Thursday, March 23, 2006

Leave It to The Kids....and Maxine

I got this one, compliments of my former Blogging friend (She's still a friend, but alas, she no longer blogs!) BJ Scroggins! Joe you missed out on this one! LOL!

Pay special attention to the words and spelling! If you know the Bible...even a little, you'll find this hilarious!

It comes from a Catholic elementary school test. Kids were asked questions about the Old And New Testament. The following statements about the Bible were written by children.

They have been neither retouched nor corrected...incorrect spelling has been left in.


1. In the first book of the Bible, GUINESSIS. God got tired of creating the world so he took the Sabbath off.

2. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was Joan of Ark. Noah built and ark and the animals came on in pears.

3. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire during the night.

4. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals.

5. Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.

6. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.

7. Moses led the Jews to the Res Sea where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.

8. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up to Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Commandments.

9. The first Commandments was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.

10. The seventh commandment is Thou shalt not admit adultery.

11. Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrew in the Battle of Geritol.

12. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

13. David was a Hebrew King who was skilled at playing the liar. He fought the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in biblical times.

14. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

15. When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.

16. When the three wise guys from the East Side arrived they found Jesus in the manager.

17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.

18. ST. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.

19. Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do unto others before they do one to you. He also explained a man doth not live by sweat alone.

20. It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.

21. The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 Decibels.

22. The Epistles were the wives of the Apostles.

23. One of the Oppossums was ST. Matthew who was also a taximan.

24. ST. Paul cavorted to Christianity, he preached Holy Acrimony which is another name for marriage.

25. Christians have only one spouse. this is called monotony.


And Now.....MAXINE!


6 Comments:

  1. jel said...
    LoL
    Bonnie, I have learnd not to have any food or drink when i read your post! :)

    and thanks for stopping by my blog!

    have a great day!
    Live, Love, Laugh said...
    HAHA!

    Where do you get this stuff? I have to say, that you have the most enjoyable blog, it always makes me smile!
    Bernita said...
    And there was the kid who drew the picture of Mary, Joseph and Baby Jesus in a plane with Pontius the pilot.
    Dennie McDonald said...
    Can I relate to Maxine - LOL!
    Dana Y. T. Lin said...
    700 porcupines? Kids are so cute.
    Gordon Cloud said...
    This is great, Bonnie. I especially liked the "Seventh Commandment".

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