Saturday, April 01, 2006

Old Age....and Maxine

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a
fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted,
gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

--- Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure."

--- The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.

--- Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and
asked, "How o! ld was your husband?" "98," she replied. "Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?

--- I've sure gotten old.! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees. Fought
prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with Dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But,... thank God, I still have my driver's license.

--- An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over WALMart. "WalMart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why WalMart?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week."

---My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

--- Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

---I've still got it, but nobody wants to see it.

---I'm getting into swing dancing. Not on purpose. Some parts of my body are just prone to swinging.

---It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.

---These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."

---I've tried to find a suitable exercise video for women my age, but they haven't made one called "Buns of Putty."

---Don't think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of it as your inner child playing with matches.

---Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up.!

--- Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing.

- --THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

Now, I think you're supposed to send this to 5 or 6, maybe 10. Oh heck, send it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who they are.


9 Comments:

  1. Sandra Ruttan said...
    Happy April Fool's Day - though I see you've posted a lot of funny but true stuff today.

    Sadly.
    M. C. Pearson said...
    Very cute Bonn Bonn...yep...SHE'S BAAAAAAACK!
    Ballpoint Wren said...
    Hooray! Mimi's back!

    That twisting into the leotard thing sounds just like me trying to get into my wetsuit.
    Bernita said...
    One for Ric, Bonnie.
    One thing about old age is forgetting to pull your zipper up - but it's worse when you forget to pull it down...
    Crystal said...
    I liked the wal-mart and buns of putty! And Bernita, that was funny too!
    Dennie McDonald said...
    Old age... I've heard tell of it... but not so familiar ... My friends (most w/ kids my age) say I only have one more year on cracking jokes about their ages - I better use 'em up fast!
    Gordon Cloud said...
    These are really funny, Bonnie.
    Dana Y. T. Lin said...
    "I've still got it, but nobody wants to see it."

    Oh, dear, I so resemble that statement!
    Bonnie Calhoun said...
    Huh...who am I? Where am I?...what old age...I resemble that remark...LOL

    Believe me, I know the feeling!

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