Wednesday, February 28, 2007

This week, the Christian Fiction Blog Alliance

is introducing

A Valley Of Betrayal

(Moody Publishers - February 1, 2007)

by Tricia Goyer (fellow CFBA member, blogger, writer, and homeschooling mom!)


Tricia is a members of the Christian Fiction Blog Alliance. She also has a blog, It's Real Life and a parenting blog Generation NeXt.

TRICIA GOYER is the author of five novels, two nonfiction books and one children's book. She also was named Mount Hermon Christian Writers Conference Writer of the Year in 2003. In 2005, her novel Night Song, the second title in Tricia’s World War II series, won ACFW's Book of the Year for Best Long Historical Romance. In 2006, her novel Dawn of A Thousand Nights also won book of the Year for Long Historical Romance. Tricia and her husband, John, live with their family in northwestern Montana.


We are pleased to be able to review her exciting Chronicles of the Spanish Civil War, A Valley Of Betrayal

For reasons beyond her control, Sophie finds herself alone in the war-torn Spanish countryside, searching for her beloved Michael. His work as a news photographer has taken him deep into the country wracked by civil war. What was once a thriving paradise has become a battleground for Nazi-backed Franco fascist soldiers and Spanish patriots. She is caught up in the escalating events when the route to safety is blocked and fighting surrounds her.

Secrets abound in the ruined Spain. Michael is loving but elusive, especially about beautiful maria. The American who helped Sophie sneak into Spain turns up in odd places. Michael's friend Jose knows more than he tells. When reports of Michael's dissappearance reach her, Sophie is devastaed. What are her feelings for Philip, an American soldier who comes to her rescue?

Sophie must sift truth from lies as she becomes more embroiled in the war that threatens her life and breaks her heart. On her darkest night, Sophie takes refuge with a brigade of international compatriots. Among these volunteers, she pledges to make the plight of the Spanish people known around the world through the power of art.

Acclaimed author Tricia Goyer creates a riviting cast of characters against the backdrop of pre-WWII spain. Love, loss, pain, and beauty abound in A Valley Of Betrayal, the first book in her new series, Chronicles of the Spanish Civil War.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Think Before You Speak...Or Eat!

Well good Monday morning. Yes, that's right...I said Monday, even thought today is Tuesday. I actually posted this yesterday but here's some breaking news...LOL...not 15 minutes after I posted this post, part of the content showed up Over Here!!! LOL...that's the mark of a desperate person! I used another one that I had forgotten i was supposed to use...yea..that means you Paula! was a great and relaxing weekend. I gotten a lot of work done on my manuscript with the help of a very cool friend who has a daughter who loves broccoli!

Speaking of food...have you seen the bruhaha over the Rat Party at KFC/Taco Bell in New York City...Egads...I'll never eat fast food again!

Think before you speak...

Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak - the last one is great!
Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back...
or that you could crawl into a hole?

Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....


I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly,

"How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"

I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word...he knew better.


I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls and I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works a t the s tore. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said,

"I think I like playing with men's balls."


My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.

I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."

My sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.


While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished.

To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening,
"If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you
kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"

The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped
what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me,
were screams of laughter.


Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?

My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands

It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.
Then realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while. I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No".

I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"

"No," he replied.

I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse.
Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?"

This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled, "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"

While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had !


This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks.

What happens when you predict snow but don't get any! We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked:

"So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"

Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

Monday, February 26, 2007

Well, well, well, my FRIEND Paula has lain herself on the pyre of flaming keyboards, as the sacrificial goat of taggers the world over, in being brave enough (that's not really the word I'd use, but I'm being nice...weird...huh?) to tag!!!! Let's give her five things to remember...Mwhahaha!

1.)That I absolutely, unequivocally HATE to be tagged, and with maniacal glee will eviscerate any soul who deems themselves brave enough to try.

2.)That I would like to hotwire the keyboards of taggers to deliver electrical shocks every time they even think about passing on the dirty deed to some unexpecting soul.

3.)That I hope the Bird of Paradise will crap on the birthday cakes of the aforementioned taggers, and that the fleas of a thousand camels will come to rest in their....uh get the drift!

4.)That I am appalled that anyone in the free world could have missed this rant because I do it repeatedly!

