Friday, March 02, 2007

Mammogram...and Potty Training

Great Friday...We made it! Well we're in store for sleet, freezing rain, and problems with potty training...LOL...there's a baby site out there that is using a webcrawler to steal my content. It is a site about potty training! So I decided to mess with them for a while! Let's see if they pick this up everyday!

Have a fun and safe weekend...Ladies, this one is for you!


Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there is no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam and doing the following exercises, you will be totally prepared for the test and best of all, you can do these simple exercises right in and around your home.

EXERCISE ONE:
Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast in door. Shut the door as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position for five seconds. Repeat again in case the first time wasn't effective enough.

EXERCISE TWO:
Visit your garage at 3 AM when the temperature of the cement floor is just perfect. Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and repeat with the other breast.

EXERCISE THREE:
Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Press the bookends against one of your breasts. Smash the bookends together as hard as you can. Set up an appointment with the stranger to meet next year and do it again.

YOU ARE TOTALLY PREPARED!

AND, just a thought for all the women out there...MENtal illness, MENstrual cramps, MENtal breakdown, MENopause...Ever notice how all of women's problems start with men?...And when we have real trouble it's HISterectomy!!!!

To all women who needs to have a laugh AND, don't forget to have a mammogram!!!!!!

8 Comments:

  1. Bernita said...
    Verily, verily, Bonnie.
    Chapter One of The Russian Lover by Torbother Titzov.
    Bonnie Calhoun said...
    ROFLOL...i had to read it twice to get it! LOL
    Paula Neal Mooney said...
    Yewouch!

    Let's see potty training, potty training, potty training...

    Wonder if that's enough for scraping?
    Amy said...
    Great post, Bonnie! Very, very funny.
    Ballpoint Wren said...
    Sploggers! Blech!

    I guess you can mess with them, as long as search results don't pull their sites up before they pull yours.
    M. C. Pearson said...
    Too funny...and too true!
    Kathryn said...
    Says a lot about the state of medical procedure and priorities for improvements when the (painful) humor holds up 15 years after it was written. The mammogram piece is from the book "And How Are We Feeling Today?" by Kathryn Hammer (Contemporary Books/McGraw-Hill 1993). It's acquired a bit of tinkering in its travels through cyberspace, but that's where it originated.
    Bonnie Calhoun said...
    Hey Kathryn...come back...is that you? Are you the author? I'd like to hear more about what you write!

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