by Bonnie Calhoun


A man walks into a bar with a paper bag. He sits down and places the bag on the
counter. The bartender walks up and asks what's in the bag.

The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, about one foot high and sets him on the counter. He reaches back into the bag and pulls out a small piano, setting it on the counter as well. He reaches into the bag once again and pulls out a tiny piano bench, which he places in front of the piano.

The little man sits down at the piano, and starts playing a beautiful piece by Mozart!

'Where on earth did you get that?' says the bartender.

The man responds by reaching into the paper bag. This time he pulls out a magic lamp.

He hands it to the bartender and says: 'Here. Rub it.'

So the bartender ru bs the lamp, and suddenly there's a gust of smoke and a beautiful genie is standing before him. 'I will grant you one wish.

Just one wish...each person is only allowed one! The bartender gets real excited. Without hesitating he says, 'I want a million bucks!'

A few moments later, a duck walks into the bar. It is soon followed by another duck, then another. Pretty soon, the entire bar is filled with ducks and they keep coming!

The bartender turns to the man and says, 'Y'know, I think your genie's a little deaf. I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks.'

'No crap!!' says the man, 'do you really think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?'

This week, the

Christian Fiction Blog Alliance

is introducing

LIFE, LIBBY, AND THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS

(Harvest House Publishers March 1, 2007)

by

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Hope Lyda has always wanted to write. Ever since she was a young tyke with a spiral notebook in hand, she had the urge to fill it. Sadly, Peggy Meets the Midgets did not cause Hope to be deemed a child prodigy, so she continued her path of education. She was grade-obsessed but also truly enjoyed sharing laughs with her circle of creative friends.

Hope attended the University of Oregon and graduated with a double major in Journalism: Advertising and Telecommunications and Film. With aspirations to write screenplays or teleplays, she of course ended up doing public relations for non-profits until she entered the publishing field in which she has worked for 10 years.

Her passions are quiet ones—she loves a good read, an afternoon of free thinking time, writing, journaling, road trips, travel, and pondering life from her back yard pergola. She loiters in bookstores frequently, though has never been arrested for such. Her big hope is to encourage others to embrace their dreams and understand their faith journeys through the practice of journaling and the art of creative living. She hopes to also inspire such things through the themes in her fiction including Hip to Be Square and Altar Call. (There are also visions of a nice Casita with a hammock in Mexico—but one thing at a time.)

When not living in her head, she resides with her husband, Marc, in the Pacific Northwest.

ABOUT THE BOOK:

Libby Hawthorne makes exotic trip itineraries but never leaves Seattle. She’d like to attend church but winds up at a bookstore. She longs for love—but who has the time? Delayed happiness has been worth it, because she’s about to get her dream promotion...

Or not.

So now what?

When a corporate merger leaves her demoted and disillusioned, Libby realizes she needs to start living authentically...and soon. But just as she tries to uncover her purposed life, her cruel and unusual boss, Cecilia, demands that Libby hide Seattle’s most famous homegrown rock star in order to keep her new, bad job. For the first time in years, Libby doesn’t have a step by step plan to guide her. She must trust her faith and her heart. But what is she supposed to do with her growing admiration for Blaine Slater, a new VP from Chicago, or the surprising kindness of the rock star living incognito in her Seattle apartment? Through the humorous twist and turns, Libby uncovers a big life truth—the detours we are afraid of might just be the perfect path to happiness.

by Bonnie Calhoun

"Time is passing, yet for the United States of
America, there will be no forgetting September 11th. We will remember every rescuer who died in honor. We will remember every family who lives in grief. We will remember the fire and ash, the last phone calls, the funerals of the children."

-President George W Bush, November 11th, 2001

You can go HERE to view a list of the names of the souls that were lost that day.

by Bonnie Calhoun

The thanks for this funny goes to my buddy Ric. He and his brother are a prolific source of entertainment *snort*!!

A Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf.....

Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.

The husband cringed, "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us."

So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm voice said, "Come on in." When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the broken window.

A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke my window?"

"Uh...yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that," the husband replied.

"Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. You see, I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for myself."

"Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life."

"No problem," said the genie. "You've got it, it's the least I can do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!"

"And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the Genie asked.

"I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world," teh wife said.

"Consider it done," the genie said. "And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!"

