of CD's hanging across the bottom of the windscreen.

Okay, so what did I do after ROFLOL??? See, I've learned that when I get an e-mail from this particular friend (sorry A.A.) the first thing I do is set down anything that I am holding that has an inhaled projectile quality.

Next I went to some of my favorite urban myth sites. And low and behold that exact e-mail text was on the site. It also listed other methods bantered about as mercurial cures for being caught at speeding (ei. Breaking the law!) Remember, my daddy was a cop!

The list included:

1.) Hanging a compact disc from your car's rear view mirror (give me a break...I know people that have half their house dangling from the rearview mirror and it hasn't helped them!)

2.) Stash balls of tinfoil in your vehicle's hubcaps or wrap the hubcaps themselves with this material. ("Balls," she says as she looks out at the audience and smiles mischievously..) Bad Bonnie...bad Bonnie...go back to sleep! Anyhow this method is about as helpful as wearing a colander covered with tinfoil to keep the aliens from reading your mind!

3.) Festoon your jalopy's antenna with strips of tinfoil....Now this one must have been around for a while 'cause no one calls a car a jalopy any more. We have a whole generation that don't even know what a record player is, let alone a jalopy! Besides, many car antennas are in the back now, so unless the cop is trying to shoot you in the butt, that one wouldn't help even if it did work.

4.) Apply mylar strips to you chariot's license plate. Now that one might work except I don't remember any radar guns in Ben Hur...Although there was that blooper in the movie where one of the 'cast of thousands' raised his sword in a charge scene and there was a wrist watch on him....Ooops! much for authentic realism!

A episode of a show called Mythbusters that aired on Oct. 13, 2004 included hanging a disco ball from the rearview mirror, covering the car entirely with aluminum foil and painting the car with flat black paint to scatter the radar's laser beams. None worked.

Now I don't know about you...but even if something that...that...down bad Bonnie, down! Sigh...even if it worked who in the........would drive around in something that looked like that, other than maybe a John Travolta look-alike playing the 8-track tape of Saturday Night Fever??

Notice I didn't say because it's hanging off the tailpipe for added insurance...Sheesh!

Anyhow, the site goes on to say that outfitting ones auto with shiny things to render it invisible to police radar dates back to at least the 1980's and is common in both Canada and the U.S


If you receive an email entitled "Bedtimes" delete it IMMEDIATELY. Do not open it. Apparently this one is pretty nasty.

• It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer.

• It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards. It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR, and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play.

• It will program your phone auto dial to call only 0898 numbers.

• This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank.

• It will cause your toilet to flush while you are showering.


• It will leave dirty underwear on the coffee table when you are expecting company.

• It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine.

• If the "Bedtimes" message opened in a Windows XP environment, it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub.


• It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows

• It will also refill your skim milk with whole milk.

Send this warning to everyone!!!

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

This week, the Christian Fiction Blog Alliance is introducing Arms of Deliverance (Moody Publishers, 2006) by Tricia Goyer (fellow CFBA member, blogger, writer, and homeschooling mom!)


Tricia Goyer is one the members of the Christian Fiction Blog Alliance (Tricia's Blog, "It's Real Life" Tricia's Parenting Blog, "Generation NeXt") and we are pleased to be able to review her exciting historical fiction book, Arms of Deliverance. She was named Mount Hermon Christian Writers Conference "Writer of the Year" in 2003. Tricia was also a finalist for the Gold Medallion Book Award and won ACFW's "Book of the Year" for Long Historial Romance in 2005 AND in 2006. She has written hundreds of articles, Bible Study notes, and both fiction (three other WWII novels, From Dust to Ashes, Night Song and Dawn of a Thousand Nights. Night Song, the second title in Tricia’s World War II series, won ACFW's Book of the Year for Best Long Historical Romance.) She's and non-fiction books. married to John, and they have three great kids whom she homeschools: Cory (17), Leslie (14), and Nathan (12). They make their home in Northwest Montana with their dog, Lilly.


The fourth and final novel in this exhilarating series capturing the tales of men and women swept into World War II.

EUROPE, 1944

Katrine, a Czech Jew, is so successful in her attempt to pass as an Aryan that she finds herself dating a Nazi officer. Having convinced him of her genetic purity, the officer sends her to stay at a Lebensborn home--a Nazi breeding program in which children are raised and indoctrinated by the state.

