Monday, June 12, 2006

Mistaken Speech

Good Monday morning! This weekend I ran into two actual examples of wrongly comprehended speech...LOL!

They were the kind that give you an instant brain freeze! Especially the kind that make you go...huh, say what! It seemed totally appropriate that I found two similar jokes...LOL...Now you'll know how I felt, without giving away the actual perpetrators!

A very modest lady applied for a job at the factory where they made "Tickle Me Elmo" dolls.

It was Friday and almost quitting time, and hurriedly the boss told her to to report for work on Monday. He quickly explained to her she would be stationed on the assembly line just before the dolls were packed into boxes.

On Monday they started up the line and within twenty minutes had to shut down because one worker couldn't keep up. The boss went down the line to find the problem.

The new employee was very busy trying to do her part but she had a bunch of dolls waiting for her. Closer examination showed she was sewing little cloth bags containing two walnuts in the appropriate place on the dolls.

The boss could not control his laughter and said, "Lady, I said to give each doll Two-----Test-----Tickles."

And my personal favorite...trust me, if you've ever been a nurse, you know what I'm talking about!

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour, surgical procedure.

A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"

Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers.

She raises his gown, holds his equipment in one hand and his other equipment in the other hand, lifting and moving them around.

Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir!!"

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely... A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?"

6 Comments:

  1. Bernita said...
    ~shriek~
    Ric said...
    giggle, giggle
    The Curmudgeon's Rant said...
    I can always count on you to make me crack a smile.

    Hey, I saw your name a few lines above mine on the audition results, over at Brandilyn’s blog.

    Congrats!
    Shelley said...
    ROFL!!! Those were funny!
    Rulan said...
    he he. chuckle. Funny.

    Hey, congrats for the audition results.
    Jayleigh said...
    ooooooh my word! haha

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