by Bonnie Calhoun

Okay my brain is fried! Sanjaya is hanging on for dear life. I am beyond incredulous. The only thing that has brought me any relief, is that Don Imus has been fired by MSNBC.

They aren't going to carry the simulcast of the Imus Radio Show anymore, but NBC is still holding to the two week suspension. I've heard opinions from both sides...the pro-Imus argument: He donates millions to charity and runs a camp for young cancer patients and some of those cancer patients are black. Therefore, he is a good person and cannot be racist.

My opinion goes like this: a man can beat his wife and still give away money to women's causes therefore making him a generous wife-beater. The same logic applies to Imus!

I need a joke....this one is courtesy of my buddy Bonnie Wren

A Texan is drinking in a New York bar when, he gets a call on his cell phone.

He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear, and orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar announcing his wife has produced a typical Texas baby boy weighing 25 pounds.

Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the Texan just shrugs, "That's about average back home, folks, like I said, my boy's a typical Texas baby boy." Congratulations showered him from all around, amid many exclamations of "WOW!". One woman actually fainted due to sympathy pains.

Two weeks later, he returns to the bar. The bartender says, "Say, you're the father of that typical Texas baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth. Everybody has been making bets about how big he'd be in two weeks. So how much does he weigh now?"

The proud father answers, "Seventeen pounds."

The bartender is puzzled, concerned, and a little suspicious. "What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds the day he was born!"

The Texas father takes a slow swig from his beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says, "...had him circumcised."


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by Bonnie Calhoun

I can not believe it....I CAN NOT believe it!!! Auggghhhh!!!! I CAN NOT BELIEVE IT!!!
Sanjaya Malakar is still on American Idol. Augghhh! He wasn't even in the bottom three! And his song was really, I mean REALLY bad this week.

You can see the look on Simon Cowell's face. He is ready to spit...For that matter, so am I. And I'm sure that woman know as "J" is yelling at her TV.

She's a 22-year-old MySpace blogger from Buffalo, who went on a hunger strike until Sanjaya was booted off the show. Last week when it was 16 days later and he hadn't got the hook, the poor girl broke open a box of donuts in "sheer" dispair! Her doctor told her enough was enough.

Well that's what we've been saying about this kid. But stupid Howard Stern is leading the charge to ruin American idol, by cranking out the votes and helping this no-talent child to win.

That would be sad in so many ways if it happens...including the obvious...Sanjaya Malakar CAN"T SING!

Here's a joke to make me feel better!

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."

He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then ..." he sighed, "let's put all the Frosted Flakes back in the box."

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by Bonnie Calhoun

Okay, we made it to Friday...I can't talk...I can't think...I can't believe that Sanjaya Malakar IS STILL ON AMERICAN IDOL! In the name of all that is right in the universe...I would ask the Lord to help...but this is way too stupid to waste His time!

This is unbelievable!I tried to find a picture of this week's rubberband mohawk hairdo, but they are not forthcoming yet! And then, on Wednesday, Ryan Seacrest comes out on stage in the same kind of hairdo. Simon is beside himself and actually speechless.

Sanjaya has to go. This is like the effects of global warming, nuclear proliferation, and a few category 5 hurricanes thrown in for good measure. Lord...will the people of America please send Sanjaya Malakar HOME!!!!

And now for some other children:

To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our own, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or students...here is something to make you chuckle. Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children. After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve.

And the first thing He said was "DON'T!"

"Don't what?" Adam asked.

"Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God answered.

"Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit?"

"Hey Eve...we have forbidden fruit!!!!"

"No Way!"

"Yes, way!"

"Do NOT eat the fruit!" said God.

"Why?"

"Because I am your Father and I said so!" God replied, wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making elephants. A few minutes later, God saw His children having a fruit break and He was ticked!

"Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" God asked.

"Uh huh," Adam replied.

"Then why did you?" asked the Father.

"I don't know," said Eve.

"She started it!" Adam said.

"Did not!"

"Did to!"

"DID NOT!"

Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.

BUT THERE IS REASSURANCE IN THE STORY!

If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself.

If God had trouble raising children,

what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT!

1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.

2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children.

3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.

4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said in the first place.

5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.

6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in.

7. Just when you redecorate their room into a nice TV room, they show up with boxes, suitcases and large dogs, to move back home.

ADVICE FOR THE DAY:

Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home one day.

AND FINALLY:

IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET A HEADACHE, DO WHAT IT SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:

"Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children!!!"



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