Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Email Etiquette

Yea, I know I already used the little head-banger guy, but I really like him...it's me! Well it's Wednesday...and let me tell you one thing! After tonight's episode of American Idol, if anybody...including big mouth Rosie O'Donnell whines one more time about how the judges are denigrating the contestants on national TV, my head is going to spin around, split open and I'm going to start spewing pea soup!

And I know your asking what...or who, pray tell got my hackle up? Well, right on national TV, this jerk guy gets up there, and to a rendition of Elvis' Burning Love, this idiot proceeds to unzip his fly and pull out a white bandana, slowly...like it's the least bit sexy, and going to turn anybody on.....YUCK....double YUCK. IDIOTS!!!

Heh, heh...Well let's get to another pet peeve of mine...email!

Big companies don't do business via chain letter. Bill Gates is not giving you $1000, and Disney is not giving you a free vacation. AppleBee's is not giving away gift certificates, and if Hotmail was going to delete your account, sending another chain letter would not prevent this.

There is no baby food company issuing class-action checks. You can relax; there is no need to pass it on "just in case it's true." Furthermore, just because someone said in the message, four generations back that "we checked it out and it's legit," does not actually make it true.

Nobody, and I mean nobody (with the possible exception of the FBI, if you have terrorist connections) can tell who you forward your email to. Yahoo, Hotmail, AOL, and ICQ can figure out whether you're active by looking at their own computers. They do, after all, provide the service.

There is no kidney theft ring in New Orleans. No one is waking up in a bathtub full of ice, even if a friend of a friend swears it happened to their cousin. If you are hell-bent on believing the kidney-theft stories, please see Snopes.com And I quote: "the National Kidney Foundation has asked any individual who claims to have had his or her kidneys illegally removed to step forward and contact them. So far no one's showed up." That's "no one" as in "zero." Not even your friend's cousin.

Neiman Marcus doesn't really sell a $200 cookie recipe. And even if they do, we all have it. And even if you don't, you can get a copy at: Cookie Recipe Then, if (and only if) you make the recipe, and decide the cookies are that awesome, feel free to pass the recipe on.

We all know all 500 ways to drive your roommates crazy, irritate co-workers and creep out people on an elevator. We also know exactly how many engineers, college students, Usenet posters, and people from each and every world ethnicity it takes to change a light bulb.

Even if the latest NASA rocket disaster(s) did contain plutonium that went to particulate over the eastern seaboard, do you really think this information would reach the public via an AOL chain-letter?

There is no "Good Times" virus. In fact, you should never, never ever forward any email containing any virus warning unless you first confirm it at an actual company that actually deals with viruses. Try Norton.com And NEVER delete a file, or change your computer's settings, because of a chain-letter warning.

If your TO: list is regularly longer than the actual content of your message, you're probably going to Hell.

If you still absolutely must forward that 10th-generation message from a friend, at least have the decency to trim the eight miles of headers showing everyone else who's received it over the last 6 months. It sure wouldn't hurt to get rid of all the ">>>>>>" that begin each line. Besides, if it has gone around that many times, I've probably already seen it!

Chain letters do not bring you luck. Consider the pathetic son-of-a-gun you just received it from. Is he particularly lucky? Is he driving a new car? Are the supermodels beating a path to his door? Is he comparing financial statements with Bill Gates? Does he have any friends he hasn't met through cyberspace? If not, sending out his chain letter, which is guaranteed to annoy all your friends, is not going to bring you any luck, either.

5 Comments:

  1. Debrand said...
    WOW! Who got your dander up? I just sent you another chain letter. Hope you like it! I'm not scared of you, Bonnie, I've got a bigger Someone to protect me. Ha!
    Bernita said...
    I love the delete button.
    I use it often.
    Anonymous said...
    Oh my! My sister could've written this post!

    I don't blame you. Those crazy emails with the crazy urban legends are just crazy.

    And I'm glad I missed most of American Idol last night. Besides, the way they denigrate those contestants...Just kidding, Bonnie, don't want to get your dander up and have you split your skull open!

    Great post. Happy Wednesday,
    Paula
    Bonnie Calhoun said...
    A pox on you Debra for a chain letter...see folks...see what I mean Aurghhhh!

    Right on Bernita...!

    And right on to you too, Paula!
    Ballpoint Wren said...
    Hey, Bonnie, you forgot to say that that kind-hearted but desperate soul in Nigeria won't give you money, but he will take it.

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