Thursday, December 29, 2005


My dear sweet friend Andrea of "Adventures of an Ordinary Christian" fame has asked me some questions.

And the answers are(cue the drum roll if you please) yes, yes, so-so, some make my head split open, yea-but they turn me down. LOL Didn't make much sense, did it? Something got lost in the translation! goes!

This dear woman has somehow got it in her head that I actually know what I'm doing here. Now if that isn't the blind leading the blind, I don't know what is. Andrea's writing is so much more prolific than mine. And I take her to be hysterically funny at times. I judge funny by how many times someone makes me shoot coffee out my nose, all over my keyboard.

But she's like a little energizer bunny....she just keeps going and going. She listed her schedule one day that involved a good twenty-five things to do including ferrying children to assorted activities.

Shoot...they'd of put me in jail for forgetting my children at the drive up window at Micky D's. (I only shoved the littlest one thru that stupid little window once.) And it was only because I couldn't get the attention of the bouncy little cheerleader type who didn't put ketchup packets in the bag with the hamburgers, that were supposed to be cheeseburgers!

Andrea also does lunches....imagine that...she actually admitted that she almost counted the neigbor kid in her lunch count. The best part of this was that she's doing a lunch count at six o'clock in the morning. Now that's a June Cleaver moment.....God bless her little heart. At six AM, I'm just rolling over, and it ain't to get out of the bed!

She's got the patience of Job and the stamina of Rocky Balboa and she's asking me questions....I'm humbled!

Okay, here's the questions: Am I good at editing writing? that I'd say yes.

It's always easier when it's not your own. Although I can't write a synopsis to save my life. I have one that ran throught the Crap-o-meter over at Miss Snark's I'm #14. I turned an approximately 4000 word synopsis into 1000 words and messed it up royally. Oh well, live and learn. And I am learning a lot from all the other synopsis' that she's critiquing. There will be approximately 106 when all is said and done.

Now that's another woman that has stamina!

Am I good at grammar and punctuation....yes, 'cause I've got the books...Elements of Style by Strunk and White, Chicago Manual of Style by Univ. of Chicago Press, and the Little Style Guide by Goss. Hey, you don't think I'm that smart on my own, do ya'?

Does certain types of writing styles or lack of, bother you. Well...let's see...If I don't feel like poking myself in the eye with a sharp stick after I read it, or my head doesn't spin around, split open and I don't spew pea soup all over the place after I read it, then I guess it's okay.....No seriously, I like to read action, adventure, thriller, and mystery type stuff.

But my friend M.C. Pearson has written a delightful YA fantasy tale that I've read all the way through and I just love it. And a very dear new friend M.G. Tarquini has a fabulously funny (I mean coffee shooting out the nose, pee your pants funny)story that she's still working on called Hindsight. I don't know how she'd catagorize it, maybe Chick Lit (forgive me M.G. if it isn't...I'll print a retraction!)

And last but not least. Do I write letters to the Editor? I used to until they threatened to have me arrested. No...just kidding! I used to...not get arrested, I mean....well there was that one time...

See my father was a police officer...which in itself should have been my signal for doom but...One day, in my early twenties I went to my parent's house to do my laundry. I happened to look out the porch window and in the alley behind my parents house, three gorilla sized truck-driver types were pushing around my 98 pound weakling foster brother(I found out later he was frolicking with one of the truckers women!)

I yelled for my Mom to call my Dad (who was on duty) meanwhile I unscrewed the handle from Mom's industrial strength pushbroom and ran down the back stairs. Now, in was about the stupidest..well almost stupidest...thing I could have done.(Fools rush in where angels fear to tread, comes to mind!)

I came out the back door swinging, and as long as I kept the big, long stick moving they couldn't get at me. The whole thing only lasted about a minute and a half, because when the call went out that Jonesy's wife needed help, three police cars, including my father converged on the alley.

One of the guys got a dislocated jaw, one had a busted nose and the other one had a big goose egg on his head. They wanted me arrested for assualt (forgetting that they were beating my puny foster-brother to a pulp when I showed up) My father readily agreed with them, but he told them that first he was calling up the Times to come and take a picture of me and my broom handle. Then he was going to put me and them on the front page of the morning paper (I only weighed about 120 Lbs at the time),saying I had been arrested for beating them up.....They changed their no, I haven't been arrested and I don't write letters to the Editor...I Blog!


  1. David Meigs said...
    Bonnie, you crack me up. I’ve done the nose thing with several beverages, but never pea soup.

    BTW, I thought I was original when I wrote a coffee through the nose scene in my first book. The truth is, I wrote from experience.

    I was playing host to several dignitaries from all over the world. Naturally, we were drinking tea and someone said something funny. I wasn’t pea soup, but it was embarrassing.

