Friday, December 30, 2005

QUESTIONS???--#2

Sheesh, I got another question in my e-mail...Tell me now, do I look like Oprah!

On second though, don't answer that! That particular line of rhetoric caused a civil war in Snarkland a few months ago.

Okay let's finish up with yesterday. My dear friend M.G. informed me by way of comment that Hindsight is Women's Contemporary Humor cause the protagonist is 32. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but I know 32 year old women would love to be called 'chicks', especially if they tell the truth about their age.....Okayyyy...on to the next subject before I get in trouble.

Another good friend, Dennie has a penchant for being first...well she better get her little butt over here and be the first to comment. She's probably sitting outside this window, in the cold, in the dark, waiting for me to come with the keys and let her in...Okay, I'm getting carried away, but she likes being on time.

My Dad was really anal retentive about...WHAT??...don't look at me like that, it's a real word...yes it is...look it up! Anyhow...like Dennie, if he wasn't fifteen minutes early, he considered himself late! He even lined us up at the bathroom a half an hour early so that we didn't hold him up.

Now, come on! Kids, bathrooms....what's the odds of them needing to go in another half hour...that's the part that would send him into apoplectic seizure...Oh, geez...I just realized I called Dennie, anal retentive....SORRY DENNIE!!mea cupa, mea cupa!! I'd better move on!

Sweet, sweet Andrea informed me that she was not as super human as I thought. She wasn't actually making lunches at 6AM, she was in fact in the grocery store buying the fixin's at 6AM....after her bike spin class.....AFTER....6AM...God give me strength!

That's not right that someone should be up exercising at that ungodly hour! This woman is superhuman! I think she's going to give us ordinary women a bad name. We're going to be expected to keep up! Go over and look at the post behind her name. That's a 23 line, two day schedule....and there's time in there for sleep...(shaking my head...can you see me?)

Okay...drum roll please...so pretend!

I don't know if this is a real or fake question, but it did come up after I commented on another Blog belonging to my Christian radio worker friend, Joe Scoggins. He's got a sweet wife named Bonnie. I don't know, I'm just partial to that name...no, your not...yes, I am...go back to sleep!

The question is: How do YOU people read the Bible, and do you really understand what you read? I can never understand any of it!

Okay, the 'YOU' people made me immediately think that this person is not a Christian. (If I am mistaken E-mail me back and we'll discuss it!)

I would say that yes, I read the Bible daily. Yes, I understand what I'm reading. You see, being a Christian is like being in a secret club. When we accept Jesus, the Holy Spirit comes to live in us and help us to interpret what we read. No foolin'...the Bible tells us, that we understand because the Holy spirit guides us!

Now that's the end of Bonnie, the Bible study teacher. Here comes that other Bonnie that I just told to shut up and go to sleep!

The Bible is God's letter to Believers! Yo! What are you doing reading somebody elses mail...that's a Federal offense!

*************


This is the transcript of an ACTUAL radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995.

Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

Canadians: We are a lighthouse. Your call.

16 Comments:

  1. M. G. Tarquini said...
    hehe. I've heard that joke, but it was Brits and Canadians. Um...I've read the Bible. I understood it. It's in English, right? Or did I miss something?

    Ever notice how much of Chick Lit involves the gals having to get over their crisis or whatever before they are THIRTY? Like when you turn THIRTY something happens, maturity or something. Not certain. Chick Lit just seems more career oriented, ladder rising, worrying about lipstick color than women's contemporary humor. So it doesn't reallly fit my book.

    I was this incredible clothes horse until I was 25 - scads of shoes and bags and dresses and skirts and jackets and...you name, it owned it. then one day, i thought - Wow! this is an awful waste of a paycheck. So I went back to school again.

    Anyway - every description I read on chick lit book jackets has things like gals deciding they have to climb the Matterhorn because they turn - OMG! THIRTY in six months. That's not my protag's problem.

    Here's what I did on my thirtieth birthday. I threw things at my husband who had planned a really nice evening. I threw things because I wasn't OMG! in my twenties anymore.

    Here's what I did on my fortieth birthday. Went out and had a great time because I felt like a damned fool for ever being upset at turning THIRTY. I knew that one day I'd turn FIFTY and FORTY would look like really really young to me.

