by Bonnie Calhoun

Hey, we've made it to another weekend! Everybody have a great time. We're supposed to have great weather.

*snort* Enjoy this word mixup...I know the guys will cringe!


"Doc," says Steve, "I want to be castrated."

"What on earth for?" asks the doctor in amazement.

"It's something I've been thinking about for a long time and I want to have it done" replies Steve.

"But have you thought it through properly?" asks the doctor, "It's a very serious operation and once it's done, there's no going back. It will change your life forever!"

"I'm aware of that and you're not going to change my mind -- either you book me in to be castrated or I'll simply go to another doctor."

"Well, OK.", says the doctor, "But it's against my better judgment!"

So Steve has his operation, and the next day he is up and walking very slowly, legs apart, down the hospital corridor with his drip stand. Heading towards him is another patient, who is walking exactly the same way.

"Hi there," says Steve,"It looks as if you've just had the same operation as me."

"Well," said the patient, "I finally decided after 37 years of life that I would like to be circumcised."

Steve stared at him in horror and screamed, "Crap! THAT'S the word!”

by Bonnie Calhoun

This is the first anniversary of the catastrophic flood that we had last year! People are surviving. We're doing a lot better than they are in new Orleans, so I guess there's a lot to thank God for. If you want to see flood pictures look back in my Archives to this time last year!

Here's a really cute funny!

An amateur genealogical researcher discovered that his great-great uncle, Remus Starr, a fellow lacking in character, was hanged for horse stealing and train robbery in Montana in 1889. The only known photograph of Remus shows him standing on the gallows. On the back of the picture is this inscription:

"Remus Starr; horse thief; sent to Montana Territorial Prison 1885, escaped 1887; robbed the Montana Flyer six times. Caught by Pinkerton detectives. Convicted and hanged 1889."

In a Family History subsequently written by the researcher, Remus’s picture is cropped so that all that's seen is a head shot. The accompanying biographical sketch is as follows:

"Remus Starr was a famous cowboy in the Montana Territory. His business empire grew to include acquisition of valuable equestrian assets and intimate dealings with the Montana railroad. Beginning in 1885, he devoted several years of his life to service at a government facility, finally taking leave to resume his dealings with the railroad. In 1887, he was a key player in a vital investigation run by the renowned Pinkerton Detective Agency. In 1889, Remus passed away during an important civic function held in his honor when the platform upon which he was standing collapsed."

This week, the

Christian Fiction Blog Alliance

is introducing

THE DIVINE APPOINTMENT

(Howard Books June 5, 2007)

by

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Jerome Teel is a graduate of Union University, where he received his JD, cum laude, from the Ole Miss School of Law. He is actively involved in his church, local charities, and youth sports.

He has always loved legal-suspense novels and is a political junkie. He is also the author of The Election, another political thriller that we reviewed November of '06.

Jerome and his wife, Jennifer, have three children...Brittney, Trey, and Matthew...and they reside in Tennessee where he practices law and is at work on a new novel.

You could visit Jerome at his Website, or at his blog Christian Political Blog.

ABOUT THE BOOK:

"They aren't hiding just one something, but a bunch of somethings..."

Small town southern lawyer, Elijah Faulkner is a dying breed...an attorney that actually takes pleasure in fighting injustice by working hard for the little guy. But when he takes on a case to defend a philandering doctor with a pregnant wife in a seemingly open-and-shut murder trial, Eli is not so sure he is on the 'right' side.

Back in Washington D.C., supreme Court Justice Martha Robinson has died, presenting an unprecedented opportunity for conservative President Richard Wallace to impact the direction of the highest court in the land. He believes God put him in the presidency for just such a time as this...to make a Divine Appointment. Not everyone is thrilled with the president's nominee, however. And some will stop at nothing, including murder, to prevent his confirmation by the Senate.

A lobbyist with a vendetta, a small-time Mafioso, an investigative reporter with a Watergate complex, and a powerful Washington political machine combine to create a fast-paced suspense novel that explores the anatomy of a murder, and the ripple effect that it creates across the country.

"Jerome Teel has crafted an intriguing political thriller...nice twists and turns to keep you reading. he paints vivid mental pictures that bring characters and locales to life."
--Congresswoman Marsha Blackburn, Tennessee's 7th District

by Bonnie Calhoun

I'm getting prepared for the conference...that's the link up there above the black box. I am so excited. This is going to be a great time of seeing old and new friends! And the Philadelphia Biblical University is a beautiful campus!

Here's a lesson that is lost on the young and relished by the old!

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He
finally went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set
of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.

The elderly gentleman returned to the doctor a month later for a re-check.

The doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased
that you can hear again."

To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit
around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"

by Bonnie Calhoun

Good Monday morning. Another work week has begun. The weekend was spent doing work on our new church building. We can't wait...a couple more weeks and we'll be in. The offices have moved already. The sactuary is being painted now!

Have a funny...whether it's true or not...who knows, but it's worth a chuckle!

This is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment in Florida... and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!

NAME: Greg Bulmash

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.

SIGN HERE: Aries.

by Bonnie Calhoun
Well the storms are over. My ISP is back online...LOL...And my car was pulverized by hail. Insurance man will evaluate it today!

Ha! And you thought this post was about a couple of mircats singing hacunna matadda while wildabeasts frollicked in the background *snort*

But no!!! This is the HUMAN circle of life!

At age 4...success is...not peeing in your pants.

At age 10...success is...making your own meals.

At age 12...success is...having friends.

At age 16...success is...having a drivers license.