    God bless you sis.
    Bernita said...
    Illustrates perfectly why we love you, Bonnie.
    Makes me want to cheer.
    Very loud.
    Apparently the apple didn't fall far from the tree either.
    Bernita said...
    Yanno (TM Miss Snark) Bonnie, been thinking about synopses...Have we been thinking about anything else, besides Xmas lately?
    Perhaps the thing is, you've been focusing on describing your rip-roaring great plot and not enough on how the conflict developes your main character.
    Seems the YA effect ( coming of age) has been applied more stringently to adult popular fiction these days, we must describe/indicate how the events affect the psychological development of the characters.
    I have been doing the same thing as you have, focusing on plot and not on character, so this is an idea from the halt and blind.
    Stephen Newton said...
    Merry Christmas, Bonnie. Yes, we did see lots of snow on the ground and even some flurries at Rocky's, but no real snow falling from the sky. It was enough for me. I liked your post. Have you thought about writing your own life sounds from this recent post that it was colorful to say the least.
    Denise McDonald said...
    Wonderful story and story teller - I may have to use that - of course altered to protect the innocent - in a book - sounds like a great line for the hero! hmm. . .
    An Ordinary Christian said...
    First, I fixed my email so that it "shows," according to my profile I just edited.
    Second, Just so that I don't get undo credit, I actually don't do hardly any lunches for kids as in June C. taking out the whole wheat bread, wrapping the sandwich lovingly in wax paper (wasn't that the trend then? Did they have Saran Wrap then? What is the history of Sarah Wrap? I like that new press wrap stuff from Glad. You could do a blog on that. That would be fascinating.) I was at the grocery store at 6 AM after my bike spin class purchasing "Lunchables" which are food products that kids seem to love, that are ridiculously expensive for what you get and have minimal nutritional value.
    Third, I thought that you might like editing, and understand the rules of grammar. In which case you are somebody that I should hold in very high esteem. I humbly bow before you in respect.
    Fourth, I am frankly so excited that you wrote about me in your blog. I could say that I am humbled, but I'm not sure that I am. Honored? well, yes, I most definately am. But frankly, being the type of person who loves any kind of free press, compliments and praise, I'll revel and bask in this experience for many a day and elevate the experience, in my mind and maybe on my resume. How does this sound, "Her blog is well-noted, esteemed and tracked by astute bloggers....bla, bla, bla." (No, I don't have my blogsite on my resume! How could I then say what I want freely?) Bonnie, you're fun. My verse for the moment: "Nobody should think of themselves more highly than they ought, but to think of themselves with sober judgment," (Can't recall book, chapter or verse, but you are welcomed to fill me in.) Thanks, Bonnie. Today will be a good day.
    Bonnie S. Calhoun said...'s really a gross thing to do! At the the piece of ham didn't come out that way!

    Bernita, you are absolutely right! I have literally learned tons from this exercise. I'd pay her for the time she's put in, if I knew who she was!

    Stephen, yea, right...they'd think it was a work of fiction. but I might post some of the highlights here...never thought about it!


    "Anything but Ordinary" are such a hoot spin 6 gotta love her folks!
    Mindy Tarquini said...
    Oh Bonnie! You've no idea how good it makes a humorist feel that somebody thinks she's funny! Seriously. Blowing coffee through nose/peeing pants is what I'm going for in HINDSIGHT.

    I'm not classifying it as Chick Lit because the protag is too old (she's 32) and the story has a little more going on than a lot of Chick Lit. I'm calling it Women's contemporary humor. I figure the men will want to read it when they hear their wives laughing out loud.

    Thanks bonnie, you made my day, which is still largely dominated by coughing, snot and codeine. Got a chest x-ray. Lungs are clear, so now it's just me and the virus, duking it out for top billing.
    Unknown said...
    Brandy said...
    Found your site by clicking the 'next blog' button. Who Knew? I appreciate your frankness and sense of humor and I enjoy your blog immensley. Thanks!
    Frank Wilson said...
    Hi Bonnie,
    I notice we have something in common: Our fathers were police officers. Some years ago, I introduced poet Geoffrey Hill at the 92d St. Y in Manhattan. He was a dour sort of fellow at first, but when I told him that my father, like his, had been a policeman, he changed entirely and we began swapping tales. At one point he looked up and said, "It really is a brohterhood, isn't it?" A sisterhood, too.
    WannabeMe said...
    Hi, Bonnie!

    M.G. Tarquini asked me to stop by. I'm a fellow writer and Bunion (and proud to admit it). I'm also a christian with a chinese leash. That means I read my bible and pray, but I also give great respect to the studies of Feng Shui and celebrate halloween twice a year!

    Anyway, nice to meet you!

    Bonnie S. Calhoun said...
    Nice to meet you Dana, ya'll come back now, hear!

    I've seen some pretty interesting theories to the concept of Feng Shui...At least I know a guy named Maury who was a victim of it. He got the point...teheh...LOL

    Twice a year, geez Louise...I'd think once would be enough. Did you not get it right the first time! (If at first you don't succeed, try, try again)

    I hope the humor translates to chinese or I'm about to be julienned!
    Mindy Tarquini said...
    One of our Bunion mottos is:

    The Bunions - like the United Nations, only funnier.

    We've got one weird crew of people over there. Bunch of talented writers, also.
    M. C. Pearson said...
    Well thank you sweet Bonnie-O! I love you! What a neat thing to say. I'm all gushy inside.

    I'll go check out your Crap-o-meter thingy next.

    No matter what she says, I love your story!
    WannabeMe said...
    How can one be a victim of Feng Shui? You must post on that some day!

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