Thursday, February 09, 2006

YAHOO IT'S THURSDAY!

Why am I excited you ask?...What has created this outburst of jockularity?...Where does this festive spirt come from?

Uh, oh...I don't know...LOL..just waking up in the morning tends to bring on these moods. To put it in perspective...My Grandma went to sleep one night in 1971. Never woke up again. Ruined the whole rest of her life...

Not that she didn't get a new life with the Lord...but the one here on this plane sorta' flatlined. So every morning that I wake up, is a Thank You Jesus moment!

Okay...I've been had! Yes me...Moi...the picture of the shark attacking the helicopter is a fake!! Yes, false, madeup, bogus, a James Frey moment...LOL..I have been really good about not mentioning him!

Here's the link on Snopes, so you can check it out. I love that site. I use it quite often, but I've had that picture for a year or so and never thought to check it out.

Shark Attack


Let's see what I have that's worth a good laugh!



During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day.

He went up to the bartender and said, "Bartender, I'd like to buy the house a round of drinks."

The bartender said, "That's fine, but we're in the middle of the Depression, so I'll need to see some money first."

The guy pulled out a huge wad of bills and set them on the bar.

The bartender can't believe what he's seeing. "Where did you get all that money?" asked the bartender.

"I'm a professional gambler," replied the man.

The bartender said, "There's no such thing! I mean, your odds are fifty-fifty at best, right?"

"Well, I only bet on sure things," said the guy.

"Like what?" asked the bartender.

"Well, for example, I'll bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right eye," he said.

The bartender thought about it. "Okay," he said.

So, the guy pulled out his false right eye and bit it.

"Aw, you messed with me," said the bartender, and paid the guy his $50.

"I'll give you another chance. I'll bet you another fifty dollars that I can bite my left eye," said the stranger.

The bartender thought again and said, "Well, I know you're not blind, I mean, I watched you walk in here. I'll take that bet."

So, the guy pulled out his false teeth and bit his left eye.

"Aw, you messed with me again!" protested the bartender.

"That's how I win so much money, bartender. I'll just take a bottle of your best scotch in lieu of the fifty dollars," said the man.

With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part of the night playing cards with some of the locals. After many hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar.

Drunk as a skunk, he said, "Bartender, I'll give you one last chance. I'll bet you five hundred dollars that I can stand on this bar on one foot and pee into that whiskey bottle on that shelf behind you without spilling a drop."

The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy couldn't even stand up straight on two feet, much less one. "Okay, you're on," he said.

The guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began peeing all over the place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not a drop made it into the whiskey bottle.

The bartender was ecstatic. Laughing, the bartender said, "Hey pal, you owe me five hundred dollars!"

The guy climbed down off the bar and said, "That's okay. I just bet each of the guys in the card room a thousand bucks each that I could pee all over you and the bar and still make you laugh!"

The Thought of The Day


....Every morning is the dawn of a new error...

12 Comments:

  1. M. C. Pearson said...
    Very gross but also wickedly funny. Yikes...um...yeah...yikes!

    Can't believe the shark is a fake. MAN! That just bums me out.
    M. C. Pearson said...
    Oh, and love what you wrote about your Grandma. Yes, we need to appreciate every second God gives us.

    CARPE DEUM! (or DIEM? I can't spell but you know what I mean, right?)
    Kat said...
    thanks for the laughs - again! glad the shark is fake!!! since we are moving to FL and my honey LOVES the ocean, i have to get used to the idea of swimming with all the fish in the sea... have to admit, it's not that appealing. definitely NOT a water-baby :)
    Sandra Ruttan said...
    Great joke! Could have been a stinky situation...
    Dennie McDonald said...
    You have a wicked sense of humor!

    Did you just coin a new phrase James Frye moment - poor guy - NOT

    I hope your mood is contegious - I need something stronger than coffee today - LOL
    Donny said...
    well i wish the shark picture was real. that would have been better than being in a padded room with spring loaded shoes.
    Ric said...
    Darn. I fell for it.

    But then, I'm 600 miles from the nearest ocean so I tend not to think about sharks all that much.

    Seize the Day - by its throat and shake it til you've killed that sucker.
    Bonnie Calhoun said...
    Mimi...I think it's diem...say that three times fast...LOL

    I dunno, Kat..I haven't been in the ocean since Jaws...I keep hearing that music...LOL

    Oh, Sandra...ewwwhhh...LOL

    Yes, Dennie I did! Hey...I coined a phrase!!!

    Hey, Donnie...there you are...we thought you were lost in blogland!

    Don't worry ric, I fell for it too...now I hear the other one with the surfer was a picture of a dolphin, not a shark ~sigh~...what's the world coming to when you can't even trust a picture that you got by e-mail!!LOL
    Ballpoint Wren said...
    Ha!

    The boys and Hubby say this joke is real winner. Squirt took notes! You are now recognized as a source of quality material in our lunch bag set.
    Bonnie Calhoun said...
    Uh, Ballpoint...the boys took that joke to school???? Whew, I'm glad I cleaned it up!! Yikes! LOL
    The Curmudgeon's Rant said...
    It's another today, thank you Jesus!
    Bonnie Calhoun said...
    AMEN to that!

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