Friday, October 27, 2006

Friday Morning Email Humor

A little Friday morning humor...

Thinking of you all -

I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me your e-mail forwards over the past two years. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.

Because of your concern...

I no longer can drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our troops.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a stupid number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer eat prepackaged foods because the estrogens they contain will turn me gay.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer go to bars because someone will drug me and take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an email to 7 of my friends and make a wish within 5 minutes.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who has been dying for the past seven years.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I will now return the favor.

If you don't send this post about e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next 60 seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will fly over your head at 5:00pm and the fleas of a thousand camels will infest...well, you get the picture.

I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of a friend of a friend's neighbor's cousin, and he's a lawyer.

Ya'll have a great weekend, hear!

6 Comments:

  1. Steve G said...
    That was the biggest damn bird I have ever seen. Only saving grace was when he crapped over the house, he killed all of the fleas.
    Rulan said...
    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
    Ron Southern said...
    Eeek! As if I didn't have enough to worry about!
    Ballpoint Wren said...
    Dang, Bonnie, you still getting those things, after your incredible anti-marketing campaign about them?

    I guess I still get them, too. Heh! It means the senders love us!
    Dennie McDonald said...
    LOL - hehehehe
    Gordon Cloud said...
    Somebody needs to write a movie about all of this stuff. Since Al Gore invented the Internet, maybe he could produce it?

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