Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Important Recall Notice

It's Wednesday, and all is well. The weather is balmy and the buds on the trees are growing. We're also under a flood watch from melting snow. Well...at least we made it to Hump Day...And I haven't been recalled...YET!

IMPORTANT- RECALL NOTICE
The Maker of all human beings is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to the serious defect in the primary and central component of the heart. This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype unit’s code name Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units. This defect has been technically termed, "Sub-sequential Internal Non-morality" - or more commonly known as SIN, as it is primarily expressed. Some other symptoms are as follows:

Loss of direction
Foul vocal emissions
Amnesia of origin
Lack of peace and joy
Selfish, or violent behavior
Depression or confusion in the mental component
Fearfulness
Idolatry
Rebellion

The Manufacturer, Who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is providing factory authorized repair and service free of charge to correct this SIN defect. The Repair technician, Jesus, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs. There is no additional fee required. The number to call for repair in all areas is: P-R-A-Y-E-R. Once connected, please upload your burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE procedure. Next, download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, Jesus, into the heart component. No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, the Jesus will replace it with:
Love
Joy
Peace
Patience
Kindness
Goodness
Faithfulness
Gentleness
Self-control

Please see the operating manual, HOLY BIBLE, for further details on the use of these fixes. As an added upgrade, the Manufacturer has made available to all repaired; units a facility enabling direct monitoring and assistance from a resident Maintenance technician, the Holy Ghost. Repaired units need only make Him welcome and He will take up permanent residence on the premises!

WARNING: Continuing to operate the human being unit without correction voids the Manufacturer's warranty, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded; For free emergency service, call on JESUS.

DANGER: The human being units not responding to this recall action will have to be scrapped in the furnace. The SIN defect will not be permitted to enter Heaven so as to prevent contamination of that facility.

Thank you for your attention. Please assist where possible by notifying others of this important recall notice.

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