Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Home Remedies

by Bonnie Calhoun

Amazingly simple home remedies

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget all about the toothache.

8. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are: You only need two tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

9. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

10. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.

Thoughts for the day: If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance, so be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when you might need them to empty your bed pan.


  1. Vanda said...
    LOL Bonnie. But number 10 is a must when you reach my age.
    Domino said...
    Great funnies! Too bad you have to give the disclaimer just in case people actually try these out. Makes you wonder about people sometimes.

    These sound like the miracle drugs advertised on TV. They work wonders on one specific problem, but give you five problems to deal with in its place.

    This pill will help you lose weight, clear up acne, and improve your mood. BUT you'll die of liver cancer in five years. No thanks.
    Tossing Pebbles in the Stream said...
    Funny stuff. I think I have used a couple of these remedies.

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