Tuesday, December 04, 2007

More Stupid Human Tricks

by Bonnie Calhoun

I've got some more stupid things to annoy people...LOL...I've tried a few of them and am still alive!

Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.

Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".

Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.

While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.

Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.

Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.

Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."

Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

Chew on pens that you've borrowed.

Wear a LOT of cologne.

Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."

1 Comment:

  1. Janet Rubin said...
    very funny, Bonnie. I am partly Norwegian, but have no idea how to sound Norwegian. Perhaps I ought to work on that. Here, I'll add one:

    Go to the mall, walk up to people shopping, and say, "Can I help you find something?" If they give you any crap, you can say, "What do you want from me? I don't work here."

Post a Comment