Saturday, December 31, 2005

EMAIL ALERTS!!!!

Okay here it comes...my stupid e-mail rant! No...me, myself and I are not stupid...but the e-mail was laughably stupid.

This didn't come in, as in the form of a question, but as one of the regular and mainly misplaced alerts that my friends seem so hell-bent on foisting on the unsuspecting population of North America. It is no wonder that the rest of the world thinks Americans are idiots!

But I digress...the email alerted me in this fashion:

Someone told me last week that hanging a CD in the windscreen can send police radar guns crazy, thus avoiding a reading. Since hearing this I've noticed a few truckers with a line of CD's hanging across the bottom of the windscreen.

Okay, so what did I do after ROFLOL??? See, I've learned that when I get an e-mail from this particular friend (sorry A.A.) the first thing I do is set down anything that I am holding that has an inhaled projectile quality.

Next I went to some of my favorite urban myth sites. And low and behold that exact e-mail text was on the site. It also listed other methods bantered about as mercurial cures for being caught at speeding (ei. Breaking the law!) Remember, my daddy was a cop!

The list included:

1.) Hanging a compact disc from your car's rear view mirror (give me a break...I know people that have half their house dangling from the rearview mirror and it hasn't helped them!)

2.) Stash balls of tinfoil in your vehicle's hubcaps or wrap the hubcaps themselves with this material. ("Balls," she says as she looks out at the audience and smiles mischievously..) Bad Bonnie...bad Bonnie...go back to sleep! Anyhow this method is about as helpful as wearing a colander covered with tinfoil to keep the aliens from reading your mind!

3.) Festoon your jalopy's antenna with strips of tinfoil....Now this one must have been around for a while 'cause no one calls a car a jalopy any more. We have a whole generation that don't even know what a record player is, let alone a jalopy! Besides, many car antennas are in the back now, so unless the cop is trying to shoot you in the butt, that one wouldn't help even if it did work.

4.) Apply mylar strips to you chariot's license plate. Now that one might work except I don't remember any radar guns in Ben Hur...Although there was that blooper in the movie where one of the 'cast of thousands' raised his sword in a charge scene and there was a wrist watch on him....Ooops!...so much for authentic realism!

A episode of a show called Mythbusters that aired on Oct. 13, 2004 included hanging a disco ball from the rearview mirror, covering the car entirely with aluminum foil and painting the car with flat black paint to scatter the radar's laser beams. None worked.

Now I don't know about you...but even if something that...that...down bad Bonnie, down! Sigh...even if it worked who in the........would drive around in something that looked like that, other than maybe a John Travolta look-alike playing the 8-track tape of Saturday Night Fever??

Notice I didn't say CD...no because it's hanging off the tailpipe for added insurance...Sheesh!

Anyhow, the site goes on to say that outfitting ones auto with shiny things to render it invisible to police radar dates back to at least the 1980's and is common in both Canada and the U.S

NOW HERE'S ONE THAT YOU CAN TAKE SERIOUSLY!!!

If you receive an email entitled "Bedtimes" delete it IMMEDIATELY. Do not open it. Apparently this one is pretty nasty.

• It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer.

• It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards. It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR, and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play.

• It will program your phone auto dial to call only 0898 numbers.

• This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank.

• It will cause your toilet to flush while you are showering.

FOR GOD'S SAKE, ARE YOU LISTENING??

• It will leave dirty underwear on the coffee table when you are expecting company.

• It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine.

• If the "Bedtimes" message opened in a Windows 95/98 environment, it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub.

• It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows

• It will also refill your skim milk with whole milk.

WARN AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN.
Send this warning to everyone!!!.

ROFLOL....HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!


15 Comments:

  1. M. G. Tarquini said...
    This is so unfair. I can't laugh because it makes me cough and the coughing hurts so bad I think I'm going to crack a rib. So here I am laughing and coughing and blowing snot out my nose while I try to read this to my husband, who is laughing so hard he'll be useless to either:

    1) dial 911 when I pass out from lack of oxygen, or;
    2) administer CPR, nor remember what end of the stethoscope goes in his ears.

    This post has endangered my life. You'll be hearing from my lawyer.
    Dennie McDonald said...
    LOL!

    Happy New Year ~
    Bernita said...
    Happy New Year, dear heart.
    Joe said...
    I'm going to do my best to avoid that last one. It's too severe even for a myth.

    HAPPY NEW YEAR!
    Mirtika said...
    When they develop the computer virus that cleans your house up to a radius of 100 feet, please send me that one, okay?

    Mir
    http://mirathon.blogspot.com
    http://onceuponanovel.blogspot.com
    Bernita said...
    That aluminum stuff goes back to WW2 as a primitive means of confusing an equally primitive radar. It was called 'window" or "chaff" or something, and they would heave bundles of aluminum strips out of bomber bays to confuse the enemy radar.
    An Ordinary Christian said...
    I'm with Mirtika on this one!
    Stephen Newton said...
    Bonnie,
    Yes, I shot it with my video camera's still photo mode and used its telephoto lens to capture the osprey.

    HAPPY 2006!
    Ric said...
    Happy New Year!
    Needed that jolt of Bad Bonnie to get me moving this morning.

    Thanks.
    Lisa S. said...
    Hi! Another fan of Mythbusters and Snopes. I live for Snopes, my BS filter of choice and the Mythbuster guys are just plain funny... replacing my long gone "Junkyard Wars" for gadget based entertainment.

    Hope it's OK if I link to your blog from mine.

    And here's wishing you and yours a Blessed New Year!
    M. G. Tarquini said...
    I need to get a picture up on my blog. Seems to be the thing to do.

    I'll look for one from when I was in my twenties and had lots and lots more hair and lots and lots less butt.
    Jennifer said...
    You mean the foil-covered colander on my head doesn't work???
    Dana Y. T. Lin said...
    M.G. - Picture? I'm planning to steal a pic of either Lucy Liu or Lucy Lawless. Can't decide.

    fckzy: I won't go there.
    M. G. Tarquini said...
    Don't pick Lucy Liu, she's Miss Snark's nemesis. Go for one of those three Chinese actresses that are like in EVERY CHINESE MOVIE EVER MADE THESE DAYS>
    Dana Y. T. Lin said...
    M.G. - You mean either Michelle Yeo (she was a Bond girl), Yang Zi-Yi (sp?), or Kelly Hu???

    I'd go for Kelly Hu, but I don't think it'd be believable.

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