Tuesday, January 23, 2007

13 Reasons To Smile

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.

Marriage changes passion.

Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it.
So I said "Implants?" She hit me.

How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss America?

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Wow...that was fun!"

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."

Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!

Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?

Wouldn't you know it...
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.

Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside? .
Bumper sticker of the year:
"If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English, thank a soldier"

And remember: life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

I could pass up the opportunity to tell women...

The next time a man tells you
he doesn't need to buy the cow when the
milk is free...tell him...

"Yea, and women don't need to buy the
pig when the sausage is free!"


  1. M. C. Pearson said...
    Egads...my face looks like that boy who I can't spell his name...Malc...whatever. You are crazy. Certifiable! ACK! Double-ACK! The one I like is a version of one Dave always says: "Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference." His is Mark Twain's: "It is better to look like an idiot than to open your mouth and remove all doubt." Or something like that.
    Bernita said...
    "Wow, that was fun..."
    Bonnie, I didn't say that, did I?
    Domino said...
    Okay, maybe I didn't quite get that last one. Did the whole cow/milk, pig/sausage thing mean:

    Ungentlemanly Guys think, "Use 'em and lose 'em."

    Used and unhappy about it Girls think, "Kill 'em and cook 'em."


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