by Bonnie Calhoun
LOL...I think something ate my mouse!
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.
One day, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered as his eyes were full of tears,
"You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me.
When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side.
When we lost the house, you stayed right here.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?"
"What dear?" she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
"I think you're bad luck, get the hell away from me."
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Eventual Realization
Friday, May 23, 2008
Meow-Amen
by Bonnie Calhoun
Johnny's Mother looked out the window and noticed
him 'playing church' with their cat.
He had the cat sitting quietly and he was preaching to it.
She smiled and went about her work.
A while later she heard loud meowing and hissing and ran back
to the open window to see Johnny baptizing the cat in a tub of water.
She called out, 'Johnny, stop that! The cat is afraid of water!'
Johnny looked up at her and said,
'He should have thought about that before he joined my church.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Broken Angel by Sigmund Brouwer
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Sigmund Brouwer is the author of eighteen best-selling novels for children and adults. His newest book is Fuse of Armageddon and his novel The Last Disciple was featured in Time magazine and on ABC’s Good Morning America. A champion of literacy, he teaches writing workshops for students in schools from the Arctic Circle to inner city Los Angeles. Sigmund is married to Christian recording artist Cindy Morgan, and they and their two daughters divide their time between homes in Red Deer, Alberta, Canada and Nashville, Tennessee.ABOUT THE BOOK
Her birth was shrouded in mystery and tragedy.Her destiny is beyond comprehension.
Her pursuers long to see her broken.
She fights to soar.
A father's love for his daughter…a decision that would change both their lives forever. But who is she really─and why must she now run for her life?
Caitlin's body has made her an outcast, a freak, and the target of vicious bounty hunters. As she begins a perilous journey, she is forced to seek answers for her father's betrayal in the only things she can carry with her─a letter he passes her before forcing her to run, and their shared memories together.
Being hunted forces Caitlyn to partner with two equally lonely companions, one longing to escape the horror of factory life in Appalachia and the others, an unexpected fugitive. Together the three will fight to reach a mysterious group that might be friend or foe, where Caitlyn hopes to uncover the secrets of her past...and the destiny she must fulfill.
In the rough, shadowy hills of Appalachia, a nation carved from the United States following years of government infighting, Caitlyn and her companions are the prey in a terrifying hunt. They must outwit the relentless bounty hunters, skirt an oppressive, ever-watchful society, and find passage over the walls of Appalachia to reveal the dark secrets behind Caitlyn’s existence–and understand her father’s betrayal.
Prepare yourself to experience a chilling America of the very near future, as you discover the unforgettable secret of the Broken Angel.
In this engrossing, lightning-paced story with a post-apocalyptic edge, best-selling author Sigmund Brouwer weaves a heroic, harrowing journey through the path of a treacherous culture only one or two steps removed from our own.
If you would like to read the first chapter, go HERE.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Over Thirty Crowd
by Bonnie Calhoun
I got this from my friend Dennie, who by the way has her fourth book coming out. Congratulations girfriend!
This is written by an over-30er!
If you are 30 or older, you will think this is hilarious!!!! If not, your parents will!
When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tediousdiatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; whatwith walking twenty-five miles to school every morning...Uphill BOTH ways...
Yadda, yadda, yadda
And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in heck I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hardI had it and how easy they’ve got it!
But now that...
I’m over the ripe old age of thirty, I can’t help but look around andnotice the youth of today. You’ve got it so easy! I mean, compared to mychildhood, you live in a dang Utopia! And I hate to say it but youkids today you don’t know how good you’ve got it!
1. When I was a kid, we didn’t have the Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the dang library and look it up ourselves… In the card catalog!! (Do you even know what a card catalog is? Didn’t think so!)
2. There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter... With a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!
3. There were no MP3’s or Napsters! If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the dang record store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and mess it all up! (The author forgot that those of us in our 20s had a compromise: copying CDs to cassettes, which took all day long.)
4. We didn’t have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that’s it!
5. And we didn’t have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just didn’t know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!
6. We didn’t have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like “Space Invaders” and “Asteroids” and the graphics were horrible! Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!
7. When you went to the movie theater there no such thing as stadium seating! All the seats were the same height! If a tall guy or some old broad with a hat sat in front of you and you couldn’t see, you were just screwed!
8. Sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 15 channels and there was no on-screen menu! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! And there was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I’m saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons!
9. And we didn’t have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up, we had to use the stove or go build a fire...Imagine that! If we wanted popcorn, we had to use that stupid JiffyPop thing or a pan with HOT oil and Real popcorn kernels and shake it all over the stove forever like an idiot. (The author’s parents couldn’t afford a hot-air popper, obviously...they’ve been around forever.)
