Wednesday, January 25, 2006

I'VE BEEN TAGGED...GRR!

Well, well, well, my FRIEND Steve has lain himself on the pyre of flaming keyboards, as the sacrificial goat of taggers the world over, in being brave enough (that's not really the word I'd use, but I'm being nice...weird...huh?) to tag ME for five things that my friends might find weird!!!!

1.)That I absolutely, unequivocally HATE to be tagged, and with maniacal glee will eviscerate any soul who deems themselves brave enough to try.

2.)That I would like to hotwire the keyboards of taggers to deliver electrical shocks every time they even think about passing on the dirty deed to some unexpecting soul.

3.)That I hope the Bird of Paradise will crap on the birthday cakes of the aforementioned taggers, and that the fleas of a thousand camels will come to rest in their....uh nevermind...you get the drift!

4.)That I am appalled that anyone in the free world could have missed this post...
(see my post on 10/21/05)!

5.)That this rant makes me feel absolutely FABULOUS and right now I'm doing the "Happy PeePee Dance"....thank you Steve!

Will I pass on the pain?....Not on your life....I tap you all with my wand...click your heels together three times and say, "There's no place safer than home!"

Go and be happy my children!

Now for the Joke of the Day!

Things to do at Walmart while your spouse/partner is taking their sweet time:

The shout-out for this goes to Dee over at Fuzz Bunnies Nest.

I laughed so hard, I cried!!!!

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell them "Code 3 in Housewares" and see what they do.

5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are. (Our Walmart doesn't sell guns, but they got knives!)

11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!"

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"

And, last, but not least!

15. Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait awhile; and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

10 Comments:

  1. M. C. Pearson said...
    Yes, I have been zapped by the Bonnie monster on the two occations I TRIED to tag her. I like the tags...I think they are a fun way to get to know a person. You, Bonnie, I now know I will never let near anything electrical when we finally do meet. No shocks PLEASE!

    I saw Dee's Wal-mart post...hysterical.
    M. G. Tarquini said...
    These are FUNNY. Some of them will get you arrested though. I like the one about the alarm clocks.

    Tagging people is like sending chain letters. Y'know?
    nessili said...
    Where did you get that head-bonking icon-thingy?! I want one!!

    The Wal-mart thing was a hoot. My husband likes to go through and start all ten billion of the singing Santas (or whatever electronic talking toy is nearby) going at the same time. Probably 'bout the same level of annoyance as the alarm clocks.

    And let's just say the last one actually happened to me when I worked at Target. Except the culprit didn't say anything...
    Bernita said...
    Did you know that men can spew coffee further than women?
    Dennie McDonald said...
    I am laughing hysterically - I am in Wal-mart at least - I kid you not - four times a week - with 4 boys and 2 dogs - you tend to need to shop A LOT! I don't think I can do it with a straight face anymore - LOL

    And your tag wasn't fair - I think we ALL (with obviously) the exception of Steve knew that about you =)
    Eve said...
    Dennie sent me over - this is just a hoot and a holler! (that's Texan for laughing out loud) I'm going to Walmart on Sunday and I just might have to put a couple of condom boxes in the carts of elderly ladies - that would be fun.
    Stephen Newton said...
    Bonnie, I'm sorry for the tag and thanks for letting me know it's one of your pet peeves. I can understand that they could be annoying. Also appreciate your perspective about my friend Diane's movie Bring Them Home. I hope you take a look at it even if you don't agree with it's premise. There were a number of veterans like yourself in it and one former marine in particular that felt very strongly that the troops need to come home.

    I enjoyed the Wal Mart joke.
    Dana Y. T. Lin said...
    kw#13 is hilarious, and #15 is just gross.

    This beats having to edit, though. =)
    Jennifer said...
    #13 and #15 had me rolling on the floor! I can't wait to go to Walmart now so I can do those.

    And thanks for warning me about the tagging thing!
    Ballpoint Wren said...
    Bonnie, I tried to do it like you do, just make my blog A Meme Free Zone. But then I thought I could make it A Just One Meme a Year Zone.

    Now I'm not Copying Bonnie C. I'm Paraphrasing Her, instead!

    I do see their appeal on one level: when it's a slow news day!

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