Tuesday, January 09, 2007

I've Been Tagged

Well, well, well, my FRIEND Gordon has lain himself on the pyre of flaming keyboards, as the sacrificial goat of taggers the world over, in being brave enough (that's not really the word I'd use, but I'm being nice...weird...huh?) to tag ME for five things about me!!!!

1.)That I absolutely, unequivocally HATE to be tagged, and with maniacal glee will eviscerate any soul who deems themselves brave enough to try.

2.)That I would like to hotwire the keyboards of taggers to deliver electrical shocks every time they even think about passing on the dirty deed to some unexpecting soul.

3.)That I hope the Bird of Paradise will crap on the birthday cakes of the aforementioned taggers, and that the fleas of a thousand camels will come to rest in their....uh nevermind...you get the drift!

4.)That I am appalled that anyone in the free world could have missed this post...
(see my post on 10/21/05)!

5.)That this rant makes me feel absolutely FABULOUS and right now I'm doing the "Happy PeePee Dance"....thank you Gordon!

Will I pass on the pain?....Not on your life....I tap you all with my wand...click your heels together three times and say, "There's no place safer than home!"

Go and be happy my children!

Now for the Joke of the Day!

Things to do at Walmart while your spouse/partner is taking their sweet time:

I laughed so hard, I cried!!!!

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell them "Code 3 in Housewares" and see what they do.

5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are. (Our Walmart doesn't sell guns, but they got knives!)

11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!"

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"

And, last, but not least!

15. Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait awhile; and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

4 Comments:

  1. Bernita said...
    If only one dared...
    Anonymous said...
    It's amazing! I tagged you on the same day for the Five Things thing! But now, I'm thinking I shouldn't have...

    Just kidding. Your post was truly funny.
    Debrand said...
    You're bad...
    Gordon Cloud said...
    Hi, Bonnie. This is great. I'm a little late catching up, but thanks so much for playing. You are a hoot and a real blogging friend.

    God bless!

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