At age 20...success is...having sex.

At age 35...success is...having money.

At age 50...success is...having money.

At age 60...success is...having sex.

At age 70...success is...having a drivers license.

At age 75...success is...having friends.

At age 80...success is...making your own meals.

At age 85...success is...not peeing in your pants.

This week, the

Christian Fiction Blog Alliance
is introducing

RELUCTANT RUNAWAY

(Multnomah, March 2007)
by

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Jill Elizabeth Nelson is a member of the CFBA. Her blog, Artistic Blogger, addresses issues about art, art theft, antiquities preservation, and the art of fiction writing. She takes art seriously - when she's not having fun with it, that is. The To Catch a Thief Series combines her love of the written word with her love of other art forms.

The first in the series was Reluctant Burglar , second is Reluctant Runaway. In January 2008, she will reveal the third book, Reluctant Smuggler. Jill is thrilled if the adventures that spill from her imagination can raise awareness about art theft - deemed "a looming criminal enterprise" by the FBI. Jill and her husband, Doug, have four children and live in Minnesota.

ABOUT THE BOOK:

Stolen Indian artifacts...A murdered museum guard…

A missing woman…A baby in danger…

Only Desiree can unearth the horrifying secret that links them all.

Museum security expert Desiree Jacobs doesn’t mean to get in danger’s path. Really she doesn’t. But when a friend is in trouble you don’t just walk away. No matter what your overprotective FBI agent boyfriend says! So when Desi and Tony’s date at a presidential ball is interrupted by a frantic Maxine Webb, Desi doesn’t hesitate to jump in.

Soon Desi is neck-deep in a confusing array of villains. Did Max’s niece run away or was she taken? Is she still alive or the victim of a perverse ritual? And who wants her infant son–and why?

Then Tony’s organized crime case collides with Desi’s investigation, throwing them both into the path of something dark and sinister. Something that craves blood...

From the streets of Desi’s beloved Boston to the mountain desert of New Mexico, Desi and Tony must rely on God to thwart unseen forces–and save a young woman and her baby from a villain more evil than any of them can imagine.

"A fresh voice, strong heroine, and unique plot make Reluctant Runaway a can't-put-down read. Jill Elizabeth Nelson is an author to watch in the realm of romantic suspense!"
----SUSAN MAY WARREN award-winning author of In Sheep's Clothing

by Bonnie Calhoun



When I meditated on the word Guidance, I kept seeing "dance" at the end of the word.

I remember reading that doing God's will is a lot like dancing.

When two people try to lead, nothing feels right. The movement doesn't flow with the music, and everything is quite uncomfortable and jerky.

When one person realizes that, and lets the other lead, both bodies begin to flow with the music.

One gives gentle cues, perhaps with a nudge to the back or by pressing Lightly in one direction or another.

It's as if two become one body, moving beautifully. The dance takes surrender, willingness, and attentiveness from one person and gentle guidance and skill from the other.

My eyes drew back to the word Guidance. When I saw "G: I thought of God, followed by "u" and "i". "God, "u" and "i" dance." God, you, and I dance.

As I lowered my head, I became willing to trust that I would get guidance about my life. Once again, I became willing to let God lead.

My prayer for you today is that God's blessings and mercies be upon you on this day and everyday. May you abide in God as God abides in you. Dance together with God, trusting God to lead and to guide you through each season of your life.

This prayer is powerful and there is nothing attached.

If God has done anything for you in your life, please share this message with someone else, for prayer is one of the best gifts we can receive.

There is no cost but a lot of rewards; so let's continue to pray for one another.

And I Hope You Dance

by Bonnie Calhoun

How was your weekend? Mine just flew by. We're working on our new church building, and it's all hands on deck! We hope to be in sometime in July...I'm doing the window treatments and uphostering the furniture for each of the offices.

The fellowship hall in this building is the size of the sanctuary in our old building, lots of room to grow. I'll put up a video and some pictures when I get them all sorted out!

Woowoo...go check out this page! Faculty.

I will post a permanent conference link in my sidebar this week...I want to create a nice image to go along with it!

I hate it when people forward bogus warnings, and I have even done it myself a couple times...but this one is real, and it's important so please send this warning
to everyone on your e-mail list:

If someone comes to your front door saying they are checking for ticks due to the warming weather and asks you to take your clothes off and dance around with your arms up, DO NOT DO IT!!

IT'S A SCAM!!!

They only want to see you naked ...
I wish I'd gotten this yesterday...
I feel so stupid...*snort*

by Bonnie Calhoun

On a sadder note, the wife of Billy Graham has passed on to be with her Lord. She was 87 years old, and had been in ill health for quite a while. Billy Graham and all of her children were at her side at the beginning of her new journey. My prayers go out to the Graham family.

And you might wonder why I still supply you with a source of jockularity at such a grave time. It is because as Christians we can rejoice at anyone who has gone home to be with the Lord!

Here's your fun for the weekend:

1.) FINE this is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2.) FIVE MINUTES If she is getting dressed, this means a half hour. five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3.)NOTHING This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in FINE.

4.)GO AHEAD This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5.)LOUD SIGH This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing!)

6.) THAT'S OKAY This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake!

7.)THANKS A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say, "You're welcome!"

8.)WHATEVER Is a woman's way of saying F@!K YOU!

9.) DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, I GOT IT Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking, "What's wrong?" For the woman's response refer to #3.

Send this to the men you know, to warn them about arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology.

send it to all the women you know to give the, a good laugh cause they know it's true!