Monday, December 18, 2006

Ten Christmas Tips

Well good Monday morning! I had an exciting Saturday in New York City. You might have read about the huge protest organized by Al Sharpton...well if you didn't *sigh* neither did we!!! LOL!

Our bus dropped us off on 7th between 34th and 33rd St, which is basically at the corner by Macy's. This protest traveled down 5th Avenue from 59th St and ended up...yep, you guessed it...in front of Macy's!

I have never seen so many police officers in my whole life....They were bringing them in by full bus loads! I got a lot of video!

I have seen this around the blogosphere. But I must admit the my friend Debbie...who went to NYC with me by the way....sent these tips to me! Christmas cheer to all!

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic
transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention.
They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have SOME standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

Remember this motto to live by:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in
hand, totally worn out and screaming,

"WOO HOO what a ride!"

6 Comments:

  1. Debrand said...
    That cup of chocolate candy cocoa with homemade marshmallow from the City Bakery has gone to your head. Forgive her, bloggers, she's on a sugar high from Saturday. An Atkin's dieter should NEVER be cut loose in NYC, especially with a camera.
    Bernita said...
    Wassail! Wassail!
    BJ Scoggins said...
    OH Bonnie!
    1. I don't do
    2. Don't do anymore,10,000 calories.LOL
    3. I pile high on potatoes and gravy.
    4. I use skim milk all the time.
    5. I drive a sport car with automatic transmission. LOL
    6. 100% agree.
    7. Amen
    8. Comatose here we come!
    9. 100% agree.
    10. LOL
    Dennie McDonald said...
    dang.... now I am hungry!
    Gordon Cloud said...
    LOL, this is the best holiday post I have seen, yet.

    Did I ever tell you that I feel a very strong kindred spirit with you?
    Anonymous said...
    Let's pig out! Tee hee hee...

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