Monday, April 23, 2007

Tech Support

by Bonnie Calhoun




Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that
the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of
space and valuable resources.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now
monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3 ,
Football 5.0 , Hunting and Fishing 7.5 , and Golfing 3.6.

I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my
favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 , but
the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0 . Please help!

Thanks,
Troubled User.....

_____________________________________
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is
just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM
and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING !!! It is also impossible
to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0 . It is impossible to
uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not
allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony/Child
Support . I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the
situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to
alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE! Because
ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system
will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife
1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0 , Cook
It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2

However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause
the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only
way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional
software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !

WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short
Skirt 3.3 . This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause
irreversible damage to the operating system!

Best of luck,

Tech Support

3 Comments:

  1. Bernita said...
    If guys treated their wives like thoroughbreds, they would never turn into old nags.
    Paula Neal Mooney said...
    This is funny that you posted this humorous tech support wife thingee just as I'm gmail chatting with Google techie folks right now to figure out why my pagerank dropped to a 2!

    Pray for me...

    Thanks for the funny post...

    Paula
    Mirtika said...
    I am wife 24.0, and I'm ALL POWERFUL!

    heh heh

    Mir

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