Monday, April 24, 2006

Southern Etiquette and Duck Baby Down

Good Monday morning *sigh* the weekend went way too fast! Hey...you'll see an addition to the blogs I visit. The latest addition is a political blog called The Heart of the Matter by Barry Eisler. I highly recommend it for the politically oriented!

And now for a real funny sent to me in an email from a girlfriend living in South Carolina...thanks Sugar Babe....Yea! That's really her name!


In General...
1. Always identify people in your yard before shooting them.
2. It is considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
3. If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.
4. Even if you're certain that you're included in the will, it's rude to drive a U-haul to the funeral.

Entertaining in your home
1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.

Personal Hygiene
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this job should be done in private using one's own truck keys.
2. Even if you live alone, deodorant is not a waste of money.
3. Use of proper toiletries can only delay bathing for a few days.
4. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to distract from a woman's jewelry, and alter the taste of finger foods.

Dating (outside the family)
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
2. Be assertive, Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you ever since I read that stuff on the bathroom walls two years ago."
3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM. Others might say "Monday," If the latter is the answer; it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.

Theater Etiquette
1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended.
2. Refrain from talking to the characters on the screen.. Tests have proven that they can't hear you.

Weddings
1. Livestock usually is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds might get you shot.
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.
4. Though uncomfortable, say 'yes' to socks! and shoes for this special occasion.

Driving Etiquette
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight. 2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires does not always have the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer too.
5. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.



"Watch out Ma! That first step is a doosey!"

6 Comments:

  1. jel said...
    LOL! those were keepers! :)

    morning Bonnie
    Maxine said...
    ggeHello Bonnie
    Thanks for the pointer to Barry Eisner's blog, I've signed up -- I don't like political blogs on the whole but his looks thoughtful. As usual, your comments are the voice of reason! (Haven't any of those guys and gals heard of the UN?).

    I love your posting on the etiquette, and adore the cute little pic. I will send the pic (but not the post!) to my little girl.

    Take care, and thank you as ever for putting smiles into my day.
    Dennie McDonald said...
    DUCK! sorry - couldn't help myself - mustv'e been the lack of sleep...
    Bonnie Calhoun said...
    Oh...Jel...there you are...glad to see that your not Missing In Action!

    Maxine...you're welcome...I'm finding a lopsided rhetoric, but I'm hanging in because i love discussing politics.

    Dennie..you're funny...wait till you see the rest of the pics!
    Mike ( ex scientia, veritas ) said...
    These are a hoot! Thanx for the laugh - I stopped by via Dana. :)
    Debrand said...
    Bonnie,
    You have to STOP posting my life on your blog! Give me a break.

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