by Bonnie Calhoun

Here's some Monday morning funnies: Thanks Ric for your contribution!

Yesterday I went to the doctor for my yearly physical. My blood pressure was high, my cholesterol was high, I'd gained some weight, and I didn't feel so hot.

My doctor said eating right doesn't have to be complicated and it would solve my physical problems. He said just think in colors -- fill your plate with bright colors... greens, yellows, reds, etc.

I went right home and ate an entire bowl of M & M's and sure enough, I felt better immediately. I never knew eating right could be so easy.

* * * * *

There were two twins, Joe and John.

Joe was the owner of a old dilapidated boat.

It just so happened that John's wife died the same day Joe's boat sank.

A few days later a kindly old woman saw Joe, and mistaking him for John. Said "I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must feel terrible"

Joe, thinking she was talking about his boat, said "Fact is, I'm sort of glad to get rid of her. She was a rotten old thing from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like an old dead fish. She was always losing her water, she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front, too. Every time I used her the hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finished her off was when I rented her to those four guys looking for a good time for the weekend. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow and were willing to pay. The fools all tried to get in her at the same time and split her right down the middle."

The old woman fainted.