Friday, December 23, 2005

Thinking of you all at this most joyous CHRISTmas season!!!!

Especially Bernita, my dear sweet pixie Mimi and now, my newly dyed brunette friend Dennie!

"Joy to the World"...oh, right...Oh, Joy, I've been tagged! She wants five random weird things about me...pick five from the list!

I want to extend this thanks to ALL of my wonderful friends who have brought so much JOY into my life by sending me e-mail chain letters and now...tagging me with the Blog equivalent of a chain letter. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.

Because of your concern...

1. I no longer can drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

2. I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

3. I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

4. I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

5. I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

6. I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

7. I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

8. I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our troops.

9. I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a stupid number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

10. I no longer eat prepackaged foods because the estrogens they contain will turn me gay.

11. I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

12. I no longer go to bars because someone will drug me and take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

13. Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an email to 7 of my friends and make a wish within 5 minutes.

14. I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who has been dying for the past seven years.

15. I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I will now return the favor.

If you don't send this post to at least 1200 people in the next 60 seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will fly over your head at 5:00pm and the fleas of a thousand camels will infest...., well, you get the picture.

I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of a friend of a friend's neighbor's cousin, and he's a lawyer.

Merry CHRISTmas!

And by the way, I just can't bring myself to do this to anyone! So from me...you're all off the hook! Joy to the world!

7 Comments:

  1. Dennie McDonald said...
    I'm sorry - I am soooo soooo sorry - though laughing profusly!
    Dennie McDonald said...
    And it's Auburn - not brunette - Auburn =)
    Bonnie Calhoun said...
    Okay Auburn girl, that I still haven't seen the back.....yea, right....you're sorry, sooooo sorry, righttttt!
    M. G. Tarquini said...
    2. I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

    Why would you put 'under God' on a can of soda?

    Okay, Bonnie, this is so funny, that I am putting you on my link list. Because there isn't enough humor in this world.
    M. C. Pearson said...
    Okay, I've done my tag too. You are notably mentioned.
    Live, Love, Laugh said...
    now, now, is that nice? lol!!!
    Bernita said...
    Love you, Bonnie.
    You are joy.

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