Friday, February 17, 2006

TGIF, FARTS and 'GATORS

TGIF...geez, didn't I just say this...it was seven days ago...all ready...how time flies when you have no sleep! No sleep, you might ask...pray tell, why have you missed sleep?

'CAUSE I SPEND TO MUCH TIME VISITING BLOGS!!!!

Oh well...now...in addition to supplying a coffee snorting giggle for my blogging friends...I have been informed in the comments of yesterday's post, by my sweet 'like a son' Donny, that his popularity quotient on his college campus, is directly divisible by the jockularity factor of my jokes!

Great!!...More pressure!!...but true to form...me, myself and I are up to the challenge...shhh, be quiet, I don't want them to know I'm here...you be quiet, it's my turn to talk...both of you shutup, I'll do the talking here....Uh, Oh, Hi folks, just a little disagreement with myselves!

On to the Jokes...yes plural...two to get you started on the weekend...Be safe, See ya' Monday!


A cute little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. It never smells and is always silent. As a matter of fact I've farted at least 10 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting because it doesn't smell and is silent."

The doctor says, "I see. Take these pills and come back to see me next week".

The next week the lady returns. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the heck you gave me, but now my farts, although still silent, stink terribly!"

"Good," the doctor said. "Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."

And the second came from my friend S.R....Sorry girlfriend, I can't send the kids over there, it's a little too adult!

Two alligators were sitting in the swamp talking.

The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, "I cain't unnerstand how you kin be so much bigger 'n me. We're the same age, we was the same size as kids. I just don't get it."

"Well," said the big 'gator, What you been eatin' boy?"

"Politicians, same as you," replied the small 'gator.

"Hmm. Well, where do y'all catch 'em?"

"Down 'tother side of the swamp near the parkin' lot by the capitol."

"Same here. Hmm. How do you catch 'em?"

"Well, I crawls up under one of them Lexus and wait fer one to unlock the car door. Then I jump out, grab 'em on the leg, shake the poop out of 'em, and eat 'em!"

"Ah!" says the big alligator, "I think I see your problem. You ain't gettin' any real nourishment. See, by the time you get done shakin' the poop out of a Politician, there ain't nothin' left but a butt and a briefcase!"

And The Thought Of The Day


11th commandment - Covet not thy neighbor's Pentium.

15 Comments:

  1. Sandra Ruttan said...
    But it's all about the Pentiums! (Weird Al)
    Stephen Newton said...
    Bonnie, I'd like to put a link to your blog Bonnie Writes on mine. OK?
    Dennie McDonald said...
    LOL - I would have snorted at that joke - but I'm still stopped up - I chocked and coughed if that makes you feel better!

    I got a new computer {muah muah...} OMG - it is soooooo cool - now if I could remember where word is!
    Bonnie Calhoun said...
    You got it Sandra!

    Stephen, surely and I gladly retuned the favor!

    Wow Dennie...see what being a published author does for ya'! Make Word a desktop icon or an icon in the little bar going across the bottom. That's how I know where it is!

    Well at least I know where Donny is right now...not posting...he must be actually in a class...LOL
    Dana Y. T. Lin said...
    My sinuses are always stuffed up. Very convenient when your favorite food is chili and beans.
    E. Ann Bardawill said...
    Visit my blog...

    Go on....

    You KNOW you WANT too.

    **EVIL LAUGH**
    Bonnie Calhoun said...
    Dana...I have chronic sinuses...it really comes in handy sometimes!

    Ann, honey....I luv'ya' , but I have little, to no concept...LOL...of what the function of that story is...LOL...I feel like I stepped into the twilight zone....that is definitely not for the faint of heart, like M.G. or JA's latest forays into the written word.
    Donny said...
    unfortunately I read your blog a little to late in the day to use any of the jokes. The rooster one's almost as big of a hit as the guy poking the dog with the coat hanger though... my hebrew professor almost spit out his coffee when I told him that one.
    M. C. Pearson said...
    Hey babe... I shall not covet...I shall not covet...will it work if I click my heels at the same time? I hate my computer. Grrrr! Love them thar jokes...so, have you gotten any sleep yet? You know it is your turn to post on the weekend for Seek and Ye Shall Find! Ha ha!
    Live, Love, Laugh said...
    how funny and how terrible all at the same time. Lol!
    Bonnie Calhoun said...
    Donny...save them till Tuesday, and you'll be ahead of the game...LOL1

    Mimi, kiddo...hang in there...a new computer is coming!

    I know, Dana...I was thinking of the poor old lady ripping off farts and the poor doctor can not only hear them but smell them too!!!LOL
    FreeThinker said...
    Thanks for the yuks! Here's one of my faves for ya:

    I was walking across a bridge one day and I saw a man standing on a ledge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said, "Stop! Don't do it!"

    "Why shouldn't I?" he said.

    "Well, there's so much to live for." "Like what?" "Well, are you religious?" He said yes. I said, "Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?" "Christian." "Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?"

    "Protestant." "Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"

    "Baptist." "Wow, me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?"

    "Reformed Baptist Church of God." "Me too. Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1789 or Reformed Baptist Church of God, 1915?"

    He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915."

    I said, "Die, heretic scum!!" And pushed him off the bridge.
    Bonnie Calhoun said...
    Oh...ROFLOL...oh..LOL...Freethinker...that was great..LOL...shoot...now I can't post it. You already told it!....LOL...ROFLOL
    Joe said...
    Hey! That "freethinker's" joke was pretty good!

    I liked the one about the aligators (or was it about politicians?).
    Ballpoint Wren said...
    Wah! I'm rolling on the ground here! Gassers, alligators and heretic scum, all in one post!

Post a Comment