10. When we were on the phone with our friends and our parents walked-in, we were stuck to the wall with a cord, a 7 foot cord that ran to the phone...not the phone base, the actual phone. We barely had enough length to sit on the floor and still be able to twirl the phone cord in our fingers. If you suddenly had to go to the bathroom, guess what we had to do...Hang up and talk to them later.
That’s exactly what I’m talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You’re spoiled!! You guys wouldn’t have lasted five minutes back in 1980!
Regards,
The over 30 Crowd
Monday, May 19, 2008
Embrace Me by Lisa Samson
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Lisa Samson is a Christy Award-winning author of 19 books, including the Women of the Faith Novel of the Year, Quaker Summer. Lisa has been hailed by Publishers Weekly as "a talented novelist who isn't afraid to take risks."In Embrace Me, the latest novel by acclaimed author Lisa Samson, readers are privy to the realization that regardless of outward appearances…hideous, attractive, or even ordinary…persons are all looking for the same things: love, forgiveness, and redemption.
This story explores a world that is neither comfortable nor safe, a world that people like Valentine know all too well. Masterfully crafted by Samson and populated by her most compelling cast of characters yet. It is a tale of forgiveness that extends into all spheres of life: forgiving others, forgiving oneself, forgiving the past.
She lives in Lexinton, Kentucky, with her husband and three kids.
ABOUT THE BOOK
Biting and gentle, hard-edged and hopeful...a beautiful fable of love and power, hiding and seeking, woundedness and redemption.When a "lizard woman," a self-mutilating preacher, a tattoed monk, and a sleazy lobbyist find themselves in the same North Carolina town one winter, their lives are edging precariously close to disaster...and improbably close to grace.
Valentine, due to her own drastic self-disfigurement, ahs very few friends in this world and, it appears as if she may be destined to spend the rest of her life practically alone. But life gives her one good friend, Lella, whose own handicap puts her in the same freakish category as Valentine. As part of Roland's Wayfaring Marvel and Oddities Show, a traveling band of misfits, they seem to have found their niches in an often curiously cruel world.
Residing in a world where masks are mandatory, Valentine has a hard time removing hers, because of her disfigured face but more so because of her damaged soul. It is much easier for her to listen endlessly to different versions of a favorite song, Embraceable You, and escape reality. Yet, life has more in store for her when she meets Augustine, replete with the tattoos, dreadlocks, and his own secrets. With his arrival, Valentine's soul takes a turn.
If you would like to read the first chapter, go HERE
Friday, May 16, 2008
Don't Fart In Bed
by Bonnie Calhoun
If this story doesn't make you cry for laughing so hard, let me know and I'll pray for you.
This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years.
The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke.
The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.
Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.
The years went by and he continued to blast them out!
Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her.
She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.
Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom.
The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes!
After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her Lip as she asked him what was the matter.
He said, "Honey, you were right!" "All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you."
"What do you mean?" asked his wife.
"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened.
But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and two fingers, I think I got most of them back in."
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Healing Promises by Amy Wallace
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Amy Wallace is the author of Ransomed Dreams, a homeschool mom, and a self-confessed chocoholic. She is a graduate of the Gwinnett County Citizens Police Academy and a contributing author of several books, including God Answers Moms’ Prayers and Chicken Soup for the Soul Healthy Living Series: Diabetes. She lives with her husband and three children in Georgia.
ABOUT THE BOOK
Facing a new threat.
When FBI Agent Clint Rollins takes a bullet during a standoff, it might just save his life. But not even the ugly things he’s seen during his years working in the Crimes Against Children Unit could prepare him for the overwhelming powerlessness of hospital tests revealing an unexpected diagnosis. If only Sara weren’t retreating into doctor mode…he needs his wife now more than ever.
Frozen in fear.
Sara Rollins is an oncologist with a mission–beating cancer when she can, easing her patients’ suffering at the very least. Now the life of her tall Texan husband is at stake. She never let the odds steal her hope before, but in this case, the question of God’s healing promises is personal. Can she hold on to the truth she claimed to believe?
Faith under fire.
As Clint continues to track down a serial kidnapper despite his illness, former investigations haunt his nightmares, pushing him beyond solving the case into risking his life and career. Clint struggles to believe God is still the God of miracles. Especially when he needs not one, but two. Everything in his life is reduced to one all-important question: Can God be trusted?
If you would like to read the first chapter, go HERE
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