5.)That this rant makes me feel absolutely FABULOUS and right now I'm doing the "Happy PeePee Dance"....thank you Paula!

Will I pass on the pain?....Not on your life....I tap you all with my your heels together three times and say, "There's no place safer than home!"

While I'm at it, I'd also want to extend my thanks to ALL of my wonderful friends who have brought so much JOY into my life by sending me e-mail chain letters and now...tagging me with the Blog equivalent of a chain letter. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.

Because of your concern...

1. I no longer can drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

2. I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

3. I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

4. I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

5. I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

6. I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

7. I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

8. I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our troops.

9. I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a stupid number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

10. I no longer eat prepackaged foods because the estrogens they contain will turn me gay.

11. I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

12. I no longer go to bars because someone will drug me and take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

13. Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an email to 7 of my friends and make a wish within 5 minutes.

14. I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who has been dying for the past seven years.

15. I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I will now return the favor.

If you don't send this post to at least 1200 people in the next 60 seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will fly over your head at 5:00pm and the fleas of a thousand camels will infest...., well, you get the picture.

I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of a friend of a friend's neighbor's cousin, and he's a lawyer.

Friday, February 23, 2007

Rest In Peace?? Who Are You?

Praise the Lord...I made it to Friday. Well the judge in the Anna Nicloe Smith debacle has decided to let the woman be buried with her son in the Bahamas. I think that is a good thing...She is gone, let it rest!

Ya'll enjoy your weekend. I feel grateful to get the break!

I swiped this from my homey girl, Debi Brand...enjoy!

A 45 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.

While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?"

God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color and brighten her teeth! Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.

After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 43 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"

God replied: "I didn't recognize you."

Thursday, February 22, 2007

To Puke..or Not To Puke

Wow...Thursday already! Just as I was searching for something funny to post. I got this email from my daughter Heather...My PREGNANT daughter, I might add! Wahoo!

This is another Simon and Sly saga...her two...still living...dogs. And this is real!

So....we came home from dinner the other night and as I tried to open our door it wouldn't swing all the way open. Perhaps that's because my freezer and fridge doors were wide open air conditioning my apartment.

And why were these doors open, you ask?

No, I wasn't trying to air condition my apartment. My sweet wonderful dogs (which I'll have you know are still alive today only because the ground is too frozen to bury them) had decided to help themselves to the contents of our fridge and freezer.

As I walked into our apartment I was greeted with the sight of my furry children gulping down MY food as fast as they could. Simon was under the coffee table eating shredded cheese (the plastic bag it was in was mysteriously never recovered from the scene) and Sly laying on MY bed surrounded by cottage cheese and holding in his freaking paws around a carton of light cream.

I had wondered about the white drops that marked a trail from the fridge to the bedroom. Oh, silly me. It's just a dairy product my dog felt like eating.

I did mention they're still alive, right? Isn't that worth a medal or something? Whatever!

Here comes the even better part of the story.

We let both dogs out for an extended period of time because puke and poop in my apartment really rubs me the wrong way. Just as we're about to go to bed, we hear it, yep. Son of a B! Sly unleashed upon my kitchen floor (yes, conveniently carpeted) the most copius amount of vomit I have ever witnessed. Are you kidding?! You were just outside for an hour!!!!!

The hubby and I banded together to clean up the mess. I think the dry-heaving made our marriage stronger. OK, everything is cleaned up, let's go to bed and get some rest-right? WRONG!!! Around 2am we were woke up by our dogs having a knock down, drag out fight. Why? Oh, you know, they were disagreeing over who got to eat the second round of vomit.

A positive note: we didn't have to clean that puke up.

So the moral of story? I don't know! Please God, fix my devil dogs!

ROFLOL...and my response to my daughter was..."You're puking, the dogs are puking, I know all that puking is making poor weak-stomached Bryan puke....the family that pukes together, stays together"...ROFLOL!

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

This week, the Christian Fiction Blog Alliance

is introducing

Wedgewood Grey

(Faith Words, February 2007) by John Aubrey Anderson.


John Aubrey Anderson

John was born five miles north of the setting for Abiding Darkness, a cotton country town within a rifle shot of two rivers, a bayou, a double handful of lakes, and endless acres of woods.

After graduating from Mississippi State, he flew six years in the Air Force then twenty-nine years for a major airline. And now he gets to write.