Meanwhile, two friends, Mary and Lee, one a socialite, the other a working class girl, land similar reporting jobs at the New York Tribune on the eve of the war’s outbreak. Now rivals with assignments on the frontlines of war-torn Europe, Lee joins troops sailing for Normandy, while Mary's destiny lies in the cramped quarters of a B-17 bearing down on Berlin. Before the presses roll, their lives will be indelibly marked by a caring American navigator, brave French resistors, and a maniacal Nazi officer. Arms of Deliverance is a story of unexpected redemption.

Read Chapter One on Tricia's Blog.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Women and wine

It's Tuesday, and not yet a snowflake in sight. The winter blast yesterday was the strangest thing! They got ice to the West of us! They got ice to the North of us....and they got ice to the East of us! We got rain.

This past fall, I proposed to buy new snow tires. The ones I have are four years old, and last year there were a few times at the end of the season where they felt a little unstable. But I wasn't sure if it was just the type of snow (slippery vs fluffy and dry). So I was waiting for a snowstorm to see how they acted this year...We're three weeks into the new year, and we have yet to have appreciable snow!

Not that I'm complaining...well, yes, I probably am because it would give me a reason to give myself a vacation day...LOL!'s another example of female logic...enjoy!

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday morning. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

God works in Mysterious ways.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars, there's nothing left of them, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."Flattered, the man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely; this must be a sign from God!"

The woman continues, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break.

"Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it, drinks half the bottle, and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?" The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police...."

Women are clever, evil witches. Don't mess with them.

Monday, January 15, 2007

Dr. Martin Luther King

Today is the holiday set aside to remember the birthday of Dr. Marin Luther Kin Jr. It is also the first year that his beloved and dedicated wife Corietta is not with usto carry on his torch.

There is not much I could say, that hasn't already been said about this great man, but this picture is one of my favorites. I remember this day, and the excitement, and the masses of people drawn to hear this humble servant of God speak.

Take a moment and reflect on his "I Have A Dream" speech. Funny, I can still hear his voice in my head. Isn't it amazing the things that stick with us for eons, when most of us...mytself included can't remember where I laid down the car keys, two hours ago!

If you'd like to read more about Dr. King's life and times, here is a good site for that: Martin Luther King

Friday, January 12, 2007

Dear Diary

Hey, hey, it's Friday...TGIF...I've had several Dear Diary jokes...I should put them all together and make it a book...LOL! this is not a testament of my actual cooking skills...I can cook some mean roadkill!

It's fun to cook for Bob. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls.

Bob wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn't dress. What a surprise when Bob brought a friend home for supper.

A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kind of silly but I took a bath anyway. I can't say it improved the rice any.

Today Bob asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Bob asked me why I was rolling around in the garden.

I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put the ingredients in bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left.

Bob did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday (oh boy). For some reason Bob keeps counting to ten.

Bob's friends came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast, but all I had was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius. I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment.

This has been a very exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Bob. If I can talk Bob into buying a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with Chocolate Moose!

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Kids Say the Darndest Things

Hey's Thursday! Time sure flies when you're having fun.

Sad news: Yvonne De Carlo, the beautiful star who played Moses' wife in "The Ten Commandments" but achieved her greatest popularity on TV's "The Munsters," has died. She was 84.

I really liked her as a star. In the "old days" she was considered one of the most beautiful women in Hollywood!

Here's a joke, that I was propmted to post because I messed up the spelling of Baptist in the post below this. (LOL...don't look now, I fixed it!)And the Blogger posting box has no icons tonight, so I don't have a button to uplink the pictures!

Three little Boys were concerned because they couldn't get anyone to play with them.
They decided it was because they had not been baptized and didn't go to Sunday School.

So they went to the nearest Church. But, only the Janitor was there.

One little Boy said, "We need to be baptized because no one will come out and play with Us. Will You baptize Us?"

"Sure," said the Janitor.

He took them into the bathroom and dunked their little heads in the toilet bowl,
one at a time. Then He said, "You are now baptized!".

"When they got outside, one of them asked, "What religion do You think We are?"

The oldest one said,

"We're not Kathlick, .....because they pour the water on You."
"We're not Babtis, because they dunk all of You in the water."
"We're not Methdiss, ....because they just sprinkle water on You."

The littlest one said, "Didn't you smell that water!"

They all joined in asking, "Yeah! What do You think that means?"

"I think it means we're Pisscopailians"...

LOL...I don't write them, I just post them! :-)

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

A Pagan's Nightmare

This week, the Christian Fiction Blog Alliance is introducting A Pagan's Nightmare.


