Thanks to my friend Brenda Coulter for this link to M-Law. It is Michigan's Lawsuit Abuse Watch.

Brenda was kind enough to warn me, so I'll warn you...PUT DOWN THE CUP OF COFFEE AND STEP AWAY FROM THE YOUGART!!!

A label on a baby stroller warns: “Remove child before folding." Hey, folded babys always store easier!

A brass fishing lure with a three-pronged hook on the end warns: “Harmful if swallowed. Yea think!

A popular scooter for children warns: "This product moves when used." Well, shoot...does it go left or right?

A nine-by-three inch bag of air used as packing material cautions: "Do not use this product as a toy, pillow, or flotation device." Well' I was going out to sea on it!

A flushable toilet brush warns: "Do not use for personal hygiene." Yea, those things can really leave a brush burn!

The label on an electric hand blender promoted for use in "blending, whipping, chopping and dicing," warns: "Never remove food or other items from the blades while the product is operating." Can you say...Blood pudding!

A digital thermometer that can be used to take a person's temperature several different ways warns: "Once used rectally, the thermometer should not be used orally." Ya, know...anybody that needs to be told that deserves a mouthful....bad Bonnie...never mind!

A household iron warns users: “Never iron clothes while they are being worn” As apposed to ironing your hair while it's on your head. Don't laugh that used to be popular!

A label on a hair dryer reads, “Never use hair dryer while sleeping” Why not, women are always accused of doing things while their asleep!

A warning on an electric drill made for carpenters cautions: “This product not intended for use as a dental drill.” That depends on whether you pay your dental bills on time!

The label on a bottle of drain cleaner warns: “If you do not understand, or cannot read, all directions, cautions and warnings, do not use this product.” Does that also include the ten syllable chemical words?

A smoke detector warns: “Do not use the Silence Feature in emergency situations. It will not extinguish a fire.” An if it's noisey, it will? I get it...just Shout it out!

A massage chair warns: “DO NOT use massage chair without clothing... and, Never force any body part into the backrest area while the rollers are moving.” Please do not make me go there! My Pastor reads this sometimes!

A cardboard car sunshield that keeps sun off the dashboard warns, “Do not drive with sunshield in place” Hey, ma look at me, pin the tail of the pedestrian!

An “Aim-n-Flame” fireplace lighter cautions, “Do not use near fire, flame or sparks” No, stick it in your mouth!

A label on a hand-held massager advises consumers not to use “while sleeping or unconscious” Huh, uh...not touching it!

A 12-inch rack for storing compact disks warns: “Do not use as a ladder.” A little Pixie ladder!

A cartridge for a laser printer warns, “Do not eat toner” No, save the toner for later, eat the cartridge, much more ruffage!

A 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow warns: “Not intended for highway use” Just city streets!

A can of self-defense pepper spray warns users: “May irritate eyes” So wear safety glasses!

A warning on a pair of shin guards manufactured for bicyclists says: “Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover.” Ya, know, it's a wonder we haven't been invaded by the Huns!

A snowblower warns: “Do not use snowthrower on roof.” I actually know a Nitwit that did this, and wound up in his living room!

A dishwasher carries this warning: “Do not allow children to play in the dishwasher.” Yea, they need a lot of waterspot remover!

A popular manufactured fireplace log warns: “Caution - Risk of Fire” Ya, think?

A box of birthday cake candles says: “DO NOT use soft wax as ear plugs or for any other function that involves insertion into a body cavity.” Not, going to touch it...no I'm not!