Monday, June 28, 2010

Just In Case You Needed A Laugh

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one -- quite a reassurance to those of us who fly.

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet' that tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.


P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
*
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
*
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
*
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
*
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-feet-per-minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
*
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
*
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
*
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
*
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF is always inoperative in OFF mode.
*
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
*
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
*
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
*
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
*
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
*
And best one for last...
*
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget.

by Bonnie S. Calhoun

6 Comments:

  1. Peggy Blann Phifer said...
    Hysterical! Where did you find these?
    Bonnie S. Calhoun said...
    My wonderful friends send them to me :-)
    quilly said...
    Thank you. I really did laugh all the way through this!
    Nicole said...
    Excellent! chuckled all through these
    Mary Ellis said...
    Those are absolutely, hysterical,Bonnie. I sent them to my hubby who flies all the time. Loved them. Mary Ellis
    Ronie Kendig said...
    Hilarious!!

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