Saturday, April 22, 2006

Ears to Hear and ...IRS Genie

Hey....it's Saturday...and I'm still awake...Yikes...I'm going to miss the whole day trying to catch up on the sleep I'm missing.

Well Blogger is being a poop, and won't let me upload the next picture series that I want to share. So I'll have to do it tomorrow...yea right....Saturday is always a banner day for Blogger blowups...but I'll try!

Here's another funny that I grabbed from Sandra...it was just to cute to pass up!

Little Johnny's neighbors had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears.

When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnny's family was invited over to see the baby. Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears.

His dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word "ears" he would get the spanking of his life when they came back home.

Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely.

When Johnny looked in the crib he said, "What a beautiful baby."

The mother said, "Why, thank you, little Johnny."

Johnny said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes." "Can he see?" asked little Johnny.

"Yes," the mother replied, "We are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision."

"That's great," said little Johnny, "cuz he'd be crap outta luck if he needed glasses."


And one of my favorites:


A man has spent many days crossing the desert without water. His camel dies of thirst. He's crawling through the sands, certain that he has breathed his last, when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him.

He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks to be an old brief case.

He opens it and out pops a genie. But this is no ordinary genie. He is wearing an IRS ID badge and dull gray suit. There's a calculator in his pocket. He has a pencil tucked behind one ear.

"Well, kid," says the genie. "You know how it works. You have three wishes."

"I'm not falling for this." Says the man. "I'm not going to trust an IRS auditor."

"What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation, and it looks like you're a goner anyway!"

The man thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right. "OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plentiful food and drink."

***POOF***

The man finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen. And he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.

"OK, kid, what's your second wish."

"My second wish is that I were rich beyond my wildest dreams."

***POOF***

The man finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems.

"OK, kid, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!"

After thinking for a few minutes, the man says "I wish that no matter where I go beautiful women will want and need me."

***POOF***

He is turned into a tampon.

The moral of the story...

If the government offers you anything, there's going to be a string attached!

9 Comments:

  1. Bernita said...
    They never think to ask for 3 more wishes...
    James Goodman said...
    lol, I am so going to relay that joke this weekend.
    Dennie McDonald said...
    glad I held off on taking a sip of coffe til I finished the read...
    Gordon Cloud said...
    This is hilarious!
    Sandra Ruttan said...
    LOL Bonnie!
    Joe said...
    String attached...string attached...Oh yeah! I get it!

    I'm a little slow.

    See, I never use.......
    The Curmudgeon's Rant said...
    A string attached... argh. lol
    M. C. Pearson said...
    Those were gems! Ha! Tampon...string attached. Oh my. Too funny.
    Rulan said...
    Crazy man, crazy. lol

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