He and his wife have been married for forty some-odd years and live in Texas—about twenty miles south of the Red River. He spends the biggest part of his time writing; she’s immersed in leading a comprehensive, women’s Bible study.

They like greasy hamburgers and Dr. Peppers, most species of warm-blooded creatures (the kind that don’t normally bite), and spending July in the mountains.


Wedgewood Grey is the second book in the Black and White Chronicles. The first was Abiding Darkness (August, 2006).

Mississippi cotton country . . . in the spring of 1960.

The War At Cat Lake is fifteen years in the fading past . . . but the demonic beings who launched that first battle, are alive and well at Cat Lake. Waiting.
Late on a Friday night, on a muddy little road a mile east of Cat Lake, a ten-year-old black child is forced to watch while a gang of white men beat his mother to death. Aided by Mose Washington, an old black man, the boy exacts a measure of his own revenge. When the sun comes up on Saturday morning, Mose and the boy are fugitives.

Missy Parker Patterson, who as a child stood at the epicenter of the first war, is married and living in Texas. In the aftermath that follows Mose Washington’s disappearance, she goes back to Cat Lake to discover that the demonic beings have been anticipating her return . . . and so begins the second battle of The War At Cat Lake.

In 1962, an old black man and his grandson move into the country near Pilot Hill, Texas. The people in the local area are told that the old gentleman’s name is Mose Mann—his grandson introduces himself as Bill.

However, the lives of the new arrivals are not as peaceful as they seem. The unassuming old black man and his grandson are being pursued by a triad of formidable and unrelenting adversaries . . . a ruthless political leader, an enduring lie, and an invisible army allied beneath the banner of a hatred for God.

Wedgewood Grey is a story about the impact of choices that real people—people like you and me—are sometimes forced to make.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

McMissiles and...oh never mind!

Yes, it is Tuesday...all day!

Hey Go check out our CFBA store...right over there on the left...just click and away you go! But come back and read the jokes!

The news of the day that tripped my trigger has to do with our judicial system...I want to know what they are smoking. Check out this story about The McMissile Mom who was convicted by a Stafford County jury, and sentenced to two years in prison...for what you ask?

What heinous crime did this evil woman...who had her six-month pregnant sister with her. The woman was having early contractions by the way. And whose husband is on his third tour in Did she murder someone? Did she run someone down with her car? Did she rob a liquor store? Are you ready for this...she hurled a large MacDonald's cup of ice out her car window at someone who had cut her off in traffic...for the second time!

Granted bad behavior is not to be rewarded, but in the name of all that is holy...TWO YEARS IN PRISON...give me a break!

Here...have some jokes!

Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."

"Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay."
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.

On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.

On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap

The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.

Monday, February 19, 2007

The Sky Is Falling

Well all righty then! It's Monday morning. I check out the news, and lo and behold, there's an Asteroid Streaking Toward Earth!

Now granted it has a 1 in 45,000 chance of striking Earth on...April 13, 2036. So it's not enough yet to make me run, screaming into the streets that the sky is falling...which come to think of it it may! But by then I'll be 86 years old, and if I continue on the path that I have chosen...nothing will surprise me at that age :-)

Here's some cute jokes curtesy of my friend Ric

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."

So he tied her up and went golfing.


A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"

The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"

"Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out."
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.
A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First,
of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters:

'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'

"Can you read this?" the optician asked.

"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy"

Friday, February 16, 2007


Good Friday...Auh! The weekend is here!

I've got some exciting news, our Christian Fiction Blog Alliance Store is up and running. The product selection is still small but it will grow in the coming weeks. Stop by and visit!

I love this list of 50 Oxymorons! Enjoy the weekend

Act naturally
Found missing
Resident alien
Advanced BASIC
Genuine imitation
Airline Food
Good grief
Same difference
Almost exactly
Government organization
Sanitary landfill
Alone together
Legally drunk
Silent scream
British fashion
Living dead
Small crowd
Business ethics
Soft rock
Military Intelligence
Software documentation
New York culture
New classic
Sweet sorrow
"Now, then ..."
Synthetic natural gas
Christian Scientists
Passive aggression
Taped live
Clearly misunderstood
Peace force
Extinct Life
Temporary tax increase
Plastic glasses
Terribly pleased
Computer security
Political science
Tight slacks
Definite maybe
Pretty ugly
Twelve-ounce pound cake
Diet ice cream
Rap music
Working vacation
Exact estimate
Friendly Fire

And the Number one top OXY-Moron,

1. Microsoft Works

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Things That I Have Learned

Hey we made it to Thursday. i had a fabulous day yesterday...I stayed home and enjoyed the snow....16 cool is that!

