Monday, January 02, 2006

Hey, Hey, Hey, It's Monday

Well...Happy New Year all!

I hope it was safe and uneventful for all!

Okay, my friend Ric is always saying that I favor the opinion of the female of the species...well, duh..alrighty then....uh, oh...how did you get out...leave me alone...it's my turn!

So, folks, here are the Guys' Rules by men...for us women!

The Guys' Rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down Finally, the guys' side of the story.

We always hear "the rules"

From the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!

Please note.. these are all numbered "1"

ON PURPOSE!

1. Men ARE not mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one .

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not! A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will Be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine...Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can, to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can, to give them a bigger laugh

Thanks to my Pixie friend M.C. for the laughter...and believe me the women are in hysterics right now. I know, men everywhere are going, "What??"

Bad Bonnie, bad Bonnie....Ric, it's her, not me (pointing to the left)!


In case you can't read the caption it says:
"It takes 43 three to frown and 17 to smile.
But it doesn't take any to just sit there
with a dumb look on your face.

11 Comments:

  1. Stranger in a Strange Land said...
    Additions:

    1. Don't ask me to be honest and express my feelings and then expect me to lie about your mother.

    1. Don't ask me to cook unless you want frozen pizza.

    1. Don't ask me to dress the kids and then complain that they look like clowns. Maybe they like looking like clowns. Did you ever ask them???

    BTW, I've posted again.

    Mimi says 'HI!"
    M. G. Tarquini said...
    For the record:

    It's very bad feng shui to leave the toilet seat up. It should be down. So if money flows out of your bank account, faster than you can pee it in, and you are a man, it's because you are leaving that toilet seat up.

    That includes the cover, especially the cover. It has a cover for a reason. DID YOU EVER CONSIDER THAT?

    I mean, do you put the milk back in the fridge without recapping it? How about the peanut butter? The toothpaste? don't answer that.
    Dennie McDonald said...
    Good Morning Bonnie -

    Super great list - LOL!
    Kat said...
    i've seen this list before, but it never fails to make me laugh and laugh and laugh... if only i had had this list BEFORE i started dating. i had to learn all of these things the hard way :)
    Joe said...
    I would love to leave a comment, but I'm too busy laughing.

    BTW: Toilet seats should always be left in the up position. Period.

    They have covers so they can charge more for them at the discount toilet seat store.
    Joe said...
    Oh. And did you ever conceptualize a man getting up in the middle of the night to facilitate, stumbling along in the darkness into the bathroom and not knowing the cover was down due to darkness?

    An unpleasant thought.
    The Curmudgeon's Rant said...
    I can always count on you for a grin.
    Bonnie Calhoun said...
    Joe, that's why we women put those cute little bathroom rugs (ya' know the kind that have the cut out)around the toilet. You don't think it's for US, do you?
    Ric said...
    Okay, Okay, I've been a little busy.
    Bonnie posts and I don't even notice. I do try to come every day, promise.

    Very funny list and all too true. Toilet seats around this house, 3 boys, me and poor Mom. She just gave up.

    The color thing - I have a gallon of paint for my bedroom that says Linen on it - why do I keep thinking it is some sort of fabric?

    There is another list of Man Rules which is never to be passed on to the female side.
    One of them states: When asked to do something, like load the dishwasher, do it YOUR way. She will never ask again.
    Works for laundry, putting away clothes, groceries, making the bed, almost everything.

    Try it, Bonnie, you'll see.

    thanks for the belated laugh.
    Bernita said...
    Who gives a sweetdamn about the position of the toilet seat?
    Train yourself to check first.
    Simple.
    A Human Bean said...
    Ditto.

    Also Ditto to Dave.

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