Ray Blackston of Greenville, South Carolina, worked as a buyer and a broker for eleven years before cashing in his modest 401k and leaving his corporate cubicle in 2000 to write full time. He is a graduate of the University of south Carolina, with a degree in Finance and Economics.

He serves on the drama team at his church, participates in a weekly men's accountability group, serves on the missions committee of his church, has traveled to rural Ecuador on a summer missions program, and coaches his seven-year-old nephew, Action Jackson, in T-Ball.

When he is not crafting a new novel, is exploring south Carolina beaches with friends and family. He competes in golf tournaments, leads a writers' critique group, and relives his youth through a large collection of eighties music!

His first novel Flabbergasted was one of three finalists for the Christy Award for best first novel, and was chosen as Inspirational Novel of the Year by the Dallas Morning News


Christians can buy gas for twelve cents a gallon, while everyone else (the pagans, that is) have to pay $6.66. The radio stations alter all song lyrics to conform to "Christian" standard--the Beatles belt out "I Wanna Hold Your Tithe"; ABBA's "Dancing Queen" becomes "Dancing's Wrong". Even French fries, newly labeled "McScriptures", are tools for evangelism.

Larry's novel is a big hit with his agent, Ned. But Ned's wife..a committed Southern less than amused. And Larry has yet to show the manuscript to his new girlfriend, even though he's made her the unsuspecting heroine. It will take deft handling from both men to keep their lives and their relationships intact when the world witnesses A Pagan's Nightmare.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

I've Been Tagged

Well, well, well, my FRIEND Gordon has lain himself on the pyre of flaming keyboards, as the sacrificial goat of taggers the world over, in being brave enough (that's not really the word I'd use, but I'm being nice...weird...huh?) to tag ME for five things about me!!!!

1.)That I absolutely, unequivocally HATE to be tagged, and with maniacal glee will eviscerate any soul who deems themselves brave enough to try.

2.)That I would like to hotwire the keyboards of taggers to deliver electrical shocks every time they even think about passing on the dirty deed to some unexpecting soul.

3.)That I hope the Bird of Paradise will crap on the birthday cakes of the aforementioned taggers, and that the fleas of a thousand camels will come to rest in their....uh get the drift!

4.)That I am appalled that anyone in the free world could have missed this post...
(see my post on 10/21/05)!

5.)That this rant makes me feel absolutely FABULOUS and right now I'm doing the "Happy PeePee Dance"....thank you Gordon!

Will I pass on the pain?....Not on your life....I tap you all with my your heels together three times and say, "There's no place safer than home!"

Go and be happy my children!

Now for the Joke of the Day!

Things to do at Walmart while your spouse/partner is taking their sweet time:

I laughed so hard, I cried!!!!

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell them "Code 3 in Housewares" and see what they do.

5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are. (Our Walmart doesn't sell guns, but they got knives!)

11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!"

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"

And, last, but not least!

15. Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait awhile; and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

Monday, January 08, 2007

Heroes and Veterinarians

Good Monday morning. They say our weather is going to get cold...hehehe...there's less than 90 days until spring. I'm not going to knock it now! This weekend, in New York city it was 72 degrees...72 degrees, can you imagin that!

Well after the week the NY City had, God must have smiled on them favorably. I know you've all probably seen the headlines, but on Tuesday:

Wesley Autrey saw Cameron Hollopeter, a 19-year-old film student, suffering a seizure while waiting for a train. After stumbling down the platform, Hollopeter, of Littleton, Massachusetts, fell onto the tracks with a train on its way into the station.

He jumped down to the tracks, a few feet below platform level, and rolled with the young man into a drainage trough between the rails as the southbound No. 1 train came into the Manhattan station.

Some train cars passed over Autrey and Hollopeter with only a couple of inches to spare, but neither man suffered any harm from the incident. Hollopeter, hospitalized for his medical condition, is in stable condition.

Then on Wednesday:

A newborn baby and mom are doing fine after a special delivery on the L subway platform Wednesday night, and they have three of the city's finest to thank.

The 24-year-old woman went into labor shortly before 10 p.m. at the Broadway Junction station in Brooklyn. Transit police officers Bruno Valenti, Brian Higgins and Leslie Grant responded and helped deliver the baby. Sergeant Valenti is a trained EMT.

And last but not least...on Thursday:

Julio Gonzalez, 43, and Pedro Nevarez, 40, saw 3-year-old Timothy Addo dangling from a Bronx building. The boy had crawled out of a window when his baby sitter briefly took her eyes off of him, police said.