Hey I finally got the CFBA Store on line...there will be a logo link for it soon! *snort* as soon as Mimi finishes designing it! Stop by and check it out! Click on all the catagories, some have subcatagories!

(The woodpecker might have to go!)

Everything I need to know about life, I learned from Noah's Ark!

One: Don't miss the boat.
Two: Remember that we are all in the same boat.
Three: Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark.
Four: Stay fit. When you're 600 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big!
Five: Don't listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done.
Six: Build your future on high ground.
Seven: For safety's sake, travel in pairs.
Eight: Speed isn't always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs.
Nine: When you're stressed, float a while.
Ten: Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals.
Eleven: No matter the storm, when you are with God, there's always a rainbow waiting....

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Christian Writers' Market Guide

This week, the Christian Fiction Blog Alliance

is introducing

Christian Writer's Market Guide

Sally Stuart
WaterBrook Press; Pap/CDR edition (January 16, 2007)


Sally E. Stuart is the author of thirty-four books and has sold more than one thousand articles and columns. Her long-term involvement with the Christian Writers' Market Guide as well as her marketing columns for the Christian Communicator, Oregon Christian Writers, and The Advanced Christian Writer, make her a sought-after speaker and a leading authority on Christian markets and the business of writing. Stuart is the mother of three and grandmother of eight.


For more than twenty years, the Christian Writers’ Market Guide has offered indispensable help to Christian writers. This year, for the first time, this valuable resource comes with a CD-ROM of the full text, so you can search with ease for topics, publishers, and other specific names.

The 2007 edition also includes up-to-date listings of more than 1,200 markets for books, articles, stories, poetry, and greeting cards, including information on forty new book publishers, eighty-three new periodicals, and thirty-four new literary agents. Perfect for writers in every phase, this is the resource to get noticed–and get published.

It contains listings for: 695 periodicals, 228 poetry markets, 355 book publishers, 133 online publications, 29 print-on-demand publishers, 1185 markets for the written word, 321 photography markets, 31 e-book publishers, 122 foriegn markets, 112 literary agents,and 59 newspapers.

It also gives you comprehensive lists of contests, writers groups and conferences, search engines, pay rates and submission guidelines, editorial services and websites.

Christian Writers’ Market Guide is a "must have' for any serious Christian writer that is looking to get published!

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

The Real Restroom Story

Good Tuesday. I wait with breathless anticipation for the snow! Now our weather persons are saying 18 to 24 inches...if they aren't right I'm going to make their pants legs different lenghts! (I'm seamstress for 3 of our local weather persons!

No news to speak of that tripped my trigger, but last night's episode of 24 was rather good! Love that Jack Bauer!

This did not happen to me, but the more I think about it, it may have and I've blocked the images from my cerebral cortex in an effort to avoid years of intensive therapy!

Only a woman will TRULY relate to the following, but it's a "hoot" for all!

My mother was a fanatic about public bathrooms. When I was a little girl, she'd take me into the stall! , teach me to wad up toilet paper and wipe the seat. Then, she'd carefully lay strips of toilet paper to cover the seat. Finally, she'd instruct, "Never, NEVER sit on a public toilet seat.

Then she'd demonstrate "The Stance," which consisted of balancing over the toilet in a sitting position without actually letting any of your flesh make contact with the toilet seat.. By this time, I'd have wet down my leg and we'd have to go home to change my clothes.

That was a long time ago.

Even now, in my more "mature years", "The Stance" is excruciatingly difficult to maintain, especially when one's bladder is full. When you have to "go" in a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women that makes you think there's a half-price sale on Nelly's underwear in there.

So, you wait and smile politely at all the other ladies, who are also crossing their legs and smiling politely. You get closer and check for feet under the stall doors. Every one is occupied.

Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall. You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter. The dispenser for the new fangled "seat covers" (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook if there was one - but there isn't - so you carefully but quickly hang it around your neck (mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume "The Stance."

