Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Men and Maxine

These wonderful...men jokes were sent to me by one of the brilliantly talented Bunions, Dana Y.T.Lin....sorry Ric...I didn't do it, but I will admit to snorting coffee as I read them!

Men... One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to Me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"

"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"

He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma." And they say blondes are dumb...


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A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."

The woman says, "I'll miss you..."

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"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack said as he stepped out of the shower, "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"

"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.


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Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?

A: A rumor!

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A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish.

The wife wished for a trip around the World with her husband. Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.

The man wished for a female companion 30 Years younger... Whoosh...Immediately he turned ninety!!! Gotta love that fairy!

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A PRAYER.... Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him;
And Patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death. AMEN

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Q: Why do little boys whine?

A: They are practicing to be men.

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Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?

A: Trustworthy.

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Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?

A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

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Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?

A. To stop the snoring before it starts.

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Q: What is the difference between men and Women?

A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

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Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?

A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"

14 Comments:

  1. Dana Y. T. Lin said...
    I should consider the stop-snoring method. I'm about to go insane with insomnia.
    jel said...
    ohhhhhh Bonnie, LOL


    you have a great day! :)
    Donny said...
    BOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! : )
    Bernita said...
    Read your yesterday's post to my husband last night.
    He damned near killed himself laughing.
    James Goodman said...
    Being an Oklahoma State University Alumni, I particularly like the slam against OU. (Big rivalry and all that).
    Maxine said...
    Great postings, Bonnie, as usual -- but I've got to ask, why the "Maxine"?
    all best
    Maxine ;-)
    Ric said...
    Bonnie,
    and dana,

    The gloves come off now.

    Terrible, terrible.

    If we are sooooo bad, why do you women insist on tricking us into marriage?
    Dennie McDonald said...
    so true.... LOL!
    Bonnie Calhoun said...
    Hi, Maxine....I put your name in there 'cause I'm clairvoyant and I knew you'd be by.....LOL...No seriously, I had a Maxine cartoon to put in but freakin' Blogger wouldn't let me and I forgot to take the name out of the title!

    LOL..Ric...we trick you guys into marriage because we last longer, and get all the money and all the toys!!!LOL!
    Sandra Ruttan said...
    LOL Bonnie! Wonderful!
    JN said...
    I needed a good laugh. Thanks!
    Dana Y. T. Lin said...
    Ric - we can settle this over at Bardawill's over a game of poker for pills. =)
    Technonana said...
    Love the answer to the black widow spider joke!!
    So why does the female praying mantis bit off the male's head after mating?
    Wendy said...
    Hahaha! I can't stop laughing. Men jokes are really funny (because I'm a woman LOL). I like the fairy joke in particular. It show how selfish men can be...Hehe, he turned 90, very clever fairy, indeed.

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