Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Hump Day and Housekeeping

I don't know where the week went, but it's Hump Day already!

Hey go check out my friend Frank Wilson! His blog is called Books, Inq. That's quite appropriate since he's the Book Review Editor at the Philadelphia Inquirer! Frank's also listed on my blogroll to the left! Lots of good reading over there!

Here's a really cool limerick that I pulled off a new blog that I found (through Frank's blog) called First Things.

The Devil, who plays a large part,
Has tricked his way into your heart
By simple insistence
On his non-existence,
Which really is devilish smart.

Well I spent Memorial Day helping my girlfriend clean her fishpond. I hurt in places I don't remember having! We moved 1400 gallons of water! Here's a sample of the fun. Take note, Bonnie and I...yes her name is Bonnie also...I'm not in identity crisis mode...are in the pond working. While her Pastor takes the pictures!

And not that we're not joke's one from my friend Sandra over at Spinetingler Magazine. Go check out her mag...the stories are awesome and a few of my blogging buddies write for it!

Rules of Housekeeping

1. Vacuuming too often weakens the carpet fibers. Say this with a serious face, and shudder delicately whenever anyone mentions Carpet Fresh.

2. Dust bunnies cannot evolve into dust rhinos when disturbed. Rename the area under the couch "The Galapagos Islands" and claim an ecological exemption.

3. Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide a helpful filter against harmful and aging rays from the sun. Call it an SPF factor of 5 and leave it alone.

4. Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduces the glare from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If your spouse points out that the light fixtures need dusting, simply look affronted and exclaim, "What? And spoil the mood?"

5. In a pinch, you can always claim that the haphazard tower of unread magazines and newspapers next to your chair provides the valuable Feng Shui aspect of a tiger, thereby reducing your vulnerability. Roll your eyes when you say this.

6. Explain the mound of pet hair brushed up against the doorways by claiming you are collecting it there to use for stuffing handsewn play animals for underprivileged children.

7. If unexpected company is coming, pile everything unsightly into one room and close the door. As you show your guests through your tidy home, rattle the door knob vigorously, fake a growl and say, "I'd love you to see our Den, but Fluffy hates to be disturbed and the shots are SO expensive."

8. If dusting is REALLY out of control, simply place a showy urn on the coffee table and insist that "THIS is where Grandma wanted us to scatter her ashes..."

9. Don't bother repainting. Simply scribble lightly over a dirty wall with an assortment of crayons, and try to muster a glint of tears as you say, "Junior did this the week before that unspeakable accident...I haven't had the heart to clean it..."

10. Mix one-quarter cup pine-scented household cleaner with four cups of water in a spray bottle. Mist the air lightly. Leave dampened rags in conspicuous locations. Develop an exhausted look, throw yourself onto the couch, and sigh, "I clean and I clean and I still don't get anywhere..."


  1. Bernita said...
    Figures. You two are working and HE takes pictures.
    And that's my house you're talking about.
    Sandra Ruttan said...
    It's like you've summed up my philosophy on housecleaning.
    M. C. Pearson said...
    I love number 10! Ha. I needed a good laugh...and it is nice to know that there are other real people in this world that do not use a white glove in other people's living quarters. Not mentioning know who I mean. The limrick was awesome too.
    Anonymous said...
    Enjoyed this post, Bonnie! You're a hoot! If I ever need helping cleaning my fish pond, I know who to call.

    Btw, I got your link added to my blogroll tonight. Catch you later, my friend!

    Denise McDonald said...
    oooh love the pic - I have a yard that needs work... If I send you a ticket to Texas.... naw ... I'll save the ticket for a BIG job!
    Anonymous said...
    Hehe Really looks funny though

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