Ahhhh, relief. More relief. But then your thighs begin to shake. You'd love to sit down but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance" as your thighs experience a quake that would register an eight on the Richter scale.

To take your mind off of your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you would have tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!"

Your thighs shake more. You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It is still smaller than your thumbnail.

Someone pushes open your stall door because the latch doesn't work. The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet. "Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle, and sliding down, directly onto the insidious toilet seat.

You bolt up quickly, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try. You know that your mother would be utterly ashamed of you if she knew, because you're certain that her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, "You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get."

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, sending up a stream of water akin to a fountain that suddenly sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged off to China.

At that point, you give up. You're soaked by the splashing water. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket, then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks. You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past a line of women, still waiting, cross-legged and, at this point, no longer able to smile politely.

One kind soul at the very end of the line points out that you are trailing a piece of toilet paper on your shoe as long as the Mississippi River! (Where was it when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need this."

As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has since entered, used and exited the men's restroom and read a copy of War and Peace while waiting for you. Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?"

This is dedicated to women everywhere who have ever had to deal with a public restroom. It finally explains to the men what really takes us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked question about why women go to the restroom in pairs.

It's so the other woman can hold the door and hand you Kleenex under the door!

Monday, February 12, 2007

Death...and Taxes

Good Monday! I know you don't want to hear about snow, especially if you live up the road from me, in Oswego! Ha...they got 136 inches....136 inches of snow! The best part is the old timers are not phased, it's like, "Psst, so what?"

Well we're expecting a snow storm here Tuesday thru Wednesday. Wahoo...I'm doin' the peepee dance *snort*. My dear hubs is out revvin' up the snowblower! Stay tuned!

Despite efforts by doctors, rescue workers and other medical professionals worldwide, the global death rate remains constant at 100 percent. This metabolic affliction causes total shutdown of all life functions and represents humanity's number one health concern.

Plus, death:
...Is responsible for 100 percent of all recorded fatalities worldwide
...Has no cure
...Affects both the dead and the non-dead
...It is beginning to seem possible that birth, and the subsequent life cycle that follows, may be a serious safety risk for all involved.

This just goes to show that there is a hierarchy in marriages in the animal kingdom *snort*.

And this picture below...the only thing I can think of, is that doing that is as stupid as wetting body parts and touching them to frozen things outside.

And my personal favorite prayer...LOL!

Oh, and there wasn't nothing about taxes in this post...LOL...I just liked it as a title. Maybe because mine are already done...and gone!

Friday, February 09, 2007

The Bathtub Test

Well we made it to friends over west (100 miles away) are currently underneath, and I do mean underneath, almost 100 inches of snow...yes one hundred! Hello to anyone from Oswego

Then there's the untimely death of Anna Nicole Smith. After her son Daniel dying, you could see that the light had gone out in her eyes. How tragic!

Here's something light!

It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started. During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug.

Do you want a bed near the window?"


Thursday, February 08, 2007

Three Little Pigs

Hey...Happy Thursday...*snort* the snow has continued to elude us here. Up north in Buffalo, they got 48 inches yesterday...*snort**sniffle* I coulda' stayed home! Oh well, such is life!

A new twist to an ole rhyme...

Three Little Pigs

went out to dinner one night. The waiter came and took their drink order.

"I would like a Sprite," said the first little piggy.

"I would like a Coke," said the second little piggy.

"I want beer, lots and lots of beer," said the third little piggy.

The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner.

"I want a nice big steak," said the first piggy.

"I would like the salad plate," said the second piggy.

"I want beer, lots and lots of beer," said the third little piggy.

The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.

"I want a banana split," said the first piggy.

"I want a cheesecake," said the second piggy.

"I want beer, lots and lots of beer," exclaimed the third little piggy.

"Pardon me for asking," said the waiter to the third little piggy," But why have you only ordered beer all evening?"

You're gonna LOVE me for this....

The third piggy says -

"Well, somebody has to go, "Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!"

And then...I thought this was funny!

Wednesday, February 07, 2007


by Bonnie Calhoun

And now for a Metamucil moment:

Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are.

You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape.

If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40.

If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

Also, remember everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.

If you shop anywhere but Wal-Mart(that reminds me of a story), you are just showing off!

And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan.

