Tuesday, December 05, 2006

A True Story!!!

Hey, good Tuesday....Are you glad you all woke up? I'll tell ya', my grandma went to sleep one night and never woke up again...hrump! Messed up all her plans for the rest of her life!

My friend Bernita did a post on Sunday about Peppy LaPue and other assorted country creatures, and it brought back a hysterical memory of my husband and his up close and personal experience with a baby skunk...ROFLOL...reprinted without the permission of my DH!

THIS IS A TRUE STORY THAT HAPPENED AT MY HOUSE!

Living in the country has its share of pros and cons. The best pros are the animal stories that have happened to me over the years. This first story, happily didn't happen to me but to my hapless, bleary-eyed husband, Bob.

His regular routine consisted of getting of getting up at 3:20 AM. (His favorite time because that way he'd leave the house for town by 4:30, just before the mass exodus of the psycholinguistically challenged members of our country community, the ones who don't understand the phrase, "Don't tailgate!"

Well anyhow....this particular morning, with sleep fogging his eyes and the sugar plum fairies still dancing in his head (well it is getting close to Christmas) he herded our two dogs out the basement door and around the house to the dog-run.

More than once, for various reasons, including stepping in a new chipmunk hole (those little buggers have no decorum on where they build, and trust me when I say they are not as pleasant as Chip and Dale let on to be) I had implored Bob to carry a flashlight.

Well, this morning he was carrying it, but had not turned it on. Something that I consider a novel change of pace. Hey why not trip around in the dark...pushing that little button is way too much work! But what do I know. I'm only a lowly woman. The female of the species usually TURN ON a flashlight if we're carrying one. But like I said, what do I know.

On the way to the dog-run both Brea and Maxi (one Akita-Husky and the other Collie-Shepherd) deserted him. In his sleepy-time, he just figured they were trying to annoy him because they didn't like being awake either.

He got to the dog-run, opened the gate, and the dogs wouldn't go in. They decided to do a wide circle around my husband, which at that hour of the morning is not a way to win friends or influence people. He stood there with the gate open and yelled. They cowered under the apple tree. He yelled again. They relented and ran into the dog-run, with both of them darting immediately into the left of the two side-by side doghouses.

Now this got Bob's attention, and low and behold he turned on the flashlight. (wonder upon wonders...not a creature was stirring...except...) As the beam of light crossed the doghouses, the right house caught his attention. There...peering out of the dog house was a baby skunk. It had gone into the run while Bob was holding the gate open and jumping up and down at the dogs.

The light drew the little creature out of the house and over to the gate. Meanwhile, my two watchdogs cowered in fear, squashed into a doghouse big enough for only one of them. Bob opened the gate as the miniature Peppy LaPue approached, figuring it would scurry off to tell momma how it had followed the light.

The only problem was...it continued to follow the light. Bob, now fearing that he would run into more of the brood, kept the light on. Peppy must have watched one of those Poltergeist movies, where the little scary lady said, "Go into the light." Bob starts around the dog-run with Peppy in hot pursuit. The faster Bob goes, the faster Peppy trots. (I swear he thought Bob was his mommy). Well Bob got far enough around the dog-run and attached shed, that he lost sight of Peppy. Figuring the little fellow has given up, Bob heads back around to the house...Mwhahahaha...sadistic cackle...

Peppy...scared...tail raised...you get the picture...right on Bob's chest. Thank God the thing was little, it's aim was low.

And I...nestled all snug in my bed, while visions of blog fairies, danced in my head. I woke to Bob standing in the double doors to our room yelling, "Bonnie!" I, half-comatose, turned my head in his direction to ask, "What," and was smacked in the face by the most putrid and rank olfactory sensation I had ever been forced to inhale! I hid my face in the pillow as he sheepishly asked me what he could do because he had to go to work.

Fast on my feet as I am (believe me when that smell is invading your house, your little feet sprout wings.) I jumped into action. I tore open the shutters and threw up the sash. (not really, I just opened the window, but it sounded good). The only thing I could think of was Fabreeze. You know the odor remover! I sprayed him down, while holding my nose. He took a shower. The smell was gone.

Now I was so pleased with myself that I called the 800 number on the Fabreeze bottle to tell them of my new discovery. The poor man on the other end of the phone was silent for several seconds before stating, "Ma'am we don't recommend using it on humans. We haven't tested it on people."

Hey, ya' know, I always say, "Any port in a storm!"

Fabreeze did send me $50 worth of coupons......So I stocked up! Just in case


9 Comments:

  1. SAND STORM said...
    Great story Bonnie!

    One night at the lake my youngest came into our bedroom and quietly asked Dad? "Yes," I replied before gasping for air. What the @#%!
    "Its a skunk he was hit by a car."
    So Mr. I love all animals cuddled it smell and all and brought it home. Poor thing died but at least he was loved by a boy who didn't care about the smell. Our cabin was under lockdown until we cleaned for two days.
    Bernita said...
    This is absolutely hysterical, Bonnie.
    We can see it ALL.
    Thank you!
    Oh yes, fan-alert today!
    Ric said...
    Bonnie, What a great story! AND you tell it so well.

    psycholinguistically challenged members

    What a great phrase! I love it!
    Gordon Cloud said...
    This is great, Bonnie. And well written, too! Living in the country can be very exciting at times.

    BTW, my wife really enjoyed the book I won.
    Lynne W. Scanlon said...
    My English Springer Spaniel got skunked about 11 pm one night. We'd heard somewhere that you were supposed to wash a skunked dog in tomato juice, but all we had on hand was left over spagetti sauce. Yep, we used it. No, it didn't help. Toby was very disappointed that we were smearing tasty sauce on him and not putting it in his food bowl. He was also confused about why we all looked like bandits with neckerchiefs over over noses and mouths while he was in the tub.

    What a stink. Beyond awful.
    Bonnie Calhoun said...
    ...I'm sure the dog was waiting for the Romano cheese...LOL!

    I still swear by Fabreeze, but there is a recipe on the internet using peroxide and baking soda that works really well!

    Every year, one of the males (man or beast) in this house get skunked!
    Buffy said...
    My other half is an all-his-life Londoner.

    I cannot convince him, no matter how hard I try, that the smell by the side of the road on the way to my grandparents' house in WV comes from an animal.

    He thinks it's some sort of toxic dump.
    Tim A. Blankenship said...
    Bonnie,
    Great story. I really enjoyed the writing.
    I got the link from reading Gordon Clouds article.
    Ballpoint Wren said...
    Aw, sand storm, that story about your boy is so touching!

    Bonnie, your poor man! Who knew Febreze could work such miracles?

Post a Comment