Hearing people in the building scream for help as the boy's grip weakened, the men rushed over to position themselves under the fire escape to catch him.

The boy tumbled and hit Nevarez in the chest so hard he knocked him off balance, but he bounced into Gonzalez' arms. Timothy was treated at the hospital for a cut on his forehead

"This is the week of heroes in New York," Police Commissioner Raymond Kelly said.

And I second that thought...last week New York City was truly the city of angels!

Now for something extremely funny...not me, at this juncture, but my dear friend and same-name friend Bonnie Wren. This is a hysterical post on keeping a pwderroom clean in a house full of men!

And now for a funny from my friend Ric!

One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the pastor of a small Florida church found a plain pink envelope containing $1000.

It happened again the next week.

The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw a little old lady put the distinctive pink envelope in the plate. This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her.

"Ma'am, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate," he stated.

"Why yes," she replied, "every week my son sends me money, and I give some of it to the church."

The pastor replied, "That's wonderful, how much does he send you?"

The old lady said, "$10,000 a week."

The pastor was amazed. "Your son is very successful. What does he do for a living?"

"He is a veterinarian," she answered.

"That is an honorable profession," the pastor said. "Where does he practice?"

The little old lady said proudly, "In Nevada. He has two cat houses in Las Vegas and one in Reno."

Hah...I bet you never saw it coming! LOL

Friday, January 05, 2007

Exercise and Alligators

It's Friday....Short weeks are confusing...I'm still a day behind! I think!

Well this is a good example of just what exercise will get for knock it off!

Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5000 per month.

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. Now she's 97 years old and we don't know where the hell she is.

The only reason I would take up exercising is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven’t lost a pound. Guess you actually have to go.

I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

And last but not least: I don't exercise because it makes the ice jump right out of my glass.

"Another alligator attack!"

Thursday, January 04, 2007

A Week At The Gym

Good Thursday morning...I was revisiting some of my favorite posts from last year. this one makes me laugh everytime I read it...especially since my New Year's resolution tis to get back in shape...Don't know what that looks like, but I'll find it! This didn't happen to me, but I know every woman out there can identify with it!

If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you. This is dedicated to every woman who has ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.

Dear Diary...

For New Years, this year, my husband (THE DEAR) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.

Although I am still in great shape since playing on my high school tennis team, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Bruce, who identified himself as a 26 year old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.

My husband (THE SWEET DEAR) seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started.

The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.


Started my day at 6:00 am. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Bruce waiting for me.

He is something of a Greek god - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile....... Woo Hoo, let's get going!!

Bruce gave me a tour and showed me the machines.

He took my pulse after five minutes on the treadmill. He was alarmed that my pulse was so fast, but I attributed it to standing next to him in his awesome Lycra aerobic shorts.

I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!

Bruce was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the entire time that he was around.
WOW! This is going to be a fantastic week!!


I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door.
Bruce made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air - then he put weights on it. My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile and Bruce's beautiful rewarding smile made it all worthwhile.

I feel GREAT!! It's s a whole new life for me.


The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over the damn brush.

I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.

Bruce was becoming impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered all of the other club members.

His voice then became a little too perky for early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY, VERY, annoying.

My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Bruce put me on the stair monster.

Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators?

Bruce told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He mumbled some other stuff too.......but who listened.


Bruce was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl.

I couldn't help being a half an hour late, it took me that long to tie my fr***ing shoes.

Bruce took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the men's room. He sent Lars to find me, then, as my punishment, he put me on the rowing machine which I sank.


I hate that @#*!$# Bruce more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of this world.

Stupid, skinny, anemic little cheerleader fruit. If there was a part of my body that I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat the crap out of him with it. Bruce wanted me to work on my triceps.

I don't have any triceps!!

And if he didn't want dents in the floor, he shouldn't have handed me the *&%#(#&**!!@* barbells or anything else that weighed more than a sandwich.

The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?


Bruce left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly, girly voice wondering why I did not show up today.

Just hearing him made me want to smash the machine with my planner.

However, I lacked the strength to even pick up the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.


I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over.

I will also pray that next year my husband (THE @#%$&!*) will choose a gift for me that is fun -like a root canal or perhaps a hysterectomy.

"I thought a mouse ran into that hole!"