This week, the Christian Fiction Blog Alliance is introducting The Longing Season (Bethany House July, 2006) by Christine Schaub.


Christine Schaub is the author of the MUSIC OF THE HEART series, including Finding Anna, the “rest of the story” behind the writing of the hymn “It Is Well With My Soul” (October 2005) and The Longing Season, the story behind “Amazing Grace” (July 2006) with Bethany House Publishers, a division of Baker Books.

In 2003, Christine won the “On the Page” screenwriting contest at Screenwriting Expo 2 in Los Angeles. Her one-page story, written on-site in 24 hours for Jacqueline Bisset, was selected by the actress as the best Oscar Wilde-type comedy for her persona.

While working in freelance corporate communications, Christine completed three feature-length screenplays, including a drama/comedy, romantic comedy, and sci-fi action/drama; developed four biopic teleplays for the stories behind the hymns; and published an online column for the MethodX website (Upper Room Ministries).

Christine honed her writing skills after more than 15 years in corporate communications for healthcare, pharmaceutical, and entertainment companies. She has also been a featured conference speaker on working with at-risk youth and changed lives in the classrooms with her creative presentation style.

Christine's love for the arts and creativity have taken her from church platforms to civic and professional stages, performing classics and dramas from her own pen.

Christine graduated from Anderson University with a bachelor’s degree in Mass Communications. She has served on numerous boards and committees, usually as Communications Chair, and has received both regional and national awards in writing and design.


All of the books in the MUSIC OF THE HEART series are based on a hymns and their histories. The Longing Season is about one of the greatest redemption stories of all time: John Newton and his song, Amazing Grace.

Nature conspires against him, tossing the ship like a toy. Directionless--just like his life.
It seems his odyssey will end here, in the cold Atlantic.
Grief and terror grip his heart, but he will not surrender...not yet.
She reads the sentence again and again.
The first day I saw you I began to love you.
He'd written the words, sealed and posted them, then vanished.

She has a choice--turn toward the future, or wait, wating and hoping.

And so begins her season of longing.

Christine's website link is:

The book link is:

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

And That Will Hold Ya!

Hey, happy Tuesday! I got my blog all changed over to a New Blogger template! You can see the designer of this basic template at the bottom. I left his tag in the footer, because he just does awesome work and I wanted him to get the credit he deserves!

A little side story...if you go HERE and look at the first picture, that is the Yelverton house in the fair town of Conklin where I have my shop. These are pictures of the June 2006 flood. It was a very rude awakening for them because they were at their house in Florida when it happened, and had to rush home.

It took Helene and Bill almost a quarter million dollars to get their house and the dance studio back in shape. They decided to take a long winter break at their Florida home, and stay there until spring. They just happened to come home last Thrusday because Bill had to attend a school board meeting.

That's right!!! You guessed it. While they were back here at home, the tornado in Florida, on Friday, got their house!

NOTE TO SELF: Don't move anywhere near Helene!

I'm sorry for any irreverance that anyone feels about this joke below, but I couldn't resist!

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway in Nevada when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye...It reads:


He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on without second thought. Soon he sees another sign which reads:


Suddenly he begins to realize that these signs are for real and drives past a third sign saying:


His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to the door reading:


He climbs the steps and rings the bell.

The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, "What may we do for you my son?"

He answers, "I saw your signs along the highway and was interested in possibly doing business..."

"Very well my son. Please follow me." He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man, "Please knock on this door."

He does so and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup answers the door. This nun instructs him, "Please place $100 in the cup then go through the large wooden door at the end of the hallway."

He puts $100 in the cup, eagerly trots down the hall and slips through the door pulling it shut behind him. The door locks, and he finds himself back in the parking lot facing another sign:


Monday, February 05, 2007


I am going to start changing over my template to its new Blogger counterpart. So things may look strange for a while. Bear with me...I'm actually competent at this!


UDATE: 11:44PM changeover complete!

Men Do Remember Anniversaries

Good Monday morning! We actually got enough snow this weekend for my dear hubs to get to use his precious snowblower...for the first time this season...LOL...he's the same way about his tractor and mowing in the summer...the neighbors call him mower man...we have five acres of LAWN!