"And now," the couple asked in unison, "what's your wish, genie?"

"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to make mad passionate love to your wife."

The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?"

She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?"

"You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband. "I'd do the same for you!"

So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other.

The genie was insatiable. After about three hours non-stop, the Genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, "How old are you and your Husband?"

"Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly.

"No Kidding." He said, "Thirty-five years old and both of you still believe in genies?"

by Bonnie Calhoun



TGIF...wahooo, the weekend is here! The thanks for this little cutie goes to my buddy Ric

A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends. Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They discovered that they both brought chicken sandwiches every day!

This went on all through the fourth and fifth grades, until one day he noticed that her sandwich wasn't a chicken sandwich.

He said, "Hey, how come you're not eating chicken, don't you like it anymore?"

She said "I love it but I have to stop eating it."

"Why?" he asked.

She pointed to her lap and said "Cause I'm starting to grow little feathers down there!"

"Let me see" he said.

"Okay" and she pulled up her skirt.

He looked and said, "That's right. You are! Better not eat any more chicken."

He kept eating his chicken sandwiches until one day he brought peanut butter. He said to the little girl, "I have to stop eating chicken sandwiches, I'm starting to get feathers down there too!"

She asked if she could look, so he pulled down his pants for her!

She said, "Oh My God! It's too late for you!! You've already got the neck and gizzards!!!"

by Bonnie Calhoun

A preacher, a priest and a rabbi when fishing on a lake one day, but the fish weren't biting.

The preacher said, "I can't take anymore of this. I'm going to go fix up the fire."

Having said this he stepped out of th boat and walked on the water to the shore.

Shortly afterwards the priest said he was also tired of sitting there and not getting even the least suggestion of a bite on his line.

He got up, walked on the water to shore and joined the preacher.

Now the rabbi watched all this in amazement, but then reasoned, "If they can do it so can I."

Convincing himself that nothing made these other men special so he should also be able to walk on the water he stepped out of the boat and immediately splashed about as he sank in the water.

The priest turned to the preacher and said, "You think we should tell him where the stones are?"

**********

A Christian college student came to a point of indecision regarding what he thought was preparation for the ministry. More and more he just didn't feel like that's what God wanted him to do, but he didn't want to step out of God's will.

So taking out his Bible he flipped it open and stuck his finger randomly on the page and read, what he was hoping, was the will of the Lord.

The verse said, "And Judas went out and hung himself."

The student thought that's not right. There's no way that would be God's will for him, so he tried it again, this time picking a different page, a different spot on the page and read these words, "Go thou and do likewise."

**********

A missionary to Africa was asked about his call and replied that God had called him vocally. What he didn't know all these years was that while he was in the chapel praying for God's will, one of his buddies was in the vent overhead and began calling out loudly, "Africa!" This really happened!!!

***********

An elderly Catholic woman entered the church to pray.

She lit a candle and knelt before the image of Mary. Soon a gently voice filled the sanctuary, "Yes my daughter. What is it you want?"

Silence.

The woman didn't respond at all.

Again the voice pleaded with her to tell her what it was she wanted and again she remained silent.

A third time the voice called out to her and she shouted back, "Will you'a shudda up. I'm a talking to your Mama!"


**********

And of course the best joke of the day is looking in the mirror and realizing that God loved me. He must be either crazy or know something about me that I don't know!



More 3-D street art by Julian Beever!

This week, the

Christian Fiction Blog Alliance

is introducing

Sushi for One?

(Zondervan, September 1, 2007)

by

CAMY TANG

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Camy Tang is a member of CFBA and is a loud Asian chick who writes loud Asian chick-lit. She grew up in Hawaii, but now lives in San Jose, California, with her engineer husband and rambunctious poi-dog. In a previous life she was a biologist researcher, but these days she is surgically attached to her computer, writing full-time. In her spare time, she is a staff worker for her church youth group, and she leads one of the worship teams for Sunday service.

Sushi for One? (Sushi Series, Book One is her first novel. Her second, Only Uni (Sushi Series, Book Two) comes out in February 2008!

To celebrate the launch of her debut novel, she's got a huge contest going on. Camy is giving away baskets of Christian novels and an iPod Nano! Only her newsletter YahooGroup subscribers are eligible to enter, so join today.