    It's all relative. So, women's contemporary humor because I think the book has a broader audience and a story that women from their twenties to my mother's age (76) can enjoy.

    Which is the really long way of saying - yes, it's women's contemporary humor.
    M. C. Pearson said...
    Wow, Bonnie...I did not realize you talk to yourself...two Bonnies in there? I love 'em both anyhow. Fun post babe--er babes?
    Bonnie Calhoun said...
    I keep telling them to shutup, and they keep telling me....well never mind what they keep telling me!

    Hey M.G. I resemble that remark! I'm 55!
    Dana Y. T. Lin said...
    M.G., that's the thing, the Bible isn't written in English. It's written in Hebrew, Aramaic, and Greek - all non-european writers. Many of the early translations to English were based on Latin translations, not the original - but many English versions now use the original texts.

    And we know how awful translations can be, right? I remember trying to study the Bible in Chinese. It made more sense in Chinese than in English. I think because the culture is more similar to the asian culture than the european culture... maybe that's why it's more confusing in English???

    And Bonnie, I always thought the Bible to be more of a sad love story between God and mankind.
    Bonnie Calhoun said...
    Dana , it's always better to use a translation in your native language. That's why it is translated into so many languages. I have American friends who are teachers in China. Many things do not translate well!

    And the Bible is anything but a sad love story.

    It is a story of jubulation, because our Redeemer lives! :-)
    Bernita said...
    Bonnie, that story about the lighthouse and the ship is an urban myth.
    Cute though.
    Dennie McDonald said...
    Oh man am I slacking or what - I cannot compete w/ a 2 am comment- sorry - dead asleep then =)
    Dennie McDonald said...
    Me anal retentive - I will totally own up to that! Ask my kids they even at a young age know the word as I am called it often! Not such a bad thing; at least with me everyone knows where I am in things! front of the line! (if someone has unlocked the door) =)
    An Ordinary Christian said...
    Bonnie, You are a crack-up. LUNCHABLES are already pre-prepared boxes of lunches - like going through the drive through line at the grocery store. I am not superhuman, but I enjoy the compliment, but really, I am ordinary. I went to bed at 8 AM last night and skipped my class at the gym for 5:30 this AM. I am, just so I know, not trying or striving to be superhuman. I enjoy doing things. I do want God to use me, but mostly I want to enjoy Him in a relationship with Him. I am struggling to get through this life like everyone else and go to be with my Father when the work on earth is done. Am I defensive? I am, because I really do struggle with pride, and it's okay that you joke around with me, and it is nice that you compliment me, and I like it. However, I can not actually view myself as anything other than a broken vessel.
    Bonnie Calhoun said...
    Bernita, oh I didn't know it had made it to ubran myth fame, I just thought it was a cute joke!

    Dennie....oh no...you too! Ha, ha...me too...Mom always says, I take after my Dad. We all knew what she meant!

    Anything but Ordinary Andrea, you are such a precious soul! You keep thinking the way you do, and people like me can continue to marvel at you, and that way your head will always fit through the doorway. you are tryly an example of God's grace!
    The Curmudgeon's Rant said...
    I need to speak to the "other-Bonnie"...

    Do you also prefer "Bonnie", or is it "Ophra" or just "Chick"?

    How many of you are in there?

    You better not answer in a deep voice or spew pea soup from your snoot.

    I'm scared... Ok, I want the REAL Bonnie now.
    Bonnie Calhoun said...
    {mauh, ha, ha} The real Bonnie can't come out to play because she's out being bad on other Blogs!

    I don't know about Ophra, but Oprah is lookin' for you! LOL

    And we don't know how many are in here. It depends on how much trouble I get myself into. LOL
    M. G. Tarquini said...
    Ophra is Oprah's little-talked-about twin sister.
    Joe said...
    Bonnie, please don't put yourself down with comparisons to Oprah or her little sister.
    Stranger in a Strange Land said...
    In all the war games I ever played, land mass trumped ship every time.
    Bonnie Calhoun said...
    Hey, I know that cucumber! Hi Dave!

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