Thursday, January 12, 2006

THE PHOTOGRAPHER

The Jones's were unable to conceive children, and elected to use a surrogate father to start their family.

On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Jones kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon."

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning madam. I've come to..."

"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Jones cut in.

"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a specialty of babies."

"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat." After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"

"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread out!"

"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me."

"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."

"My, that's a lot of. . . " gasped Mrs. Jones.

"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure."

"Don't I know it," Mrs. Jones said quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London."

"Oh my God!!" Mrs. Jones exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.

"And these twins turned out exceptionally well when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."

"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Jones.

"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look."

"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Jones, eyes widened in amazement.

"Yes", the photographer said. "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate. Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."

Mrs. Jones leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on your ...equipment?"

"That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we can get to work."

"Tripod?"

"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold very long. Madam? Madam?... Good Lord, she's fainted!"



In Case You Can't Read The Caption:

When People Are Free To Do As They Please

They Usually Imitate One Another

9 Comments:

  1. The Curmudgeon's Rant said...
    Where do you come up with this stuff? Funny stuff!
    Live, Love, Laugh said...
    Bonnie you are a hoot!!! I love this site!!!!
    Bernita said...
    ~gasping~
    This is the best modern version of that joke I've read.
    Dennie McDonald said...
    OMY MY!

    I can think of so many things to say - but um - I shall keep it to myslef =)
    Ric said...
    Now I know why my brother decided to take up photography.
    M. G. Tarquini said...
    oh dear.
    Dana Y. T. Lin said...
    You know I've those photographers come to my house once, but I never had THIS much fun.
    Eddo said...
    my mom said you were a "Must Read" - she was right!
    Bonnie Calhoun said...
    Hey, Eddo! Glad to have ya'! Dana is very cool and a great role model!

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