Tuesday, December 27, 2005

E-mail Etiquette

Yea, I know I already used the little head-banger guy, but I really like him...it's me!

Big companies don't do business via chain letter. Bill Gates is not giving you $1000, and Disney is not giving you a free vacation. AppleBee's is not giving away gift certificates, and if Hotmail was going to delete your account, sending another chain letter would not prevent this.

There is no baby food company issuing class-action checks. You can relax; there is no need to pass it on "just in case it's true." Furthermore, just because someone said in the message, four generations back that "we checked it out and it's legit," does not actually make it true.

Nobody, and I mean nobody (with the possible exception of the FBI, if you have terrorist connections) can tell who you forward your email to. Yahoo, Hotmail, AOL, and ICQ can figure out whether you're active by looking at their own computers. They do, after all, provide the service.

There is no kidney theft ring in New Orleans. No one is waking up in a bathtub full of ice, even if a friend of a friend swears it happened to their cousin. If you are hell-bent on believing the kidney-theft stories, please see Snopes.com And I quote: "the National Kidney Foundation has asked any individual who claims to have had his or her kidneys illegally removed to step forward and contact them. So far no one's showed up." That's "no one" as in "zero." Not even your friend's cousin.

Neiman Marcus doesn't really sell a $200 cookie recipe. And even if they do, we all have it. And even if you don't, you can get a copy at: Cookie Recipe Then, if (and only if) you make the recipe, and decide the cookies are that awesome, feel free to pass the recipe on.

We all know all 500 ways to drive your roommates crazy, irritate co-workers and creep out people on an elevator. We also know exactly how many engineers, college students, Usenet posters, and people from each and every world ethnicity it takes to change a light bulb.

Even if the latest NASA rocket disaster(s) did contain plutonium that went to particulate over the eastern seaboard, do you really think this information would reach the public via an AOL chain-letter?

There is no "Good Times" virus. In fact, you should never, never ever forward any email containing any virus warning unless you first confirm it at an actual company that actually deals with viruses. Try Norton.com And NEVER delete a file, or change your computer's settings, because of a chain-letter warning.

If your TO: list is regularly longer than the actual content of your message, you're probably going to Hell.

If you still absolutely must forward that 10th-generation message from a friend, at least have the decency to trim the eight miles of headers showing everyone else who's received it over the last 6 months. It sure wouldn't hurt to get rid of all the ">>>>>>" that begin each line. Besides, if it has gone around that many times, I've probably already seen it!

Chain letters do not bring you luck. Consider the pathetic son-of-a-gun you just received it from. Is he particularly lucky? Is he driving a new car? Are the supermodels beating a path to his door? Is he comparing financial statements with Bill Gates? Does he have any friends he hasn't met through cyberspace? If not, sending out his chain letter, which is guaranteed to annoy all your friends, is not going to bring you any luck, either.


  1. Bernita said...
    I just wish e-Bay would stop sending me all those notices about an account that I DO NOT HAVE.
    Denise McDonald said...
    If your TO: list is regularly longer than the actual content of your message, you're probably going to Hell.

    My fave! LOL Bonnie - too funny all of it!
    Mindy Tarquini said...
    This is why I have several email accounts with various levels of people accessibility.

    There's the super secret, family, Bunions only account.

    The legit business account.

    the fake business account.

    the website account...

    you get the drift.

    Thus - I avoid most spam and most chain letter stuff.

    Guy I know who's into computer security said something I took to heart. He said that once you put an email address anywhere in the public (even when using secure servers to buy things) it's out there somewhere for the spammers, etc. to pick up. He's the one who recommended the super sekrit speshul only for the family or special people account. Makes a big difference for me.

    You missed the one about the needles in the bottom of the ball pit at McDonald's.
    Bonnie S. Calhoun said...
    My ISP is pretty secure, I only get things I've stupidly signed up for!

    M.G. I forgot about that one! I'll have to do a second list sometime, I can think of a ton more, now!
    Jean-Luc Picard said...
    Greast points of view, Bonnie.

    I keep getting messages from African Princes who want to put millions in my bank account. Aren't I lucky?
    Joe said...
    I am SO disillusioned! I thought all of those things were true.

    No wonder I'm broke!

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