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Tangerine by Marilynn Griffith

This week, the Christian Fiction Blog Alliance is posting about Tangerine (Revell, January 2007) by Marilynn Griffith (fellow CFBA member, blogger, writer, and mother of *GULP* seven!)


Marilynn Griffith is wife to a deacon, mom to a tribe and proof that God gives second chances. Her novels include Made of Honor (Steeple Hill, Jan. 2006), Pink (Revell, Feb. 2006), Jade (Revell, June 2006), and If the Shoe Fits (Revell, 2007).

Her other credits include Chicken Soup for the Christian Woman’s Soul, Cup of Comfort Devotionals and her Shades of Style series (Revell, 2006). She lives in Florida with her husband and children. To book speaking engagements or just say hello, email:


Tangerine is the third book in the Shades of Style Novels.

Fans of Pink and Jade will eat up Tangerine, the third book in the cutting-edge Shades of Style series.

Jean Guerra, a designer at Garments of Praise design firm, doesn't like surprises. These days though, the unexpected meets her everywhere. Since Jean's return to the church a year ago, her God-encounters occur with increasing frequency, along with thoughts of her husband-the one she vowed to divorce and gave up on long ago. The one nobody at work knows about, not even her best friend, Lily, or her boss, Chenille.

But when the designer assigned to work with Jean on a line of men's suits shows up, her heart flips. It's her husband, Nigel Salvador. Jean is finally rendered speechless. Can her bruised heart become whole enough to love again? Or will she remain in the trenches of loneliness forever?

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Las Vegas Churches

VACATION IS OVER! *sigh* It has been a truly wonderful 10 days! But alas...I must return to the real world...and attempt to get caught up on my blogging. If I haven't been to see you, I will! Here's a funny to start the work week!

This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas, but there are more Catholic churches than casinos.

Not surprisingly, some worshippers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed.

Since they get chips from many different casinos, the churches have devised a method to collect the offerings.

The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in.

This is done by the Chip Monks...! :-)


Monday, January 01, 2007

Happy New Year


Hell In A Briefcase

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! It is January 1st, time for the FIRST Day Blog Tour! (Join our alliance! Click the button!) The FIRST day of every month we will feature an author and their latest book's FIRST chapter!

This month's feature author is:
Phil Little with Brad Whittington
and their book:
(A Matt Cooper Novel)


With violence in the Middle East escalating daily, Americans are glued to their televisions wondering what will happen next. Meanwhile, Matt Cooper, jet-setting star of Phil Little's debut novel Hell in a Briefcase is doing something about it. A private security executive, his adrenaline-junkie days consist of last-minute first-class overseas flights, Hollywood parties with his actress girlfriend, and direct calls from top CIA brass.
A chance meeting with Mr. Roberts, “an old broken-down millionaire” and uncommon Christian, sends Cooper on a trip to Israel that will change his life. Matt goes behind the curtain of Middle East terrorism, witnessing firsthand the untold ravages of holy war. The deeper he goes, the closer he gets to a plot involving eleven stolen briefcase nukes and a plan infinitely more sinister than 9/11.


Phil Little, president of West Coast Detectives and a recognized expert in counter-terrorism, provides bodyguards to the stars and runs a detective agency that has served ABC, NBC, CBS, CNN, FOX, Paramount, MGM, and hundreds of others ( He draws on this experience in crafting the tightly wound plot of this international thriller. In addition to his duties as a security expert, Phil has also written Hostile Intent, Protecting Yourself from Terrorism and will soon be the subject of a television pilot. In the meantime, you can read more about Matt's adventures in his blog,

In addition, Phil is available for comment on all aspects of international terrorism, both at home and abroad, and he makes for an interesting and colorful guest. His expertise in the area of international issues combined with his personable on-camera style would make for a great interview on this hot topic. From Lebanese terror camps in the 1970’s to American airports in the months before 9/11, Phil Little has witnessed the terror threat up close and can share eye-opening stories and information that all Americans should know.


Marjeyoun, Lebanon.

Thursday, 21 November 2002. 01:30.

A full moon. A glow seemed to rise from the sand, allowing them to drive with their headlights off. The five Jeeps kept to 40 kph on the dark road that wound southward between hills and wadis. In the third Jeep, Major Skaff allowed himself the brief luxury of picking out Pegasus in the sharp winter sky before he compulsively scanned the rocky terrain for signs of Hezbollah fedayeen. He was leading this patrol to check out rumors of increased activity near Shaaba Farms, the disputed area where three Israeli soldiers had been kidnapped two years before.

To read the rest, go HERE