For more information about the contest, visit her website.

Contest ends October 31, 2007!

ABOUT THE BOOK:

Lex Sakai’s family, big, nosy, and marriage-minded, is ruled by a crafty grandmother. When her cousin Mariko gets married, Lex will become the OLDEST SINGLE COUSIN in the clan, a loathed position by all single female family members.

Lex has not dated for years.

Grandma homes in on this fact and demands, bribes, and threatens Lex to bring a boyfriend (not just a date) to her cousin’s wedding.

Lex does not want to date ... not since that terrible incident a few years back ... but, Grandma doesn't give her that choice.

Lex's options are slim because she has used her Bible study class on Ephesians to compile a huge list of traits for the PERFECT man (and the more she dates, the more she adds to the list).

The one man she keeps running into (and is completely attracted to) doesn’t seem to have a single quality on her list. It’s only when the always-in-control Lex loses control and lets God take over that all the pieces of this hilarious romance finally fall into place.

by Bonnie Calhoun

I want to show you some very cool sidewalk art.

Julian Beever is an English artist who's famous for his art on the pavement of England, France, Germany, USA, Australia and Belgium .

Beever gives to his drawings an amazing 3D illusion. At the bottom of the post I show you how he accomplished this one...Notice he's standing on the top of the world with a golf club!


I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Harold, the computer guy, to come over. Harold clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. He gave me a bill for a minimum service call.

As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was wrong?"

He replied, "It was an ID ten T error."

I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, "An ID ten T error? What's that .. in case I need to fix it again?"

Harold grinned.... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"

"No," I replied.

"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."

So I wrote down. I D 1 0 T

....IDIOT....

I used to like Harold.




This is a side shot to show you how the 3-D sidewalk painting of the earth was accomplished

by Bonnie Calhoun

Here's some Monday morning funnies: Thanks Ric for your contribution!

Yesterday I went to the doctor for my yearly physical. My blood pressure was high, my cholesterol was high, I'd gained some weight, and I didn't feel so hot.

My doctor said eating right doesn't have to be complicated and it would solve my physical problems. He said just think in colors -- fill your plate with bright colors... greens, yellows, reds, etc.

I went right home and ate an entire bowl of M & M's and sure enough, I felt better immediately. I never knew eating right could be so easy.

* * * * *

There were two twins, Joe and John.

Joe was the owner of a old dilapidated boat.

It just so happened that John's wife died the same day Joe's boat sank.

A few days later a kindly old woman saw Joe, and mistaking him for John. Said "I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must feel terrible"

Joe, thinking she was talking about his boat, said "Fact is, I'm sort of glad to get rid of her. She was a rotten old thing from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like an old dead fish. She was always losing her water, she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front, too. Every time I used her the hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finished her off was when I rented her to those four guys looking for a good time for the weekend. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow and were willing to pay. The fools all tried to get in her at the same time and split her right down the middle."

The old woman fainted.

It is September 1st, time for the FIRST Day Blog Tour! (Join our alliance! Click the button!) The FIRST day of every month we will feature an author and his/her latest book's FIRST chapter!

and her book:

Sushi for One?

(Zondervan, September 1, 2007)

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Camy Tang is a member of FIRST and is a loud Asian chick who writes loud Asian chick-lit. She grew up in Hawaii, but now lives in San Jose, California, with her engineer husband and rambunctious poi-dog. In a previous life she was a biologist researcher, but these days she is surgically attached to her computer, writing full-time. In her spare time, she is a staff worker for her church youth group, and she leads one of the worship teams for Sunday service.

Sushi for One? (Sushi Series, Book One) is her first novel. Her second, Only Uni (Sushi Series, Book Two) comes out in February 2008!

Visit her at her website.

AND NOW...THE FIRST CHAPTER:


Chapter 1

Eat and leave. That’s all she had to do.

If Grandma didn’t kill her first for being late.

Lex Sakai raced through the open doorway to the Chinese restaurant and was immediately immersed in conversation, babies’ wails, clashing perfumes, and stale sesame oil. She tripped over the threshold and almost turned her ankle. Stupid pumps. Man, she hated wearing heels.

Her cousin Chester sat behind a small table next to the open doorway.

If you would like to read the rest of the chapter, go HERE