Tuesday, October 12, 2010

The difference between the North and the South
- at last, clearly explained...by one of my southern friends.

The North has Bloomingdale's; the South has Dollar General.

The North has coffee houses; the South has Waffle Houses.

The North has dating services; the South has family reunions.

The North has switchblade knives; the South has Lee Press-on Nails.

The North has double last names; the South has double first names.

The North has Indy car races; The South has stock car races.

The North has Cream of Wheat; the South has grits.

The North has green salads; the South has collard greens.

The North has lobsters; the South has crawfish.

The North has the rust belt; the South has the Bible Belt.


In the South: If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for..

Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store...Do not buy food at this store.

Remember, "Y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all y'all's" is plural possessive.

Get used to hearing "You ain't from round here, are ya?"

Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.

Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand you either. The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big'ol," truck or "big'ol" boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it..

The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.

Be advised that 'He needed killin.' is a valid defense here.

If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all watch this," you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.

If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.

Do not be surprised to find that 10-year-olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.

In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.

AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we ain't gonna call 'em biscuits.

Relay this to four people that ain't related to you, and I reckon your life will turn into a country music song 'fore you know it.

Your kin would get a kick out of it, too!

by Bonnie S. Calhoun


  1. Nicole said...
    Excellent! always wanted to know the differences ;p been wondering while watching tv (and now the voice in my head has a southern accent - thanks ya'll)

    Annette said...
    Now Bonnie, hopefully your readers understand that your just joshing, pokin fun, and messin with us!
    I'm gonna go fix some vittles!
    Rachel Leigh Smith said...
    Very true words! Just cuz you move down here and have kids don't make your kids Southern.

    Me, I'm just waiting for the weather to cool off enough to make a big pot of chicken and dumplings!
    Lorna G. Poston said...
    Unknown said...
    You sure know how to make a girl smile. You took me back to our 3 1/2 years in Southeastern Kentucky. Interesting times.
    Although where we were, it was y'uns instead of all y'all.
    Have a great day.
    From Mary's Pen said...
    Oh Bonnie... I don't know about you. Made me laugh... thanks for the giggles!

    Rejoicing in the day,
    poker said...
    You make me giggle with your excellent words. Funny with sense, but some of the southern accent you made,- makes me ask myself what does it mean?.Anyway, I laugh so much.

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