Anyhow, I gotta' tell you that I'm lovin' New Blogger! I LOVE WIDGETS!!! Love, love, love them little buggers! I finally got the New Blogger version of this template up and running, I'll go live with it tonight. Hopefully, you won't notice the difference except there will be a new footer at the bottom dedicated to the awesome Thur of The Blogger Workshop

Here's a funny that almost made me pee my pants!

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him.

He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wiped a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room,"Why are you down here at this time of night?"

The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly.

The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes I do," she replies.

The husband paused. The words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?"

"Yes, I remember," said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continued. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my
face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'"

"I remember that too" she replied softly.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said..."I would have gotten out today."

Friday, February 02, 2007

Why, Why, Why

Praise the Lord, I made it to Friday....Wahoo! Hey it may snow here today! Notice i said 'may', I've just about given up on getting a good old fashioned snow storm! *sigh*

Here, have a funny! I can see myslef in most all of them! :-)

These are things that make you go
HUMMMMMM, So enjoy!

Why, Why, Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough money?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that some thing new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the
vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

And my FAVORITE......

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends - - if
they're okay, then it's you. ROFLOL

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Too Much Time On Your Hands

Good Thursday. This week seems like a blur...Ackkk! New Blogger finally caught up to me! *snort* I had to take the plunge....but I must say, so far so good. no complaints from me yet, and multiple things that I like:

I like that when I get an email of a comment, it tells me which post the comment is on...that used to drive me nuts, trying to figure out where someone commented!

I also like the subject labels that you can put on posts. I also like that when you view posts from the 'edit post' page, it gives you the post on your blog with the post address at the top!

So that's it for my love fest with new far...LOL...remember there's a very fine line between love and hate!

Here's a cute one for ya'!

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.

Well, for example, the other day I went downtown and went into a shop. I was in there about 5 minutes and when I came out there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.

I went up to him and said, "Come on man, how about giving a retired person a break?"

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket.

I called him a "Nazi."

He glared at me and started writing another ticket for worn tires.

So I called him a "doughnut eating Gestapo."

He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

Personally, I didn't care. I came downtown on the bus and the car that he was putting the tickets on had a bumper sticker that said, "Hillary in '08."

I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. Its important to my health...

It is February 1st, time for the FIRST Day Blog Tour! (Join our alliance! Click the button!) The FIRST day of every month we will feature an author and their latest book's FIRST chapter!

This month's feature author is:

John Aubrey Anderson

and his book:

Abiding Darkness


John was born five miles north of the setting for Abiding Darkness, a cotton country town within a rifle shot of two rivers, a bayou, a double handful of lakes, and endless acres of woods.

After graduating from Mississippi State, he flew six years in the Air Force then twenty-nine years for a major airline. And now he gets to write.

He and his wife have been married for forty some-odd years and live in Texas—about twenty miles south of the Red River. He spends the biggest part of his time writing; she’s immersed in leading a comprehensive, women’s Bible study.

They like greasy hamburgers and Dr. Peppers, most species of warm-blooded creatures (the kind that don’t normally bite), and spending July in the mountains.


Abiding Darkness is the first book in the Black and White Chronicles.

It initially anchors itself in the relationship between two children.

Junior Washington is an eleven-year-old black child. He lives in a small cabin out on Cat Lake; his parents work for the Parker family. He’s loyal, he’s compliant beyond what would normally be expected of an eleven-year-old boy, and he’s a committed Christian.

Missy Parker, who lives on the other side of the lake, is the crown princess of the Parker family. At seven years of age she’s beautiful, wealthy, willful, and tough as a tractor tire. And—in the midst of the most defined segregation in our nation’s recent history—this little white girl and Junior Washington are best friends.

Only one thing stands between these two children and a storybook childhood . . . they are destined to encounter a faithful servant of the Author of Evil.

Abiding Darkness starts almost gently. The first sentence offers doubt, but readers may not see any real trouble surface until a few sentences later, and that’s mostly kid stuff, almost cute. From there through the second chapter readers are given a little more to think about . . . an opportunity to imagine what might happen to the children . . . especially the girl.

By the end of the second chapter intuitive readers will be taking a deep breath . . . they’re going to need the oxygen.


Summers were mostly reliable.

They always followed spring. They always got hot. And they always promised twelve weeks of pleasure to the three children at Cat Lake.

The summer of ’45 lied.

The whole thing started right there by the Cat Lake bridge.

To read the rest of the chapter, go HERE